My story...hmmm....

Well lets see, I am a married (twice) mother of 6. Three teenage girls (war is easier) and three boys, on in college, two younger 10 and 7.  Three are biological, three are step (but mine in every way that counts).

I have had a "rough" life off and on, and I have had cycles of abuse, and self-loathing, and weight gain. I tend not to dwell because negativity breeds negativity.

I am 18 years younger than my husband , and chose when I married him to do something I had never done before and that was be a stay at home Mom. It is the worst and best job I have ever had (I have a B.A. in literature) , and was a huge change from my normal. For the first time in my life, I am happy and in a "normal" (whatever that is) relationship.

My weight has always been a struggle. I have always been heavy or on the borderline. I have been told, you have such a beautiful face, wow your really funny, oh my your really smart, you look great for a big girl, I wish I could have that much confidence being that big. All those back-handed compliments, that are laced with the "if you weren't so fat in the background".
I have hated myself for my perceived weakness, and lack of control. I have hated my body, and myself in general for a very long time. I am a pro at being self-deprecating.

I am finally done with all of that. Done with trying to be invisible, done with others standards. I am finally doing something for me!  It is really hard to do it too, I have been programmed that as a woman, and a mother I have no rights to anything, that everyone elses' priorities are my own, that I always come last, that I must feel guilty if I am happy....  Done with it all!