Just like almost everyone else on this site, I have struggled with my weight for many years. I have tried everything on the market to lose weight (including PhenFen) and nothing has worked.
I have been researching Gastric Bypass Surgery and I feel this is the right decision for me. I am a 37 year old wife and mother of three (18, 11, and 7). My husband, family and close friends (Nadine and Retunda)support my decision to have this surgery. Now the journey begins ....

9/6/02 - Saw my PCP for a referral.

10/11/02 - Had my initial consult with Surgeon.

11/12/02 - Finally heard something. My insurance company needs a psychological evaluation, a letter from my PCP endorsing the surgery, proof of a doctor's supervised diet (for six month), and another referral. I am now waiting for a psych appointment and trying to get a letter from my PCP. I HATE all these steps. Bad news -- I have gained more weight. I now weigh 300 pounds. I need help desperately!!!

11/19/02 - Completed all lab work, EKG, pulmonary test, and Psych evaluation. Now, all that I need is a letter from my PCP endorsing the surgery - she's waiting for all tests results before she endorses. Still waiting.

2/28/03 - Finally! My PCP called today to say she had all the reports she needed to write the letter of endorsement.

3/10/03 - Spoke with my Surgeon's office and they did receive the letter from my PCP and have sent my package to AETNA (2nd time).

3/31/03 - I was DISAPPROVED. Denied, but not defeated. I will not give up the fight. Getting my appeals package ready!

4/23/03 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. I thank God for allowing me to see another year. I turned 38 today and have probably gained 10 more pounds. It's getting difficult to walk with all this weight especially, when you are trying to be a diva at 310lbs. LOL.

5/7/03 - I called AETNA today and I AM APPROVED!!!!!!!! Thank you Jesus for answering prayer! Cookie

5/16/03 - Had the upper GI and gallbladder ultrasound. The barium you have to drink is the nastiest stuff you could ever put in your mouth!! I was literally gagging. I have the best husband in the world. He took the day off to drive me to Atlanta for my appointment. Thanks Baby, I Love You.

6/3/03 - I switched surgeons. I am now having LAP RNY with Dr. Steinberg.

6/4/03 - Signed all consent forms. I weigh 317 lbs. Will probably have surgery the last week in the month.

6/8/03 - I HAVE A DATE!! Surgery scheduled for June 27, 2003 at 8:00 a.m. Pre-op is Monday, June 23, 2003 at 1:00 p.m. at Dekalb Medical Center, Decatur, Georgia. My husband is taking time off from work to be with me the entire time I'm off from work. Who could ask for a more supportive husband!! I solicit your prayers!

6/11/03 - 16 DAYS BEFORE SURGERY. I wanted to take this time to thank my bestest friend, Nadine (Deen), for her love and support. Deen, you are the greatest friend a person could have. In the good times and bad, you have been there to lend a helping hand, give a word of advice or encouragement, help wipe away the tears, or solve our problems over a plate of Cajun Chicken Pasta. Your unselfishness in sharing your home when we come to vist or making the drive to Hephzibah to see me and the girls will never be forgotten. Knowing me the way that you do, the greatest compliment is you still think I'm great! May God Always Bless You, May Peace Be Within Your Gates, May the Love of Jesus fulfill, May your Hurts be Healed, May Prosperity be within your Palaces, and may we always be Bestest Friends!! Love, Cookie.

6/16/03 - 11 more days.....

6/23/03 - Had the Pre-op testing done today. 12 vials of blood, EKG and chest X-ray. Now, I'm getting really excited! 3 more days and a wake up!

6/25/03 - 1 more day and a wake up! Please keep me in your prayers. Thanks, Cookie

************************ POST-OP ENTRIES***********************

7/21/03- Surgery day (6/27/03) Arrived at the hospital at 5:45 a.m. with my husband and best friend, Deen. I was called back and changed into the hospital gown and leg stockings. Around 7:15, my surgeon came to tell me that he was moving a lady from the night before in front of me. Seems he was not comfortable with the crew he had to work with the previous night and decided to move this lady to the next morning. Dr. Steinberg went up 10 notches in my book. He is so caring. Got the IV and the happy shot and was feeling good. Deen says that my surgery was at 12:05 and was over at 2:00 p.m. I was rolled into my room at 4:30 p.m. The pain was very intense, but once I started pumping that morphine, I was okay. I had one bad experience... the IV came out of my vein and was pressed into the tissue of my hand. All the fluids were going into tissue. This caused my hand to swell and hurt like he**. I walked just a little that night. The next day I walked and walked and the nurses finally removed my catherer (no pain). The morphine pump was removed later on and I have not had ANY pain medication since. Released to go home on Sunday (6/29/03).

Head hunger is REAL!!!!!!! I crave everything imagineable and I have been in the funkiest mood ever. I can't seem to get in all my protein nor my water. If you ask me right now, I cannot recommend this surgery at this time. Not because I feel bad, it's just taking a while to adjust to everything. At 19 days post-op, I had lost 21 lbs. I don't know how much I've lost right now. I'll let you know on Friday (1 month post-op).

7/28/03 - I read my previous post over and I seem so unappreciative. I am very thankful to God for bringing me through this surgery with NO complications. For that, I give him all praises. This surgery is no joke. Be prepared for the changes that will take place. Until you experience it, you have no idea how it feels to want to eat something so bad and can't. It was HARD adjusting to that. Each day has gotten better and my cravings are almost none existent. I realize I can't eat certain things, so I don't worry about it. My payoff will be a healthier, happier self. I work out 5 days a week and joined Curves last week. I plan to go there 3 days a week for cardio/strength training and do cardio only another 2 days. God is awesome!

Highest weight 325
pre-op weight 317
7/28/03 1 month post-op 292 -25 lbs BMI 54.4
8/29/03 2 month post-op 276 -41 lbs BMI 47.0
9/27/03 3 month post-op 261 -56 lbs BMI 44.8
10/10/03 -63 lbs
10/27/03 4 month post-op 247 -70 lbs BMI 42.4
11/27/03 5 month post-op 236 -81 lbs BMI 40.7
12/27/03 6 month post-op 224 -93 lbs BMI 38.4
01/28/04 7 month post-op 212 -105 lbs BMI 36.4
04/27/04 10 months post-op 196 -121 lbs BMI 32.6
05/27/04 11 months post-op 192 -125 lbs BMI 32.0
08/27/04 14 months post-op 170 -147 lbs BMI
12/27/04 18 months post=op 159 -158 lbs BMI 26.5


8/16/03 - Nothing really new to report. I still find this tool to be a challenge that must be overcome everyday. I take each day as it comes and continually try to reach my goals.
Challenge #1 - Protein - how in the world can I get 64 grams of protein in each day? I have resorted to taking 2 tablespoons of the nasty proteinex each morning and night for 30 g of protein and try to get the rest in food.
Challenge #2 - Water - 64ozs???? How? with a 2 oz pouch and trying to get in protein.
Challenge #3 - Exercise - Has proven to be the easiest of the three. I am doing cardio 7 days a week and still going to Curves for strength training. I'm becoming an exercise enthusiast.
I am still thankful for not having any complications, but this definitely takes real WORK!!!!

