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- Books & Literature - Closet book worm.
- Business & Career - I work hard and enjoy my career.
- Dogs - Adore my little love-bug. Ok, so she's NOT little at 72lbs!!
- Music - Enjoy a wide genre of music, depending on my mood.
- Football - If it's Sunday and my Birds are playing...step away from the TV.
- Men - Yep, I like 'em!! Said while batting my eyelashes...
- WLS in your 30's - 30-something and full of life!! And the future looks just as bright.
Life is grand! on July 1, 2008 8:58 pm
Wow, I just realized I am now 14 months post-surgery. Life IS grand! No better way to describe it. Work life, home life, social life, health life - -everything is in a good place at the moment. Was just talking to my Sis the other day and said how happy and at peace I feel. Sure, there are bumps in the road - - my work drives me crazy most days. Our stock price is down the toilet which causes concerns about job security. Unrealistic demands, limited work resources to get the job done and all that. But it's no different than most other places I imagine right now.
I am down 180+ lbs and the scale is still moving. I feel more balanced in my outlook on food. Not near perfect (what is THAT anyway?!) but much better than before. I am still ultra conservative (by most peoples standards) in my food choices - - - MY choices -- but not feeling deprived or anything.
Dating is exhilarating. Seriously! While I *am* still the same person with the same values I've always had...I am a bit different. Different in that I am re-experiencing things now in my NON-SMO life. I have been both fat and thin PRIOR to WLS so I do have memories of my "thin" life. But honestly I don't think they were as good as things are now. My head is in a better place, my values are in tact and my zest for life is in full swing. But it's not a careless zest like it was in my thin 20's. I do believe I have GAINED so much in this journey so far. So while I don't EVER wish to have been fat, I do appreciate all that I have learned along the way.
I am now looking into plastic surgery. I personally would still like to lose a bit more but would be content right where I am as well. Now my skin...whole 'nother story. Looking at THAT pisses me off. That is when I get frustrated with myself. With the denial I held myself in for several years. Things I think I need done...arms, legs, tummy and boobs - FOR CERTAIN. Have a consult set up with a surgeon who is familiar with WLS patients. Of course, this will be one of several consultations because I am scared to death of plastic surgery. I will do my research thoroughly. I had nauseau for WEEKS after RNY and I keep having this thought of tempting fate once with electing to have RNY. But I know in my heart it's just something I gotta do for myself.
Well it's off to la-la land for me right now.
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
- Abraham Lincoln
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365 on May 1, 2008 8:37 pm
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I seriously cannot grasp that one whole year - 365 days - has passed by. I remember as clear as day feeling like I was run over by a mack truck right after surgery. Smelling THAT hospital smell. Fluttering my eyes open to see my Sis standing there with a big forced smile, worried look and sigh of relief. The intense need to pee and contemplating what body parts I would use to get outta bed to reach the bathroom. The fuzzy blue slipper socks that I *still* use on days when I am looking for a comfort day. Thanking God that I did actually wake up and showed signs of being coherent & stable. Assuring my nurse I would take those 4 pieces of crushed pain pills in a just a few minutes....then promptly tossing them down the drain.
The past year has been filled with ups and downs. Mostly ups. I feel incredibly healthy. I am active. And it doesn't hurt when I am active now. In fact, most days I can't sit still. I have lost 162 lbs and each day make a conscious CHOICE to respect my body like never before.
Life is good. I hope I am lucky enough to take this amazing trip down memory lane next year on this day. And again in 20 years. 50 years.
I am thankful for my Sis who has stood by me through thick and thin. At my best and at my worst. Without judgement but with encouragement, kindness, compassion and love.
Today, I feel very blessed.
Itchy, itchy... on April 23, 2008 2:23 pm
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Well first, I really suck at updating this blog. Guess it's cause I'm an old fashioned girl (ahem...NO comments!) and still write in a journal - yep, the PAPER kind!! So this online blog gets the red headed stepchild treatment.
Happy to say I am minus more than 150 lbs!! Now the last few months on the scale have been very S L O W. It's all good though because my clothing sizes are still moving down. Never quite understood that phenomena but it's true for me. I'm a bit nervous for my 1 year lab results as I have been feeling sluggish lately. I take all my vits regularly but ya never know. And my doc is gonna bug me about taking out the gallbladder since I have "sludge" in there. I'm just not wanting to do that. Guess I have some little attachment to that useless bugger. Something about permanently removing body parts just doesn't sit right with me. I suppose if/when the sludge causes me a real gallbladder attack like I have heard about from others...I might feel different at that point.
