Congrats on your
surgery! I am
honored to welcome
you to the losing
side...woohoo!!!! I
wish you success on
your journey. This
is the first step to
your new life as a
healthy woman!:0)
Hi Tanya,
I hope your surgery
is a success and the
next few months fly
by. This is your
time, your life, and
your surgery. The
very best of luck to
you.
Cheryl
On September 12th Hurricane IKE came through Houston and changed my world. Everyone kept saying that I am too far north and nothing would happen. Wrong- without power for 16 days in a row, lack of food, ice and water- roof damage, fence damage to our house and BF house has major roof damage, fence down, ruined carpets, drywall damage- In order to handle the stress I went to DFW and the best people in the world put together last minute a truck and uhaul FULL of food, water, supplies and clothes for so many people. TMB is the best ever and I can never thank enought people. Then the following week, went back and they did it again. Amazing blessing to us and to so many. I am always blown away and humbled by OH and TMB- Texas you rock taking care of our own. Lost 8lbs so I need to get back on track as I am losing too much and that freaks everyone out. Going to FL on Monday for work for a week and then on Monday Oct 13th Methodist Weight Loss Management is doing my 2 year check up- get to see RN, NUT and shrink again just like when I was trying to get approved. Maybe they wont approve me now ROFL. Take care of you and all those you matter to.
Thank you for those who post and answer as I could not do this alone and I am grateful for your help and honesty- good to know I am not alone :)
I have been reading a book called the body betrayed on eating disorders and I found an interesting thought that hit me hard. It spoke about the relation of past abuse and continuing the abuse to ourselves. You see if abuse and negativity is all you have learned and heard- it percepticates into adult hood and it comes straight from the victim herself more than her abusers. That coorlates with comfort of knowing that even negative comments is better than being ignored. So here is my question today...
What NEGATIVE comments do YOU say to YOURSELF? Do YOU find that these are harder than what others do or would say to YOU?
OMG I so do this to myself every single day. I am my own worst enemy. I see myself in the mirror and think and say horrible things such as look how old I look, my butt is flat, my thighs have filled out since I started working out so much- I still see and tell myself that I am fat. With work, I joke that maybe today they will discover that I dont know what I am doing. Tell my head that I can never get insurance stuff. With my family I say Jim can find better than me and my kids suffer cause I so dont know how to be the best Mom. I would never let another speak to me the way that I do to myself. Had no idea that I was punishing myself cause that is what i grew to know is normal. Normal is so over rated. I suck in this guys and I am not sure if I can make the "voice" go away but going to try to catch it and make it back to a positive.
Today I am asking for a solution to changing those negative thoughts- place a rubber band on your wrist today and pop it when you say something mean or harsh to YOURSELF then turn it around and say something POSITIVE- this reminds you that this is NO LONGER ALLOWED!!!
What were YOUR expectations for WLS? What are they NOW and have YOU reached or adjusted them?
For me, I expected from my surgery to have my weight at 140 and a size 9 and then I would have deemed it successful. But then I also "wished" to weigh 118 like I did in high school and it would be so amazing to see a size 7 which I had never worn. I always had the expectation to get PS as I have always wanted my tummy done and the girls lifted- never thought they would hallow out but I knew and got exactly what I had planned on. Now I never expected to now weigh 124lbs and in a solid size 2. Yes I have to adjust it to keep the bounce within the 10 lb range and to allow some jeans will be a size 4 as some are a size 0-It is funny how things like expectations blur with wishes and wants- as that is so far from NEEDS.
Obviously I wanted to be healthier but I also expected to be HAPPIER. I honestly thought if I could reach these expectations than I would be happy and perfect and everything was solved. God, I still wish but have discovered that this is not the case- You see our surgery fixed an organ- but the soul, person, and spirit needs something that a procedure can not fix. Trust me I have had alot of procedures these past 2 years and my "SELF" isnt fixed- better yes God YES, but done nope.
