I have been thinking about this for a very long time - since I started my WLS journey.  I knew this is what I wanted and I knew exactly how I wanted it to look and here it is!

I am feeling so darn frustrated and disappointed.  I have lost the momentum and the excitement from all the appointments and now I sit and wait.  It could be 3 months from now until I get a date.

I look at all the things I have done in preparation, purchasing foods, vitamins, optifast etc and I get so discouraged and impatient. I have been tracking my protein, carbs & fats, started working out and guess what?  The scale went UP 2 lbs!  OMG! 

I know it takes a while and I know it will be my turn at some point - but the head nor the heart wants to hear that.

I am taking it as a test for not stuffing myself to numb the feelings.  I have to learn to cope with these things without food - never knew it would be this hard..... I just want to cry.

I have great support around me, and only a few know I am doing this.  They are excited for me, but keep asking when are you going, have you heard anything etc etc etc - but they don't know how it feels, how discouraging it is and how alone I feel in this struggle.

Thanks for listening......

I have started working out!  I love it!  I remember how much I loved it before and it felt soooo good!

Three times a week - 1/2 hr cardio and 1/2 hr weights and exercises.  I love the gym I use, it is actually a physio therapy office - so no one there (except the trainers) is in perfect shape.  (That is a definate bonus)  Everyone is there, just working on their bodies to make them better - so cool!

I asked my GP for a referral to a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist.  I saw her today and it was a very informative visit.  She said I am normal and healthy.  She doesn't know me very well!
We covered stress / emotional eating. We talked about the two voices in our heads - the "pleasure seeker" and the "harm avoidance". For years, I was so stressed and unhappy - it was the "pleasure seeker" talking all the time. And I fed her - non stop. Now, I am happy and emotionally/psychologically healthy and that bitch is suppressed! The "harm avoidance" is taking over - change it up - get healthy - avoid unhealthy habits.

Also - talked about recognizing cravings. Taking the time to realize why we are craving (the bitch is raising her head), stress, anger, emotional - and to make the feeling better without food. By using other coping techniques like a bubble bath, dancing to loud music, any hobby, or playing with the

Final thing she suggested - to make up cue cards with all the reasons I want to lose weight. Keep these handy at all the places you are vulnerable. When the feelings/cravings/thought start to surface, turn to the card and read why you are making the choices you are making. I think this will really help.

It was a great visit - hopefully someone else will use these techniques as well.
 

Well I started shopping for the products I will need after surgery.  It really seems like it will happen now. 

I am glad I started now, trying to figure out the protein counts and planning meals is interesting.  I find myself googling something that I think might work for me "after" and writing down the protein, carb and fat contents.

Bought some protein powder for drinks, crystal light, SF jello and puddings, liquid Calcium Citrate w/ D3, benefibre, papaya enzymes and a blender.  Getting a little stack on the counter!

Preparation is always the hardest part and most important part of any big project - so I am getting prepared!