9/1/03 - Went to Dr. S for my two month checkup and I have lost a total of 41 lbs. I am a little disappointed with my slow weight loss, I was hoping for at least 50 lbs in 2 months. Nevertheless, I am 41 lbs lighter and feel so much better. No more back pain and knee pain. I can walk anywhere without getting tired. Still working out and LOVE IT! When I don't get a chance to exercise, my day doesn't seem complete. This is what I'm doing:
First thing in the morning: 2 chewable Pepcid AC , 2 chewable Flinstones multi-vitamins, 1 B-12 cherry dissovable under my tongue, and 2 tablespoons of Proteinex (15 grams)
Before I walk out of the door for work: 1 oz of crystalite mixed with 1/2 B1 (crushed) and 1 dropperful of B-complex and 1 crushed actigall (to prevent the formation of gallstones).
At work: I drink water from the time I get to work until lunch time (usually 4 glasses)
Lunch: Protein, 2-4 ozs (chicken breast, fish, or tuna). It takes me an hour to eat 4 ozs.
Wait 45 - 60 minutes and start back drinking water until I leave work and finish working out.
Home: Protein and maybe a bite of vegetable/salad and 2 more tablespoons of proteinex. Sometimes I have a bananna protein shake. Wait. Drink the rest of my water and if it's not too late, I have 1 graham cracker square with reduced fat peanut butter. I also take another actigall and 3 chewable Tums EX (calcium). **All meds/vitamins are chewable, crushed, liquid, or dissovable. I NEVER take whole pills. I do not want anything getting stuck in my pouch**

Exercise: Cardio 7 days a week (either before work on the treadmill at home or in the gym in my office building after work). I also go to Curves for Women 3 days a week.

I really want my best friend, Deen, to have this surgery! Please pray that she gets approved.

9/12/03 - Just thought I'd drop in to share one of the best experiences. I have always desired to run/jog, but at my weight and the joint pains, it was impossible. Yesterday evening as I was completing my 2 1/2 mile walk on the treadmill, I decided to speed it up and do a little jog --- IT WAS GREAT! I was able to jog for 5 minutes with no pain. Can't wait to try it again. Thank you Jesus for my making my body whole again! I don't ever want to abuse myself again. Blessings to All.

9/23/03 - I am now drinking a protein shake for breakfast with 5 ozs of skim milk for 30 grams of protein (GNC - Isopure Whey protein- Strawberries and cream). This has proven to be very filling since I never want to eat breakfast anyway. Drink 4 glasses of water up until 30 minutes before lunch. Lunch: Lean cuisine (I only eat the meat and throw away the rice, pasta, or potatoes. Afternoon snack: another protein shake with 4 ozs of water. Dinner: Protein and vegetables. I am getting in about 85-90 grams of protein per day. In between meals, I only drink water (usually 8-10 glasses per day). I continue to take all of my vitamins everyday and NEVER eat more than 20 g of carbs. I did decrease my exercise to 5 days per week. I'll update on 9/27 about the weight loss. Blessings.

9/27/03 - Three month update. Weight 261, loss of 56 lbs. I feel wonderful! The last few days I have been walking 3 1/2 miles with no problems and continue to go to Curves for women 3x a week. I have upped my water intake to no less than 10 glasses per day. I wake up drinking water and go to bed drinking water. I take water everywhere I go (even the movies). I think my pouch is smaller than most and it is easier for me to drink than eat. I praise God everyday for this blessing and for my skilled surgeon, Dr. Scott Steinberg, (404) 501-7081. My friend, Deen, went to her 1st consultation on September 25, 2003. Keep her in your prayers. Blessings.

10/10/03 - Quick update. Got on the scale this morning and it said 254. That's 63 lbs gone forever. I'll be back on the 27th for my four month update. Also, please say a special prayer for my oldest and dearest friend, Retunda. She had to have an emergency blood transfusion (non-WLS related). I'm driving to Atlanta to check on her. Blessings.

10/27/03 - 4 month update. Weight 247, down 70 pounds. I am ready to admit that I would have this surgery again. I feel so good and don't look half bad. I am blessed to know the Lord as my personal Saviour. He keeps making a way for me, even when I don't see my way. I will forever praise His name for all he has done for me. Hallelujah!!!! I know you are interested in my WLS journey, but I had to acknowledge the One who made it possible. I continue to drink the protein shakes (see above), drink water, and exercise (walk 3-4 miles and Curves). I also bought some hand weights to work on my batwings. I must be totally honest, there are days when I do eat the wrong things. For example, I was on this puffed Cheetos kick for a while (until I dumped). I have eaten popcorn, peanuts, potatoe chips, chicken vienna sausages, and hot wings with blue cheese and it all was GOOD! Now, don't get my wrong, I only eat a little of the above because I am carb conscious. Even when I was eating my cheetos, I would count out 8 of them. I have not ever eaten sweets, carbonated sodas, or juices. I don't eat bread of any kind period. I don't eat rice or potatoes. I did have a little of my mama's spaghetti the other day. But who can pass up homemade spaghetti??. For the most part, I avoid carbs - they fill me up too quick and I don't have room for my protein and I always get the protein in. Water is my drink of choice!! In the mornings, I may have an ounce of crystalite to help get my vitamins down. I do get frustrated sometimes when the cravings are out of control. Sometimes, I want a footlong hotdog with the works or a cheeseburger all the way and eat ALL of it. I'm human and head hunger has been a problem for me since day one.
Here are my prayer requests (lol):
My husband had knee surgery on Oct. 28. Please pray that he has a complete healing.
Keep praying for Retunda, she is scheduled to have a complete hysterectomy on Nov. 11, 2003. Please pray that she will have no complications and her recovery will be uneventful.
My friend, Deen goes to her PCP on Nov. 3 to start on her six-month supervised diet. Pray that all goes well for her on this journey. These two ladies are my very best friends and we have gone through everything together.
I appreciate all the emails that I have gotten and I will continue to answer all questions, honestly. Blessings.

