July 4, 2009 on July 4, 2009 5:35 pm
Hard to believe its July 2009. Very soon it will be 4 years since my journey began. Every bit of my life has changed since then. 99.9% of the time I have no regrets. The other .1% not worth mentioning. The honeymoon stage is wonderful, just like marriage. Now going into my 4th year I have been acting like I never had this surgery. Making stupid food choices. Not eating and when I do its waisted calories. Why am I doing this? I think it is just letting my guard down. I use to think ALL I ever did was weigh. But that is what kept me on track soooooooooo today I put a new battery in and it's time to start over. I have some health issues, that are new, really bothering me. I haven't been taking vitamins. I haven't done any exercising. I feel like crap and It is my own fault.
So on this 4th of July we are all so thankful for our FREEDOM. I have my own FREEDOM AND I DON'T WANT TO GIVE IT UP.
HEADING TO THE STORE TO STOCK THE HOUSE. GOING TO SEE DR. TOM ON FRIDAY AND FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH MY LABS BEING OUT OF LINE.
I feel so anxious. Worried I am going to get fussed at for gaining weight. This is why I avoided going to the doctor years ago. This is the same feeling I failed at WW because I didn't want to weigh. Oh well. I am no where close to 4 years ago. No I can't get into my size 6-8 that I could at 14months post op. But I can wear the same shorts I wore last year but they are a little snuggggg.
I pray that this will past and I don't let my spirit get so down that I wake up at 300lbs. Time to get out my binder and re read everything. I wish I could meet with Beth, the nutrionist from years ago but there again that is a confrot zone. I can meet a new one.
"PLEASE GOD GIVE ME THE STRENGHT THAT I NEED TO GET BACK IN CONTROL
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