Now anywho...about this itch I have. Over the past few months, I have this intense feeling that I want to change a bunch of things in my life. Oh you know, like change my career, move across the country , backpack in Europe for vaca and all that. The funny thing is...there is nothing particularly wrong with my current life!! Sure, I'm NOT feeling the love for work like I used to but that's just cause the politics exhaust me. But I'm smart enough to know that corporate politics are EVERYWHERE!! So not sure what I'd be gaining exactly. Although I *do* seem to thrive in the "fresh slate" environments that I can build up to whatever I want. I'd miss my family (well some of them) terribly. And it'd have to be somewhere that has 4 seasons cause I actually dig the Fall & Winter months! So....do I scratch that itch?
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."
- Lao Tzo
Just cruising along on January 14, 2008 7:15 pm
to the Bahamas baby!! I'm so excited to go you'd think it was my very first vacation or something, LOL. I've been to beautiful places before but I just know having fun in the sun with my Sis will make this a special trip. Funny how I planned this trip going essentially "solo" as a mission. Always thought it would be cool to take a vacation by myself. Still want to do that sometime in the near future. But it turned out that my Sis would be coming along as well. Guess you could say it was meant to be.
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My WLS progress is continuing to go well. I *think* I'm in a better place not getting so freaked about the scale. Someone please remind me of that when I am boo-hooing over a stupid pound or two.
And one of these days I just might actually post a picture or two.
Lately I've been hanging around the Main forum board. Kinda like it there. Wide variety of people and I enjoy the "Grateful" posts by Ramon! And participating in that post is a bonus for my soul.
So I am thinking about taking a Belly Dancing class. What a hoot that would be! Pondering that one to see if I can make it work with my other commitments. And if I have the nerve to go through with it!! We shall see.
"Dance is the poetic baring of the soul through motion."
- Scott Nilsson
Not as "healthy" as I thought... on January 1, 2008 4:30 pm
So I've been (silently) proud about the healthy choices I've been making. I'm not a "shout it from the rooftop" kinda girl when it comes to myself. Heck, I don't even have a ticker because I think only my doc and I really care how much weight I lose.
Well in one freaking day, my "healthy" choice gets thrown to the wind. Correction, I throw it to the wind. Here's how it happened. Toss in a helping of serious family drama since Christmas day, an ounce of disgust over reading some recent posts on OH and sprinkle in the knowledge of upcoming job stress. And voila...I find myself making a bad choice. I get that this isn't a big deal to some people but to me it was and still is. And I didn't binge on a bag of Cheetos or a box of Krispy Kremes or anything like that - but it wasn't a healthy life choice nontheless. And the sad thing is that I had "that conversation" with myself while I was making said bad decision. You know, the conversation where you talk yourself out of making a bad choice. But apparently, I didn't really care.
So to every bad thing, something good MUST come of it as well...right? Otherwise I will have missed the life lesson and repeat it. I guess the thing I learned is that I really need to find something besides exercise and my "control" over food to help me cope with stress.
Ok, now my pity party is officially over. In reality, 2007 was a great year for me. And I know 2008 will be just as rewarding, if not more.
"In times of stress, be bold and valiant."
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I have been fat and thin - at different times in my life. I was a big baby. As a child, I was average size. During my teens, puberty hit and I continued to be average but unfortunately my insecure self at the time didn't see that. And here begins the downward spiral of horrendous eating choices. My teen years overall were fun - - no regrets here. But I did feel the need to constantly compare myself to my circle of friends who happened to be quite slim. We'd do the usual lay outside and get tan. But we also decided to starve ourselves. And then it transferred to binge eating. And so on. I remember my senior year in high school wearing a size 0/2. Can't even imagine wearing a size 0/2 now!
So the years went on and so did life. And relationships. And continued poor eating habits that I 'learned' in high school. Also didn't help that I grew up in an environment where my Grandmother could cook and bake like no one else in the world. And every event, occasion or success was celebrated with food. I maintained a decent weight until the mid 90's. Was in an 'unhealthy' personal relationship and my weight spiraled out of control right along with the relationship. Don't get me wrong...I take full responsibility for my weight issue. I blame only myself. It has been enlightening to see the correlation as I've had the chance to reflect on my thoughts of "how the heck did I get here on the surgery table?!"
Fast forward to 2007. Life is good. Career is going well. Dating is fun. I'm at peace with the person I am on the inside. The one thing that weighs on my mind (pun intended here) is that I won't be around to enjoy this wonderful life I have created for myself. I can't let that happen. And like most everyone else, I have tried diets of all kinds. So after thinking and learning about it for many years, I finally made the decision to go for RNY.
There is so much more in this life for me to explore and enjoy. It's time to do all I can to ensure I have as many possible wonderful moments in this life as I can. So here I am. Ready, willing and able.