Would I really want it to be done though? What goal would I be standing here working on- so today for me is I think this means my expectation is to continue growing and discovering who and what I am and what I have to offer. Make sure you are honest with YOURSELF and with others today- it allows YOU to show and be who YOU really are. See you soon.... Tanya
I can not believe that I am sitting here today and it is my 2 year re-birth and I am on top of the world. No one could have ever told me 2 years ago that my life would be so dramatically diferent and wonderful. I have never been healthier in my whole life- there is no pain except normal getting older things, I can walk forever and never get winded or shin spints. I can walk up stairs and not be wanting God to take me right then and there. There is no acid reflux or low blood sugar issues (except when I go too long without eating). I love jumping on the scale now and wish my drivers licence would ask me what my weight was as I never have to lie again. Food is not my friend but something I need to maintain my life and my lifestyle. Coming to terms of what I need and want has happend cause of this surgery as well. I am now an active member and participate in my life and that of my children- that is worth its weight in gold (pun intended) No longer do I try to sleep my life away but cant wait to get up at 4am and post my daily thread and say hi to my choosen family on the train and greet the world. There have been so many changes in my world that I am afraid I wont even remember them all and will have to go back and edit this. To start with lets get to stats as you know everyone always wants to know those things. I started out at 261lbs and wearing a size 22/24. Today I weigh 124lbs and wear a solid size 2/4's and can and do have many outfits that are size 0!!!!! Now I can walk into any store and I mean any store and buy clothes right off the shelf. In fact, everything is so stable that I can order things online and they always fit. I am so not afraid of the camera and in fact love my picture taken. For wayyy too many years I was behind the camera hiding and not part of my families history- now we are making history and an account of our lives for my grandchildren someday.
I can eat anything now pretty much but still lactose intolerate and cant do chicken or eggs well (hardboiled only) Still very sensitive to sugar levels and can handle only about 8gms at a time- still dump hard and fast if I go over that or eat too fast or dont chew, none of that has changed at all. 99% of the time I so thrilled to know that my tool works just like it did but there are days that it can piss me off as well. Ever since they fixed my internal hernia from losing even the fat around my bowels, I can eat more food and that has me on edge. Still have days where I can eat and eat and never be full it feels like and other days where I dont want anything at all and have to PUSH myself to eat. I still strive for 80gms of protein and never drink enough water like I am supposed to. The amt of food I can handle is almost 1 cup a meal and anymore than that, I am sick. I do take my vitamins every single day even on vacation and am a huge advocate for taking them. You made the committment to this surgery and life- now it is also up to YOU to take care of the body!!! Medically I have also had so many things happen that I feel like I am the bonic woman sometimes. I have had my RNY, then back surgery to remove my LP and in and out of hospital for 3 months as I leaked spinal fluid with migranes from hell. Then I had brain surgery and had my head shaved. Healed after that and had plastic surgery in the fall and then internal hernia. Still have a touch up to do on the "girls" but that is at the office so I think I am done with any more surgeries. I think all of you would kill me anyway if I had another- muttered about getting my underarms and outer thighs done and thought Jim would have a heart attack- guess that would be a no? LOL I have also seriously struggled with being underweight and Garth has lost his mind with me way too many times now about it. I see him on Monday and think he will like me at my current weight cause this is where I can maintain and like being in. People are no longer in my face about being too thin and with the tan they really leave me alone now :) The friendships here on OH have been the best thing that has ever happened to me. That is a huge thing about this surgery that I never knew could happen- making new friends and in fact a new wonderful supportive choosen family. Everyday I ride the train on TMB and it is like leaning over the fence talking with my neighbors. Then since January I have been writing a daily thread called Honeymoon phase over now what- for post ops that no longer have the wow's or changes in clothes or the scale and left kinda hangin saying ummm ok now how do I live a normal life. What got us fat in the first place and how do we keep from gaining that weight back. It happens to the best of people and some of my friends and I will be damned if I let it affect anyone else including myself. I am giving back to all of the people that give to me everyday and I would be so lost without them. I love you guys so much and am crying now with pride and love to each of you.
Here is some information about me: I am 38 year old with 2 teenager girls, Amanda 18 and Nicole 15. I have a very sweet supportive boyfriend named Jim. I have been an ICU nurse for over 10 years now and love what I do ( most nights ) I work 7p-7a so I am part vampire most days lol
I did this surgery because for right now, I don't have HTN or DM but if I continued at being so overweight I would develop these diseases and I want to live. I used to think this was for my girls to have me around to be a grandmother. Now I know this is for me- to live and have a life!!!!
