Today is my 17 yr old son's last day of school.   He will be a senior in high school next year.   I am so blessed by my 3 sons.    In 5 days I go back to Dr. Rumalla to discuss my revision of my muffin top.   LOL   I can't wait to have that done.   I hope that it won't be too painful.   Hopefully not anymore than it was with my C Section some 17 + yrs ago.   I am so excited for Jenn D. today is her RNY and then next tuesday when I go back to my PS...Bard will be having his VSG in Mexico.    I would never go to Mexico or any other country to have any surgery but that is just me.   Many others have gone abroad and done well with their surgeries.    I can't believe that I have come so far in my  journey.    I still wish that my weight was less....but everyone says that I look great although at times.....I just don't see it.   I wish that the mirror would show me what everyone else sees when they look at me.    Sometimes I see small but most of the time....I still view myself as being a not huge but not small person either.   Also I don't like the numbers that the scale project to me.   I wish that I weighted less....but I am healthy and my weight isn't too bad.    At least I will admit to people what my weight is and don't feel that I have to not tell them the truth due to what the scale says.     I am so proud that I have been successful with maintaining my weight loss and haven't gained a good amount back.    I feel that to be a success at this WLS thing....you have to daily stay on top of your weight.   Some say that weighting once a week is enough.   Well....everyone is different and for me....it is a 2 to 3 times a day thing.    I feel at loss if there isn't a scale nearby for me to weight on.   LOL   Terrible huh???  But I can say that I don't allow myself to gain much weight.    Hopefully after the lipo to my abs area the scale will move downward some more.   Not that I want to loose alot.....maybe 8 to 10 lbs.   But I am happy  where I am now other than all the fat in the mid section.   I know that Dr. Rumalla will take care of that though.   I love him so much and Dr. Kim too.   I owe my life to both of these doctors.    Now if I can build up myself esteem I will be doing good.   

Today I am dealing with MAJOR self esteem issues.   I hate this !!!!  I hate feeling like I am unworthy and unloved.   YUCK.....what a Yucky feeling.   I know that my husband and family loves me but ya know....when you are ignored or taken for granted it sucks.    Maybe they don't even realize what they are doing.   Just like my 17 yr old son saturday at the conference called me to ask what time CiCi's Pizza closes???   Like I really know that since I have not been there in years !!!!  LOL   Geee....talk about dependent upon Mom.   I thought that I had raised all 3 of my son's to be very independent men...I guess I have NOT done that good of a job.   Maybe I mother them too much like I mother everyone on this messageboard.   I am like a Mother hen....trying to protect all the baby chicks....always giving advice to others and I do really try to give very sound advice.    I always try to compliment others but then I have such a majorly hard time accepting compliments myself.   Just some things that I need to work on.   I also need to work on loving and accepting my "new" body.   As imperfect as it is.   There is NO WAY that it could be perfect....I abused it for so many many years....no a lifetime of abuse....overeating till I would have to go to bed because I had made myself sick.   That is just wrong.   Thank God I woke up from that additcition before it killed me.    Thank God I have my family and my OH friends to fall back on when I stumble and fall and lift me up.    I try to be such a loving person to others....just too bad I am not nearly as nice to myself.   That is something I am definately going to be working on.

This weekend was the RYD Conference in Dallas.   It was totally AMAZING !!!!    We heard so many great speakers but more than anything else.....we got to fellowship with our wonderful friends on the TMB !!!!  It was so very good getting to talk and know the ones on the TMB that I have talked to via emails for along time.  It was so wonderful to meet others that helped me along on my journey to loose my weight.    It was so encouraging for Ramon to hand us a OH pin for those of us who had lost 100 or more.  That pin means SOOO MUCH TO ME....as I know that it does to others.   This weekend was just so great.    Anyone who could not go....missed out on SUCH a good time.    If you get the chance in the future to go....please do.   You won't be sorry.

Good Morning and it is a good one....or at least I think that it is.   LOL   I still have not gotten all my clothes together for the conference today.   Gee whiz.  I can't decide if that is why I was having problems sleeping or what.   LOL   Anyway I talked to Kellie M. on the phone last night and told her that I had NO dresses to wear.....Well....I just got into my closet and there was a dress that I haven't worn in a while.   I am going to try it on in a little while and I may wear that to the dinner tomorrow night.   Still unsure about that.   Not that I don't like dresses....I almost always go for comfort.   Dresses to me are NOT comfortable at all.   Although I can say they are better than when I was MO and had to wear those darn panty hose that is when I could find them large enough to tuck or stuff whichever you prefer my stomach in.   LOL  Thank God those days are over !!!   Now I just have to worry about my muffin top.   LOL  But hopefully on June 3rd plans will be underway to get rid of that too.   I pray that I have a good time at the conference.   God knows that I deserve to have a good time now and again.    Life sucks sometimes and sometimes I feel as though my hand that I was dealt was not as great as it use to be but as they say....life changes sometimes.    Enough of that.   I pray that I can inspire someone or help someone out at the conference.    Hope that if you are reading this that you are going to go.   It WILL be awesome !!!

Hugs and Blessings