11/19/2003 - Just stopped by to say I feel GREAT! I feel like my old self in many ways. My clothes are fitting wonderfully, I have no back or joint pains, and I can wear size 18-20 clothes and 1X tops. Today, I am celebrating ME! I had my hair braided in invisible braids (where they only put the braid at the root and the rest hangs like real hair), I had my acrylic nails put back on and this morning I got up and put on my fake eyelashes, boy do I feel good. I regret everyone does not share in my weight loss success (yes, I said success), today, I don't care! God has blessed me and I am walking in my blessing!

11/30/03 - 5 month update. Weight 236. Loss of 81 pounds. Am I disappointed in my weight loss? No. I feel absolutely wonderful. I feel better than I have felt in years. I have always had high self-esteem, now it's through the roof. I went home for Thanksgiving and I must say I ate a bite of almost everything. However, I still do not eat ANY sweets, carbonated beverages, fried foods, and very little bread. Although I didn't eat the healthiest things this weekend, I still managed to workout everyday. I took my "Walk Away the Pounds for Abs" video with me and every morning I got up and did the three miles. God is just awesome and I can't help but praise him for his goodness and mercy toward me. I do have some mental issues going on right now and maybe one day I'll be able to share that part of the journey with you. Please keep me in your prayers that I will make the best decisions for my life and that I remain in the will of God. Blessings.

12/27/03 - 6 month update. Weight 224. Loss 93 pounds. My weight keeps bouncing around between 217-224, but that's okay I'm sure it will level off. I could go on and on about the changes in my life since my WLS, but I won't (you'll have to email me for all of that). Let me just say that I still marvel at the grace and mercy shown me who is so unworthy of God's goodness.

1/28/04 - 7 month update. Weight 212. Loss 105 pounds. I finally made it to the CENTURY CLUB. I was hesitant to step on the scale since my weight has been bouncing around for a month, but to my amazement and pleasure, the scale said 212. That is 12 lbs since last month. I contribute this to 3 protein shakes a day, 3 small meals, a gallon of water, and 50 min of cardio 5 days a week. I also found a personal trainer who has been kicking my saggy behind 3 times a week. I have not been going to Curves because the program was no longer challenging enough, but I do advocate Curves for those just getting started. I must give a special shout out to the beautiful, talented, gifted AnnGee for making my profile look so wonderful. Thanks AnnGee.
Blessings.

4/8/04 - I am on this site everyday, but have failed to keep my profile updated. Please forgive me. I will be back at the end of the month for my weight update, but I just wanted to send a shout-out to some very special people that I have met through this journey. First, my beautiful Angelette, BeeDub (Bridgette). Girl, it feels like we have known each other forever. I truly value you and our friendship. Next, Dolphin DeDee (Darlene) and JAPII (John) - you two are a breath of fresh air to me-Love you both. Katrina and Kerstin, my little sisters -may all your dreams come true. Blessings.

4/27/04 - 10 months update. Weight 196. Loss 121 lbs.Imagine
my surprise when I stepped on the scale today and I had GAINED 8 lbs. Last week I was 188 and today I'm 196. I contribute this gain to (1) PMS (2) I have started a serious exercise routine called Body For Life (www.bodyforlife.com)thanks to reading Yolanda Williams' profile. Tomorrow, I'll probably be back down to 188. Such is life. People always ask about my protein/exercise routine, so here it is:
Breakfast - Isopure protein shake, stawberries & cream (25g)
Snack - Carb control yogurt with 1/2 scoop protein powder (16g)
Lunch - Usually 3 ozs of chicken breast or tuna (19g)
After workout - Isopure protein shake (25g)
Dinner - More protein and a small vegetable (approx 25 g)
If I'm hungry at night, I will have some nuts, carb countdown
icecream by Breyer's, SF popsicle, or a tablespoon of Reduced
fat peanut butter.
I drink 1 gallon of water per day and I ONLY drink water. No
crystal lite, diet juices, nothing but water. I do 30-45 min of cardio 6 days per week (elliptical trainer or treadmill) and I really push it to the limits to ensure that I reach and maintain my target heart rate. I also lift weights 3 days per week (bodyforlife).
Vitamins/supplements - Vista vitamins (www.bariatriceating.com), B-12 sublingual, B-complex, B-1 (thiamin), biotin, pepcid AC, calcium citrate. I NEVER get slack on taking my vitamins/supplements. NEVER!! When I decided to have this surgery, it was for life and not a temporary fix (message to JAPII). God Bless You ALL - wherever you are on this
incredible journey. As you know, you can always shoot me an
email and I'll try to answer you promptly. Blessings.

5/27/04 - 11 months update. Weight 192. Loss 125 lbs

I am still doing everything I was doing on my 10 month update. Blessings.

6/2/04 - I HAVE A NEW ANGELETTE (This makes 4)! I'm so excited and deeply honored that she would trust me to guide her on the right path concerning WLS. Please keep LaTonia Tweedy in your prayers - her surgery is scheduled for July 14, 2004 in Little Rock, AR. Also, pray for my other Angelette's (BeeDub) son. The devil is a liar! Thirdly, send warm thoughts to my Brother, Friend and Confidante, JAPII (I pray he gets a surgery date soon). Lastly, keep Moneice Smith in your prayers. I feel like a proud "mama". I'll be back at the end of the month for my 1 yr update. Blessings.

6/27/04 -- 1 YEAR UPDATE
Free (from Kirk Franklin presents 1NC)

Free
Free to Lift my Hands
Free to Say Amen
Free to know that someday I will smile again
I'm Free
Free to laugh, not cry
Free to live, not die
I'm Free
No more chains and loneliness
For Christ has set me free
For we are more than conquerors
Through His love, now I can see
That I am
Free

