Steve finished the 17th radiation treatment yesterday. He is glad to get the daily radiation over. Now he is just needing to heal the area of radiation and get over the tiredness that has started getting worse.

I am doing okay, we are in the busy season for the family. David is a 3rd year(equivalant to a regular college sophomore)at the Naval Acadamy and is on the Varsity Heavyweight Crew team. Sarah is 17 and doing varsity lacrosse. Becca is 14 still in religious school, Jazz band, modified (Junior high) lacrosse and travel soccer. So needless to say we are running everywhich way.

Steve and a buddy took off for 3 days in Washington DC and Annapolis Maryland to see David at a crew race on the Potamac River. I am home with the girls doing the local girls sporting.

For me personally I started to teach a water-weight aerobic class on Saturday mornings. I also have been busy in the last few monthes with religious events that I was running- Passover megilla reading and a womans seder. I have been working my two regular jobs as well. Trying to keep an even emotional keel going so I do not stress eat.

Well we are needing the luck of the Irish in this house as Steve starts radiation tomorrow. As I am one to cover my bases besides my st paddy's green shirt I had on a necklace with an anchor, a horn, an elephant,  a hamsa, a heart, and evil eye and a jewish star.

Eating is an adventure again as I am in the stress eating portion of this cancer ride. I am just trying to keep it out of reach, limit the quanities I buy and finally just not stress if I do eat more than I would normally. Hopefully this will all settle down.

I lost quite a bit of weight the first week of Steve's lymphoma. Not sure how much but jeans that were in the pile to go to Salvation Army for being too tight are fitting again. I can also see it in my face. My belt is about an inch tighter through the hips.
My BMI is 27, weight stable for 3 days.

I am really watching the carbs, I stress eat and when I do it is candy and sweet bakery goods. So I have just cut them out totally. I do not need the stress of eating them, and weight gain.

I am focusing on Steve and getting him through the next day- the visit to the 2nd opinion oncologist.

Have still swam everyday the pool has been available. 

Keeping strong.
Keeping my supplements going and protein loading.

I was finally able to tell our son the news. He finished mid-terms on Friday and did excellent. He had a fun weekend planned in Washington, DC. I asked him on the phone, did he want the bad news now or when he got back to school. He wanted it then. I gave him the bad news I was not sure my DH would get through it without breaking down. It went as well as expected, I did talk to the girlfriend and told her what was going on too. She reassured me she will take care of him. What a blessing this young lady is in his life and by extension ours as well.

My hubby had a mini-meltdown later, which consisted of ignoring my daughter and I. I just tried to ignore it. Then he started in on how I had upset him, about some trivial book being maybe dropped out of the car. I took it hard and when finally calm was able to articulate that he had hurt my feelings. I am trying to be strong here but I am fragile as well. Apologies all around and we are back on a more even keel.

I know this will be common. He tends to bottle up all feelings until they erupt either in anger or abject misery. I am just trying to stay strong and remember that forgiveness is the easiet route right now.

The good news the bone marrrow and Petscan were good. 
The bad news is the pathology is not what we had hoped for and worse than that it is "mixed". Meaning that it has both the bad type of lymphoma with some of the better cells in there too. This caused us to not have Steve start chemotherapy as planned. This tumor slides were sent to a second specialist and we follow there this next week. 

The scary part is the better, more aggressive fast growing tumor is more responsive to chemotherapy. I worry about the delay in starting treatment. Are those cancer cells moving and growing in other lymph glands.

I am really struggling to eat. me the queen of stress eating has no appetite and my usual stress foods are just not working. I have absolutely no desire to eat and am forcing myself to eat protein bars for breakfast and lunch. I am eating dinner with Steve and one child each night so for their sake I am eating. My 14 yearold said "mom your face is starting to get too skinny". Jeans I had put into the Salvation Army pile, because without lycra they were fitting too tight are very comfortable again.

I was so sad the life guard test I had been training two monthes for is the same day as our trip to the specialist. The head of the aquatics at the YWCA felt so bad for me she has promised to run the class again this spring. She made me keep training for it. The swimming laps helps with the stress, I am swimming so much faster.

I am still praying for the strenght to be there for my husband and kids. God is good and when I feel I can not stand it I am renewed to try and face each day with grace and dignity.