Last night I went to a High School football game.  My son was playing in the band.  I hadn't seen him march before.  We ate dinner at Jack in the Box (I had two chicken stips) and we walked to the stadium.  I was overwehelmed with my ability to walk.  I could have never walked that far, without excrutiating pain.  I was fine.  I went up and down the stadium bleachers without a thought.  Well actually, with a lot of thought and joy.  I never want to forget where I came from, from pain and overwhelming fear.

I was once asked what my biggest secret was, without thinking I said, that I'm fat.  Like my 400 + body could be camophlaged like that.  I wanted everyone to think that I was fine, I could do whatever I wanted.  But I couldn't and I lived in fear that some stranger would see me attempt something and fail.  Like climbing stairs or fitting in a seat.  So I stopped trying.  

It's amazing that I feel like I can try.  I may still fail, but the shame is gone.  Even though I am far from ideal body weight, I feel normal, like I fit.  It is good.