7/17/04 - I never completed my 1 yr update - Let me do so, now. Over a year ago, I was dying physically with excruciating back and joint pains and borderline high blood pressure. I decided to take charge of my health by having gastric bypass surgery. This decision was a totally selfish one because it was all about ME! God has continued to bless me through this journey. I have not had one complication, I have not had one sick day not even a cold. Hallelujah!! I am no longer focused on the number on the scale. I concentrate on how I feel and how my clothes fit. My advice to those considering this surgery or those already on this journey would be (in no particular order):
1. Follow the advice of your doctor/surgeon until you find updated information that would be more beneficial to your health. For instance, my surgeon still advocates taking Tums for calcium. After more reasearch, I discovered that tums is calcium carbonate and we, as WLS patients need calcium citrate.
2. Follow the rules of the pouch and never look for ways to circumvent the surgery. Meaning, don't look for ways to cheat! Cheating is easy, doing the right thing requires more effort. Are you up for the challenge? We have heard over and over again that surgery is not the easy way out - so why try to make it easy. This is hard work and anything worth having is worth working for.
3. Eat protein first.
4. Do not drink with meals, ever.
5. Exercise consistently.
6. Drink water and other non-carbonated, non-caloric, decaffeinated, SF beverages.
7. Take your vitamins/supplements everyday - this is not an option!
8. Love yourself.
9. Seek the advice of a good counselor if you find that you need help dealing with the mental aspects of this surgery (I have).
10. Help others along the way.
11. Never forget your plight. I hate it when former obese people talk negatively about other people suffering the same disease. If it had not been for the grace of God, we would still be wearing those shoes.
12. If you get off-track, dust yourself off and start again. It's alright.
13. Always keep God first and acknowledge Him in all of your ways and He will direct your path.
14. Be your own advocate. Do research.
15. Get the proper rest.
Now, let me thank those special people who have been my rock throughout this journey:
My husband, Wesley (we are now separated, but I will never forget the support he has given me and continue to give).
My best friend, Nadine (Deen) - I love this girl! Have you ever had a friend that loves you inspite of yourself, who knows ALL of your faults and can still think the best of you? Who has NEVER betrayed a confidence or trust after 10 years of friendship? Who would empty her bank account if you were in need? Who would give you your own room in HER home? That's Deen!
I have also met some very special people who have touched my heart and I consider TRUE FRIENDS. I know we will be friends long after WLS - JAPII, BeeDub, Dolphine DeDee, Tweedybird and Diamond Princess.
My other BAF friends - Val C, Kerstin, Katrina, AnnGee, Rikka, Sexxie Scorpion, Pamela A-lil-shy, Keisha, Barb, Ms. Jean, Marilyn Sails, Jaclyn, Jacquie Dee, Renee, Lady A, Moneice, Sunny Smiley, CeCe, Nitro, Ms. Tei and Ms. Nae--you all don't realize how you have touched/influenced me on this journey.
To all the other members of BAF - I love you and God bless.

My motto: Don't be like me, be better than me.

7/23/04 - I HAVE ANOTHER ANGELETTE! Her name is Pam A-Lil-Shy. If I can help somebody along the way, then my living has not been in vain. I am truly honored and deeply moved to have the privilege of offering my support to my brothers and sisters who have embarked upon such a challenging yet rewarding journey. Maybe this is my ministry because I truly love it! I am accused of being too emotional..maybe I am, but I look at it as a gift from God. I'm glad He didn't make me hard-hearted. Pam, I am with you ALL THE WAY! GO GIRL! Blessings.

8/4/04 - Just sending a shout out to all of my brothers and sisters from the Black American Forum who met up in Atlanta over the weekend. It was wonderful meeting so many beautiful people face to face. We had a blast! In the midst of having a good time, I managed to drink my water, get in my protein and exercise. However, I did eat chicken wings, cake, cheesecake, tex mex eggrolls with gaucamole, fried fish, and french fries. I had the worst dumping experience after eating the cheesecake from the Cheesecake factory until I'm giving up on sweets for a LONG time. That crazy Nitro Mike even had the nerve to take my picture while I was dumping. Big props to my girl, Dolphin DeDee for spearheading the event. I got a chance to hang out with my angelettes and friends, BeeDub and JAPii. Nitro Mike is crazy, but his wife, Tish is a sweetie. I won't mention anymore names, but it was great meeting all of you!

8/5/04 - You guessed it! I HAVE ANOTHER ANGELETTE (this makes 6). Her name is Rozzy R. and she will be having surgery on Monday, August 9, 2004 in Atlanta, GA. I want all of you who sincerely know the words of prayer to bombard heaven on her behalf. Go Rozzy!
Now, a quick update on my journey. I jumped on the scale this morning and I weigh 174 lbs. This is a loss of 143 lbs since surgery and 151 lbs from my highest weight. Isn't God just wonderful??!! I'll be back at the end of the month for my 14 month update. Blessings.

8/27/04. 14 month update. Weight 170 lbs. Loss 147 lbs
I feel beautiful, healthy, and happy. I am wearing a size 10-12 down from a 26/28. My shoe size has gone down from a 9 1/2 to a 8 1/2-9. My bra size is now a 34D down from a 44DDD. When I hold up my itty bitty panties, I am amazed that they fit my body. I do have a lot of excess skin to contend with and will soon start the journey of reconstructive surgery. In the meantime, I am concentrating on toning as much as possible. I actually have a lot of muscle underneath the skin and with fitted clothes on I look like a miniature body builder (lol). I am still exercising at least 5-6 days per week, doing cardio everyday (30-60 min) and weight training (alternating between upper and lower body). I admit that I am strict on myself and try to follow the rules of the pouch. I AM NOT PERFECT NOR DO I CLAIM TO BE, but I strongly believe in doing everything humanly possible to be successful on this journey and the rest... leave in the hands of God. I stick to a high protein/low carb diet (yes, I fall sometimes), 150 ozs of water, vitamins/supplements and exercise. With this combination, I am enjoying the fruit of my labor!
Keyword: Consistency!
Motto: TO THINE OWNSELF, BE TRUE!
I have two new Angelettes (CeCe and Ebony Davis). Ebony's surgery is coming up on Sep. 8, 2004 and CeCe's is in November. Please keep them in your prayers. Blessings.

10/14/04 - Guess who is super late updating their profile? ME. First, let me give a special thanks to my angelette, Rozzy R (Feelin Fine) for giving me a trip to New York City. That's right, she made reservations and paid for me to go to New York with her. We had a ball shopping, eating, and flirting! On a serious note, I cannot say it enough times: GET A SHRINK to help you deal with the emotional part of this journey. You will need their expertise to help get you through the highs and lows associated with losing the weight and coming face to face with your issues. Why is that some people are in denial that they need help?? Why is there such a negative stigma associated with seeing a counselor/therapist/shrink? Geesh! I have a therapist and I need it! Having the surgery is the easy part. Dealing with life issues after surgery is crazy. Some days I want to laugh, some days I want to cry, some days I want to eat everything that's not nailed down, some days I have to make myself eat. I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster and can't find my way off. Talking it out to a professional is imperative for the success of **MY** journey. With that said, I am loving myself more and more each day. I look good, feel fine, and am enjoying the attention from the opposite sex. My divorce will be final soon and I am going to take it real slow in the dating/courting area. I have no clue what I weigh, but I'll update that at the end of the month. Still doing 6 high protein meals, 150 ozs of water, vitamins/supplements, and exercise. As a matter of fact, I have begun my second 12-week bodyforlife challenge. Check it out at www.bodyforlife.com.
Motto: To Thine Own Self, Be True!! Blessings.

