In the beginning.... on June 25, 2012 10:26 am
I remember being active as a child, swimming and playing almost every day in the summer. But as I grew, the pounds kept coming on with my age. After graduation came college, marriage and my 3 beautiful boys were born, gaining about 20 pounds with each child that never seemed to come off. My first marriage ended very young, so I through myself into food to help make things better.. As the kids grew, so did their activities and functions took priority over my own. A few years later I remarried to a wonderful man. Life still very busy, eating on the run to the next sport event or music concert heating up a quick frozen dinner just to get done...
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I've always been an emotional eater, anytime I was stressed about money or work I'd eat, anytime we'd celebrate, I'd eat and expect everyone else to do the same. We'd all eat in front of the t.v. Always centering food around the functions, ya know? I think I've even instilled that thought into my kids as well, which is so sad. They are supposed to learn good things from home, not the bad. But, before long - one by one, until my last baby graduated and moved out. Through the years I'd get fed up with my weight gain and go on a diet-- God knows there's so many different ones to choose from. Which one is best for me? Well, let's start with the grapefruit diet, then the Mayo diet, then the cabbage soup, Atkins, South Beach, Weight Watchers, Eat Right For Your Blood Type! You name it, I've bought the book, DVD's bought the materials, been there, done that got the t-shirt... FAILED! Sure, I'd lose some weight, sure I'd felt better about myself, feeling accomplished, then---little by little, my old habits would creep back in and I'd gain all the weight I had lost, plus some! Feeling so alone in this world. Hey- I've got a library of books and brochures, cooking utensils, cookbooks, gadgets, anything that promised weight loss, I was game for it. Weight Watchers is great in theory-- my problem is, when I restricted my intake, my stomach growled and grumbled and I would get grouchy! I would only last a few months and I was back off, only to find I failed at that as well... I did that through each change that Weight Watchers had to keep relevant. Pretty sad that I've learned all the right things to do, all the foods to avoid and how they affect my weight, but can't seem to get a grip on it fully to just LOSE THE WEIGHT.
It's very disconcerting to evaluate the second part of your life as an "empty nester" to acknowledge the fact that you're more than 130 pounds overweight! OVERWEIGHT!!! That's an entire extra person that I'm carrying around with me everyday! I've become a home body the last couple years. I feel I don't want to be social because of my weight gain. Don't get me wrong, I have fantastic friends who accept me for who I am, but being so overwieght I'm so self conscious. It's hard to sit there and not have them hear me heavy breathing, or sweating. While they talk about going biking and boating and and things I would like to have the strength to do again. I'm missing out on so much.. So, determined to not be a quitter- I chose to take on a new perspective, If I can't lose the weight by watching what I'm eating, I thought I'm going to get out and be more active... Easier said than done!,huh? It used to be so easy but now that I'm in my 40's, I wake up so stiff and sore from my joints aching. My hips are bothering me. Frequent visits to the chiropractor because my lower back is being overworked from carrying so much excess weight. I sit 8 hours a day in front of a computer Some days I plan my outfits around my slip on shoes, because it hurts to bend over to tie my tennies.. I'm so tired by the time I get home, the LAST thing I have energy for is to go for a walk! Uggh!!! Here I am now a 43 year old woman who is basically at a loss because I can't exercise, I can't jog and I want to walk and be outside but the weight is just not coming off... Too often I get these terrible migraines that just knock me down and it takes so much to come back from them. I'm so afraid to move wrong or too soon.. How will I ever get out of this viscious circle? I need help. I honestly believe that WLS is my last opportunity to be a normal person.. The person that's dying to come out from deep inside. I want my life back. I want to be able to be active and healthy and smile again.
I found ObesityHelp by a friend who's had WLS and told me to do some reserach on this website as it's been very helpful for them as well. It's answered many questions that I've had and truly offers a sign of hope for me to again lead a normal life. I'm just giddy over the thought that it's a possibility that I could lose weight and be healthy. I've done the research and found my surgery that makes the most sense to me but haven't spoken to a surgeon about it yet. Still looking but thought I should at least get my thoughts on paper. This past weekend I received a call from OH offering their help, and just waiting to hear back from them concerning the local surgeon and what types of surgery he performs. Not knowing what kind of costs are involved, tests, applications, I don't know completely, but I'm done messing around with the 5 and 10 pound temporary losses, and ready to make a permanent change that will last me my lifetime. I know this is only a tool, but it will be the best tool available, to work with my willpower.