I was a skinny kid and very active tom boy. When I hit puberty, my body changed and in so, I became bulimic to maintain a certain weight. I had some serious childhood traumas and I kept my body looking as a child instead of growing up. I weighed 118 pounds and loved how I looked. Then when I got pregnant with my first child- I ate myself to gain 50 pounds. Never totally lost it all and then only gained 17 with my 2nd child and lost 40 more pounds. I don't think I have been below 140 for 20 years.
My highest weight was 261 that I know of. I did not get on the scale for years and years not wishing to face the truth. I also stopped being in front of the camera and started shutting myself in the house- I went to work and small kid things but I stopped dancing, parties, parks or anything recreational. I tried to go to the rodeo last year and the overhead bar would not close over my chest- swore I had had enough and hated myself.
The weights I do remember are 208 cause it was the time when I was dating for the first time after my divorce and 162 back in 1999 when I took myself to Cancun for a reward alone and had the time of my life. I think my total weight goal would be 130 pounds- although I would be in heaven being 125!!!!!
Weight Loss Chart
Week Post
Amount Lost
Weight
0 Day of surgery
0
252
1 8/9/06
10
242
2 8/16/06
15 (-5)
237
3 8/23/06
18 (-3)
234
4 8/30/06
22 (-4)
230
5 9/6/06
25 (-3)
227
6 9/13/06
30 (-5)
222
7 9/20/06
30 (-0) stall
222
8 9/29/06
33 (-3)
219
9 10/4/06
38 (-5)
214
10 10/11/06
41 (-3)
211
11 10/18/06
43 (-2)
209
12 10/25/06
46 (-3)
206
13 11/1/06
50 (-4)
202
14 11/12/06
54 (-4)
198
15 11/15/06
56 (-2)
196
16 11/22/06
58 (-2)
194
17 11/29/06
60 (-2)
192
18 12/6/06
62 (-2)
190
19 12/13/06
64 (-2)
188
20 12/20/06
68 (-4)
184
21 12/27/06
68 (0)
184
22 1/3/2007
69 (-1)
183
23 1/10/2007
70(-1)
182
24 1/17/2007
72 (-2)
180.8
Weight Loss Chart
Weight Loss Chart
Week Post
Amount Lost
Weight
0 Day of surgery
261 pre-surgery
252
25 1/24/2007
74 (-2)
178
26 1/31/2007
77(-3)
175
27 2/07/07
78(-1)
174
28 2/14/07
79 (-1)
173
29 2/21/07
80(-2)
172
30 2/28/07
84 (-4)
168
31 3/07/07
hospital
32 3/14/07
80 (+4) hospital
172
33 3/21/07
80
172
37 4/18/07
78 (+2)hospital
174
38 4/25/07
83 (-5)
169
39 5/02/07
82 (+1)
170
40 5/09/07
87 (-5) YEA!!!
165
41 5/18/07
88 (-1)
164
42 6/1/07
88 (0)
164
43 6/15/07
91 (-3)
161
44 6/22/07
93 (-2)
159
45 6/29/07
93 (0)
159
46 7/6/07
93 (0)
159
47 7/13/07
95(-2)
157
50 8/2/07
1 Year Later
98(-7)
150
10/14/2007
109 (-11)
141
11/11/07
114 (-5)
136
12/31/07
129 (-15)
121
8-2-06 252 (surgery) wearing tight 20 and 22 pants/ 20-22 shirts
8-9-06 242 -10
8-16-06 237 -15 (-5)
8-23-06 234 -18 (-3)
8-30-06 230 -22 (-5) too loose 20's but too tight for 18's/18 shirts
9-6-06 227 -25 (-3) total inches lost 22!!!!
9-13-06 222 -30 (-5)
9-20-06 222 -30 (-0) stayed this weight for a damn week sigh
9-29-06 219 -33 (-3) 8 weeks post op 2 months
10-4-06 214 -38 (-5)
10-11-06 211 -41 (-3) uniform was 2x and now a Large!!!