10/21/04 - I am blessed to be the Angel for my new friend, F.R. His surgery is scheduled for Nov. 9th. Please say a prayer for him. Blessings.

10/28/04 - 16 months post-op. Weight 162 lbs. Total loss of 163 lbs. Loss since surgery - 155 lbs. God is good. Life is great and I am wonderful. The key to success for the WLS patient: protein, water, vitamins, and exercise. No exceptions!
Motto: To Thine Own Self, Be True!
Blessings.

11/22/04 - My "angelette" Frenchy has successfully made it to the losing side, today! Yay Frenchy! My final angelette, Pastor Di will join the losing team on tomorrow (11/23/03). Please pray for the success of her surgery and recovery. I have offically retired from accepting new angelettes until more of my angelettes are further out. I like to give them my undivided attention and this would not be possible if I spread myself too thin. I wish you all the best wherever you are on this amazing journey. Blessings.

11/24/04 Pastor Di is a loser! I spoke with her last night and she sounds great. Go Di! I only have two Angelettes left to see make it to the "losing" side -- JapII and KL. I can't wait for them to join this team. Blessings.

12/6/04 - 17 month update. My weight is about the same - not too sure since I don't weigh very often. Let's just say, I can still wear my size 10's comfortably. I saw my shrink the other day and I seem to be making progress to a becoming a well-rounded, "healthy" individual --not just physically, but mentally, spiritually, and financially as well. I am learning to put things and people in the proper perspective and spending more time rediscovering ME. I also want to say "I love You" to my children who have had to deal with my many moods on a daily basis. Now, I have to remember to let them read this entry. Blessings.

12/18/04 - I had my plastic surgery consultation with Dr. Work and his two associates on 12/16/04. Let me tell you... they examined, pulled, poked, and prodded every inch of my body. Even gave me a breast and stomach examination. It got to the point when one of them would walk into the room, I would just stand up and take off the robe for them to see whatever. Whew Lawd! Three hours later, I got the itemized cost for everything I need to have done and it is a whopping $21,000.00. I am getting letters of medical necessity from my PCPs, Chiropractor, and Gynecolist to help make my case solid. Please keep me in your prayers. I am fastly approaching my 18 months window of opportunity and for a moment I got nervous on whether I could keep this WL thing going for a lifetime, but I soon realized that I control my own destiny! I got some wonderful advice from Christmas Baby, Miss Rhonda, and Mz. Nae (Thanks Ladies) and I plan to implement what they have told me. Most of all, I am going to use my own motto: To Thine Own Self, Be TRUE! I have come too far to turn around, now. If God be for you, He's more than the world against you. Blessings.

12/20/04 - I had to stop in to say "thanks" to my good friend, Dolphin DeDee. I love you girl and no matter what, you always have something positive to say to me. When you are the one always giving support, people tend to think you don't need support/encouragement/motivation, but DeDee always say just the right thing to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! Getting off now because the tears are blinding me.

12/27/04 - 18 month update. Weight 159. Total loss of 166 lbs. Loss since surgery - 158 lbs.
The day has finally arrived - my 18 month window of opportunity. I am extremely pleased with my surgery and my diligence to ensuring its success. I thank God for Dr. Scott Steinberg and his knowledge/expertise. As I've stated before, I have had NO complications as a result of this surgery and for that I thank God and Dr. Steinberg. I am no longer nervous about my journey, I will continue to do what I know is right and reap the benefits of my actions. I am currently on the "protein train" for seven days to put my body in ketosis and burn fat. My plastic surgeon will submit the paperwork to the insurance company this week and prayerfully, I will have reconstructive surgery in the next few months - hopefully in time for my 40th birthday in April. Thanks for all the positive emails and compliments and to those not so positive emails - thank you, also. Trials come to make you strong and I am strengthened! To the special person in my life - I Love You! To my friends - "THANKS." On my way to the gym.... bye.
Remember... To Thine Own Self, Be TRUE! Blessings.

1/3/05 - Happy New Year! I have been eating like a pig from December 30, 2004 - January 2, 2005. You name it, I probably sampled it without any regrets or guilt. The party is now over and I'm back on track. Let me caution you all to be consistent with getting your blood levels checked. You do not have to wait until your surgeon orders them, you can go to your PCP and have him/her check your levels. I try to have mine done every 2-3 months and I'm glad that I do. My iron levels were low and my AST levels were abnormal. I have to take iron pills 3 times per day along with a stool softener. I also have to cut back on strenous exercise and ensure that I eat well balanced meals. This includes whole grain, good fruit, and vegetables. Blessings.

1/13/05 - Since I have been flooded with emails asking for "tips for success," I have decided to write them here instead of answering each email. I am not in the medical profession and the opinions expressed here are my own:
1. Plan your meals - I actually sit down every Saturday with a weekly planner and plan what I will eat for the week. I go to the grocery store and only buy what's on the list. Now, I do have children and I buy them healthy snacks like fruit, baked chips, fruit roll ups, wheat ritz crackers, etc.
2. Cook up enough meat for the week. I use Sunday to cook my meats for the week. I love to grill out (whether it's cold or not) and you will always find grilled chicken breasts and turkey burgers in my refrigerator. Just put them in sealable sandwhich bags.
3. I sometimes make up a big batch of tuna to keep on hand for a quick snack. I always keep boiled eggs ready as well as deli turkey (Boar's Head) and Deli Cheese. If I get hungry in the evenings, I have "protein" ready.
4. Safeguard your home. Remove trigger foods from your home. My weakness is cookies. It would be detrimental for me to buy cookies and say "oh, I'm only going to eat a few." Won't happen. I will find myself getting up in the middle of the night eating cookies. You know your trigger foods. Don't even bring them into your home!
5. Drink water. I buy 8-10 gallons of water (distilled)per week and take a gallon to work with me everyday. Goal is to have the gallon completed before leaving work. I keep a water bottle on my nightstand, one in my car, and if I'm going out - I keep one in my purse. I drink water all day long.
6. DO NOT eat and drink at the same time. You know the rules - wait 30 min after drinking before eating and 1 hr after eating before drinking.
7. Exercise. Exercise makes the difference in how you look and feel. Just do it. I never want to look like a WLS patient so I do what it takes. Cardio is a must! If you go to a gym, get on a machine and enter your weight and age. You will be given your target heart rate. Stay within your target heart rate for at least 30 min (5 times per week) or 1 hr (3 times per week). You can work yourself up from there. Gradually add in strength training to give your body definition and "cuts." Do ab work everyday (crunches, situps, machines). If you can afford it, invest in a few personal training sessions to give you the fundamentals of exercise.
8. Take your vitamins/supplements everyday. This is NOT an option. Nothing pisses me off more than to hear that some people are not taking their vitamins. You do not have a choice. You must have B-12 (either through shots or sublingually), Calcium Citrate, and a multi-vitamin. These are the essential ones. You can add others as you/your doctor deem necessary. I take vistavitamins (am/pm), Calcium citrate (4 per day), B-12 sublingual (cherry dot under the tongue, 1000 mcg), B-complex (1 dropperful), B-1 thiamin (50 mcg), Biotin (5000 mcg), Glucosamine 750, Chondroitin 600, Iron (325 mg - 3x per day), and Colace (3 per day).
9. Protein first. I take in at least 100 g of protein per day. Do whatever works for you. I find it easier to drink 2-3 protein shakes/smoothies and 3 meals.
10. Keep protein powder and a shaker cup with you at all times (as well as your water bottle). I put a few scoops and scooper in a sandwhich bag every morning..that way I can drink a protein shake when I am leaving the gym or at any other time.
11. Put yourself on a schedule for eating and drinking. Write it down.
5:00 a.m. - Wake up and drink 4 glasses of water and 2 calcium citrates (Citrical)
5:15 a.m. - Exercise
5:45 a.m. - Protein shake
6:00 a.m. - Take multi vitamin, Biotin, B-12, B-1, B-complex, Glucosmine, and Chondroitin
6:10 - 10:00 a.m. - Shower, get dressed, work, and drinking water
10:30 a.m. - Morning snack (protein smoothie)and iron pill
11:30 a.m. - 12:30 - Water
1:00 p.m. - Lunch
2:30 p.m. - Water and iron pill
3:30 p.m. - Another snack (if I want one) or just keep drinking water
4:30 p.m. - Leave work and go to the gym (drinking water at the gym or 1/2 cup of gatorade and last iron pill)
6:00 p.m. - Protein shake (I mix it up in the gym's parking lot, see #10 above). Pick up children and head home (drinking water in the car).
Dinner (time varies)/Evening vitamins
Evening snack (time varies)
2 Calcium Citrate

1/23/05 - I am truly amazed with the new heights I am reaching due, in part, to this surgery. I have always desired to run and today I am fulfilling my dream by running 3 miles without stopping. My ultimate goal is do like Oprah and run a full marathon, but for now I am training for the Peachtree Road Race on the 4th of July. It is 6.2 miles of challenging terrain, but I am up for the challenge. The adrenaline, the drive of pushing my body beyond its perceived limitations is the greatest high. I love it. I purchased a pair of good running shoes, today. I also stopped by GNC and got some Glucosamine 750 and Chondroitin 600 for the joints and now I am good to go! See you at the races! Blessings.

1/25/05 - Well, today is the day. In just a few short hours, I stand before the judge to receive my decree of divorce. I will once again be a single woman. How do I feel? A plethora of emotions are running through my mind right now. Is my divorce a statistic of WLS? Honestly, yes and no. We had our problems before WLS, but the surgery did act as a catalyst to bring all of the "ugliness" to fruition. What would I have done, differently? Listen to the voice of God... when He says a person is not for you, move on! So, I'm closing this chapter of my life and looking forward to bigger and better! Blessings.

Same day - I am NOT divorced! Too much to go into.

1/31/05 - I will not add anymore to my previous entry just suffice it to say that the divorce is still going to happen..I was just thrown a monkey wrench. On to the subject of WLS, I celebrated my 19 month post-op by losing an additional 3.5 pounds. I don't feel like a full update right now...check me later.

2/17/05 - I feel wonderful. I feel blessed. I feel loved. I am confident. I am secure. I am BEAUTIFUL! I feel a level of excitement although everything is not perfect in my world. My dear friend, brother, and confidante, Japii made it to the losing side. His surgery was on Thursday (2/10/05) and he is progressing, nicely. I am honored that I was able to be in Philly with him for a few days to give my support. Go John - I love you Baby! Big shout-out to my man Frenchy. You are a jewel! My weight is the same, but I am losing inches like mad. I tried on a size 8 the other day and they almost fit. If I didn't have these flabby thighs, I would be a perfect size 8. Oh well. I am still running everyday preparing for the Peachtree Road Race in July, I still take in 100g of protein, I still drink at least a gallon of water everyday, and I still take all vitamins and supplements. I am enjoying the ride. It is my wish that everyone on this journey, called weight loss surgery, would enjoy the same success! Blessings.

3/12/05 - I guess it's time for an update. The past few weeks have been pure hell for me. Still going through divorce pains, my supervisor wants to fire me, and I had to buy a new car (thanks to the soon to be ex). Talk about stress! I turned to my one true love "cookies." I have eaten so many girl scout cookies until I could be a walking advertisement for the organization. I had to go all the way back to proteins only to put myself in check and get rid of these awful sweet cravings. Today is day 6 of the protein train and I must admit I am doing great. I am an emotional eater and when things go wrong, I want to indulge myself. Self Discipline is a mother at times. Whew! I have to give honor to whom honor is due. Thank you Jesus for taking care of me and bringing me through this most difficult time in my life. I praise you for being Lord. I also have to shout out my support system....My best friend, Nadine (Deen) - I don't know what I would do without her in my life and I don't want to find out. Thank You Frenchy for calling me everyday just to check on me... You don't know what hearing your voice does for me. Words can't express my grattitude. Much love goes to my girls Dolphin DeDee and Diamond..you both have the hearts of pure gold and I honestly think things would be more difficult if I didn't have you both to "talk" to everyday. I don't have to say anymore... you know! My rock, my confidante, John (japii)..I have mad love for you and trying to put words to what I feel for you would be insignificant! TPhill - just thinking about what you did for me bring tears to my eyes. Thank you a million times. I will NEVER forget! My prayer warrior, Pastor Di...I feel your love and concern and I know God brought us together for a time such as this...I will always have your back just as I KNOW you have mine. My friend, Lavender R...I just love you! Love to Tasha, Erica Thompson, BJ, Dough Boi, Lisa H, Ms. Splenda, Michelle Jones, Michelle Roberts, Bev H, Jamming James, Nitro, Cherrion, and Dimple Donna. Last, but certainly not least, my sweetheart, Barry. This man has been there for me..giving me his car to drive, putting money in my hands, praying for me, holding me, loving me, letting me cry, and LISTENING to me. I love you, Boo for your soft words of reassurance and your promise to never let me fall. What did I do to be blessed with these wonderful people in my life? I don't know, but I thank God. There are many more who touch my life daily, but I can't list them all. I wish God's richest blessings on all who read this profile! To Thine Own Self, Be True!