10-18-06 209 -43 (-2) the scale is stuck
10-25-06 206 -46 (-3) 12 weeks post op 3month checkup
11-01-06 202 -50 (-4) total inches lost 56
11-08-06 200 -52 (-2) damn scale WONT hit Onederland!!!!! 11/12/06 198 pounds- I am in Onederland!!!!!!
11-15-06 196 -56 (-4) Size 14 Jeans!!!!!
11-22-06 194 -58 (-2) Feeling so wonderful NOW!!!!!!
11-29-06 192 -60 (-2) 16 weeks Post OP Uniform is now a MEDIUM
12/06/06 190-62 (-2) scale is moving too slowly!!!!
12/13/06 188 -64 (-2) 2 lbs a week??? Size 12 dresses!!!!
12/20/06 184 -68 (-4) much better loss this week
12/27/06 184 (0) scale is stalled
1/3/07 Happy New Year!!!! 5 months 183 (-1) still stalled and pissed
1/10/07 182 (-1) 1 pound a week- this is CRAZY and making me MAD
1/17/07 180.8 (-1.2) hate this slow loss!!! going to take forever to goal
1/24/07 178 (-2) ok this is the pattern now -2 lbs a week
1/31/07 175 (-3) I am at another goal early and it is my 6 month mark
2/7/07 174 only 1 lb but will take it :)
3/2/07 7 months post op 168 (-8) this month -93lbs highest and -84lbs surgery
3/24/07 bought 11/13 pants from walmart jr section!!!! All 3 of us shop same area
4/17/07 wearing size small shirts and size 10 pants can you believe it?????
5/2/07 wearing size SMALL uniforms!!!! Was a 2x 9 months ago
5/11/07 I weigh 165 pounds and finally the scale is moving again- stalls suck
6/15/2007 I weigh 161, the same exact highest recorded weight- all downhill from here!!!!
7/15/07 I weigh 157 and wear 9/10 JUNIORS!!! Can you believe how small in less than 1 yr?????
I tried on size 8 jeans at Old Navy and had to go back and buy SIZE 6 OMG never wore a 6 9/14/07
Tried on and fit and then bought size 4 jeans and size 6 are a little big LIFE ROCKS 10/14/2007
7/24/2008 almost 2 years to the day and I weigh 119 pounds- bounce between 116- 125 - life is the best ever
Mini Goals:
weigh 208- was this weight when I got divorced Done 10/16/06
weigh <200 not for 8 years Done 11/12/06
weigh 180 by New Years Eve 2007 Done 01/12/07
weigh 175 by my birthday Feb 2007 Done 02/02/07 early!!!!
weigh 170 by my birthday Feb 2007? Done 3/2/07 hospital but weight is 168
weigh 165 Done 5/12/2007 I cant believe it finally
weigh 160 by June 1st 2007 Done 6/15 only 2 weeks off LOL
weigh 155 by July 4th 2007 Done 8/2 month off
Goal weight 150 by 1 year surgery date 8/02/07
BMI no longer obese status Done 12/16/06
BMI no longer Overweight/normal BMI Done Aug 2nd, 2007!!!!
size 14 jeans Done 11/12/06
size 12 jeans/dress Done 12/13/06
size 11 jeans Done 3/21/07
size 10 jeans 5/23/07
size 9 jeans Done 7/4/07 9/10 JUNIORS small shirts
size 7/8 jeans Done 9/14/07 and Extra Small scrubs
size 5/6 pants (would this be possible) YES IT IS POSSIBLE AND I WEAR 6's and those are kinda big in fact
Size 4 done 12/01/2007 even with my PS garment I now wear a solid 4
size 2 Never going to happen IT FREAKING CAN HAPPEN- I AM NOW A SIZE 2 WITH NO PS GARMENT 12/25/07
SIZE 0 pants/skirt I AM THERE AND NEVER GOING TO LEAVE THIS- I CANT FREAKING BELIEVE I WEAR A ZERO 2/6/08- STILL WEARING IT ON 7/23/08
Ex Family- shown I look skinny and hot Done 11/26/06
Telling my family my real weight and how much I really am now done 10/6/2007 they said they never would have guessed that
Add as a Friend
Send Message
Member Card
Block Member