3/17/05 - I copied this from the Black American Forum (thanks for posting it, Dolphin DeDee).

Those who achieve
Those who achieve great things are not any smarter or more capable than others. They have simply decided to make use of what's available to them.

Those who achieve great things encounter challenges, obstacles and problems, just as everyone else does. Achievers have simply chosen to work their way through the difficult challenges, rather than be stopped by them.

Those who achieve great things experience plenty of setbacks and disappointments. They have simply decided to take renewed determination, instead of discouragement, from those disappointments.

Those who achieve great things have exactly the same amount of time available in each day as does everyone else. They have simply committed to making the most of each moment.

Those who achieve great things are not any different than anyone else except for this. They decide to do it, and then follow through with persistent, consistent action.

In this way, very ordinary people realize quite extraordinary levels of achievement. In this way, you can do it too.

-- Ralph Marston

4/5/05 - I am now 21 months post-op and still doing great on the weight loss front. Personal life is still rocky, but I'm glad I know who can calm the raging seas. I am able to eat anything that I want, but I CHOOSE to eat healthy (most of the time). I am able to relax in the exercise department, but I CHOOSE to maintain my rigorous exercise schedule (mediocrity has never been my strong suit), I could reduce the amount of protein, water, and vitamins/supplments that I ingest, but I CHOOSE to consume over 100g of protein, 128 oz of water and all vitamins/supplements, everyday. I am a Phenomenal Woman! Phenomenal, that's ME! (thanks Maya Angelou)

4/11/05 - Denied. BCBS denied my requests for reconstructive surgery. Why am I not surprised? Because I've had to fight for everything I've ever gotten and I really didn't expect this to be any different. I was denied for WLS the first time around, but won my appeal and I will be appealing this. Rolling up my sleeves and putting up my dukes!

4/27/05 - I celebrated my 40th birthday this past weekend (4/23) and I am overwhelmed with the love I received from family and friends. People flew in/drove in to help me celebrate and I was swamped with cards, gifts, flowers, hugs, kisses, and emails. A big "thank you" to everyone who helped to make my 40th birthday a memorable one.

5/20/05 - I have a new Angelette. Her name is Tonya (Totally Sure). I have decided to get one new angelette a year. This will be a two-fold blessing. They will get all of my knowledge and expertise **laugh** and I will never be able to forget how far I've come and how God has blessed me. I realized that I have not been giving a weight report on my profile, lately. I have gotten to the point where the number on the scale doesn't matter to me anymore and I seldom weigh. Boy, I remember jumping on the scale, praying that the number would be lower than the time before, becoming frustrated if it wasn't. I remember wondering would I be as successful as the next person. Why are they losing faster than me? Why are they at goal and I'm still 20, 30, 40 pounds from goal and we had surgery at the same time? Why? Why? Why? Now, here I am almost two years later and none of that matters anymore. I will continue to work my tool to the best of my ability, help others along the way, and keep a praise in my mouth for all of HIS wonderful blessings! To Thine Own Self, Be True! Blessings.

5/27/05 - 23 months postop, today. I still do not have a weight report. I will jump on the scale when we go to the gym later on this evening for weight training. Already completed cardio this morning and the thought ran through my mind as I was completing an 8 mile walk/run...who would have ever believed that I would become such an exercise enthusiast. Two years ago, I could barely walk from my office building to my car outside in the parking lot. Two years ago, I could not enjoy a stroll in the mall with my children without stopping at every bench to rest. Look at me now! I can outrun my kids, I can outrun my sweetie, I pass all the skinny women on the trail with a smile on my face...God is good! I encourage all post-ops to take full advantage of the gift you have been given. When you go back to your old ways, you are only hurting yourself. What a waste! Okay, that's enough...I'll save some for my 2 year update. Blessings.

6/27/05 - Today is my 2-year anniversary. I was re-born 2 years ago and I cannot thank God enough for His bountiful blessings. I can clearly remember life as a super morbidly obese woman with a BMI of 54.4 and I can say that I don't ever plan to let her re-emerge. I have gone from not being able to walk a block to running marathons. I have gone from suffering from excruciating back and joint pains to seriously considering competing in body building competitions. I have gone from having NO CONTROL over my eating to realizing that **I** control what enters my mouth. I have gone from being unhappy, miserable, and in loveless relationships to becoming aware that I am worthy and deserving of all the BEST that God has to offer. God made me and He don't make no junk!

As you can probably tell from previous entries, the enemy (devil) has tried to steal my joy. He has been on a mission to have me and sift me as wheat, but God said, "I prayed for you!" I stand firm on the fact that God has never failed nor forsaken me and Satan has come against me with every weapon in his arsenal, but the word of God declares "No weapon formed against you shall prosper and every tongue that rise up against you in judgment, I will condemn for this is the heritage of the children of God."

I have cried many tears, I have prayed many prayers, I have petitioned God like no other and God told the devil to GET BACK!

Through it all, I have tried to be as candid as I could about this journey, both physically and mentally. If you think this road is not challenging then maybe you know something that I don't. Rejoice with me.

Battle 1 - I was fired from job after 23 years of working for civil service. The viciousness/maliciousness of the firing was one that left me shocked, hurt, and confused. The union representative and the attorney whom I employed said that they had never witnessed anything like it. This job was my only source of income and this woman (supervisor) literally wanted me on the street with my minor children, begging bread. Imagine my struggle trying to pay bills, feed and clothe children with NO income. To top it off, they even denied unemployment benefits.
Now, I'm in the job market. I have a MBA, so finding a job will be a piece of cake. WRONG!! I got a lot of broken promises and deception, but more on that later.

Battle 2 - With no job means no insurance, right? The job gave me 31 days to keep my insurance then I would have to switch to COBRA. Okay, I have no money, how can I afford to pay the high price of COBRA. What happens if my children or me get sick? No insurance, no reconstructive surgery.. my dreams were fading fast.

Battle 3 - Relationship. My husband and I separated in the early part of 2004 and six months later I began the process of getting a divorce. Can you say headache? We live in different counties in Georgia and I had to send the Sheriff to his residence on 3 different occasions trying to get him served with the papers, to no avail. He has been very successful at eluding the servers. I had to run ads in the local paper for 4 consecutive weeks to get a divorce through publication. That has been done and now I am waiting on the newspaper to send the notice that all has been taken care of. I will have to file that notice and I will be divorced (almost 2 years later). In the midst of all this drama, he had my truck repossessed! I live in a city with NO public transportation...how am I suppose to get around with my children? I had to go out a buy a new truck which means car note, insurance, and gas and remember, I have NO job!

My thoughts at this point...does anyone love or care for me? Will anyone help me?

I began to read the newspaper for job openings, submitting resumes left and right. Posting on monster.com, careerbuilders.com and every other dot.com site. NOTHING. I called everyone I knew who could possibly give me a lead for a job. NOTHING. I happened upon an ad in the paper for a newspaper carrier. I called the number and finally heard back from the site manager. I was hired! Getting up at 2:00 a.m. throwing newspapers with my Masters Degree carrying self. What a dose of humility. Initially, I was embarrassed that I went from making over $60K/yr to $1000/month, but I heard the voice of the Lord say, "I want that pride." Pride? Me? I guess when you make a certain amount of money, are able to ride in nice vehicles, live in nice homes, buy whatever you want, travel when you get ready...a certain degree of uppityness (is that a word?) sets in. I assume I began to become proud in my own abilities and neglect the ONE who made it all possible. Now I know!
I also put in an application at a major retailer and was hired to work on their management team (so I thought). I arrived at work on the first night ready to take charge and start managing folks, but not so. The supervisor on duty had never heard of me and immediately put me on the line to receive the incoming stock off the truck and stock the store after hours. Hold up! I am a manager! Not a stock person! I was deceived and had to walk away from that. Will this nightmare ever end?

But God has stepped in and showed out! How you may ask?

First - God placed a man in my life who has been by my side through all of the trials and tribulations. We started as friends and I didn't think the relationship would last very long, but what do I know. This man (Barry) has paid my rent EVERY month, paid my utility bills, bought food, paid to have my hair, nails, and feet done. During the brief period when my truck had been repossessed, he gave me his car to drive and kept the tank filled with gas. You know what else? He gets up every weekend and help me throw newspapers! I have exposed myself to him and he still finds me beautiful. Barry is soft-spoken, but I hear him ever so loudly when he says, Boo, I Love You and I will never let you fall. I often joke that I am a kept woman and it's true! Excuse me while I get my praise on!

Secondly, BCBS approved my reconstructive surgery! That's right, my insurance was supposed to expire in 31 days, but God stepped in and my insurance is still in effect. I hold in my hands the approval letter for reconstructive surgery. Guess what? I am approved for an abdominoplasty, mastopexy, and inner thigh lift! Excuse me while I get my praise on!

Thirdly, I was able to withdraw all of my money from my 401K and retirement accounts. I am sitting real pretty, right now. Excuse me while I get my praise on!

Fourthly, I am in the running to get the job of my dreams. I applied for the job and went on the first round of interviews. I am confident that this job is for ME! Training and Quality Manager, here I come. Excuse me while I get my praise on!

Fifthly, God placed true friends in my life. Thank you DeDee and Diamond Princess! These women sent me MONEY in the mail and told me to consider it a gift. Told me to buy some groceries for me and the girls. They never once said go to your family or you should have enough money saved up to see you through. They didn't look at what I may have, they just saw the need. I will never, ever forget what you two did for me. Excuse me while I get my praise on!

Sixthly, God has given me a brother who calls me almost everyday to check on me! This means the world to me. Thank you Frenchy for ALWAYS just being there. Excuse me while I get my praise on!

Seventhly, Thank God for blessing me to lose weight, lose doubt, lose unbelief, lose pride, lose everything that may hinder my relationship with Him.

Eighthly, I thank all my BAF family for being so loving and supportive not just to me, but everyone on the board.

What the devil meant for evil, God has turned it around to be for my GOOD!

7/5/05 - I DID IT! I DID IT! I completed the Peachtree Road Race! It was fun, exhilirating, and it has given me a thirst to go for more. I am now preparing to do a half marathon (13.1 miles) on Thanksgiving Day. See you at the races. To Thine Own Self, Be true! Blessings.

7/22/05 - To anyone reading my profile, I CANNOT take the responsibility of taking on ANY more new Angelettes. I'm sorry, but my plate is full and running over and I would not be able to give you the time that you deserve. Please accept my apologies and know that I wish you well on your journey. I have two more Angelettes to see make it to the losing side....Kenya and MzShoeGoddess. Please pray for their journey! Blessings.

7/29/05 - IT IS FINAL! My divorce, that is. Effective 22 July 2005, I am a single woman. See my entry on 1/25/05 for my feelings concerning the divorce.

I also had my pre-op for reconstructive surgery on 7/27/05. This entailed a complete medical assessment, EKG, CBC and 5 hours later I was cleared for an abdomnioplasty and mastopexy. I'll have to wait a month for the inner thigh lift. Paid my $100 to the hospital for the co-pay and I was on my way. I'll update later on the plastic surgeon's office (whew) because I have a lot to tell! One thing for certain, and I believe with all my heart - NEVER GIVE UP ON WHAT YOU WANT AND BELIEVE THAT YOU DESERVE! God is awesome and He is moving in my life in such miraculous ways. Stay tuned.

Getting ready to meet up with my brothers and sisters from the Black American Forum for our second meet and greet in Atlanta, Georgia. See Ya! Blessings.

8/2/05 - The meet and greet was good, bad, and ugly all rolled in one! Got a chance to see some old friends and make some news ones. So much went on until it would take me until this time next year to write it all.

8/8/05 - I have decided to go for it! I WILL compete professionally in body building competitions despite being told I am big and buff. Women body builders have a negative connotation associated with the sport, but I am determined to be fit and feminine. As soon I get rid of the excess skin...WATCH OUT! Nothing and Nobody can stop me from reaching my goals. If God be for me, He's more than the world against me! I started my 3rd Body For Life Challenge (www.bodyforlife.com), today...did a complete upper body workout (chest, back, shoulders, biceps, triceps, and abs). I am eating a well-rounded diet which includes good carbs. Look for me! To Thine Own Self, Be True! Blessings.

8/16/05 - The trials of this life are hard. I get so tempted to throw in the towel and say what's the use. Everytime I try to do good, evil is always present. I'm reminded of a passage of scripture that says (paraphrased)...Though you slay me, yet will I trust Him. All of my appointed time will I wait until my change come. Still trusting and believing that my change will come. Not ready to divulge any details, but please believe that I AM A FIGHTER! God has equipped me to FIGHT and FIGHT I MUST! I can hear my Pastor saying, "God don't need no coward soldiers!" Blessings!

Let me also say...keep your hate mail. I will not respond nor will I dignify you with an answer. If you have a problem with me or the way I am, TOO BAD! You don't have to read my profile, you don't ever have to respond to my posts, you don't have to like me. Who cares?


SEE MY BLOG FOR THE REST OF THE LOOOONNNNNGGGGG STORY.