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  • Books & Literature - I love to read... I'd read labels if I had nothing else to read!
  • Computers & Internet - By profession, I'm a technical training coordinator.
  • Music - I'm completely addicted to my iPod.
  • Photography - By passion, I'm a photographer (www.ambrosofamily.com)

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Comorbidities include: PCOS, Insulin resistance, chronic joint pain, foot pain, asthma, depression.
Journey to center, clarity...
peace, serneity...


First time ever
on January 4, 2008 1:16 pm
I think this is the first time in my life that I have ever contemplated GAINING weight before a doctor's appointment... some nagging voice is telling me that I might not be fat enough. 

Is there ever peace with this??
1 comment | Leave a comment.

Doctor's appointment 1: set
on January 3, 2008 3:10 pm
I have my PCP appointment a week from tomorrow. god help me.
1 comment | Leave a comment.

Big girls don't cry...
on January 2, 2008 12:14 pm
This really speaks to me right now... and it's a song I'm singing to myself, in honor of the journey that I'm about to take.

The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and Center, Clarity
Peace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and UNO cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and Center, Clarity
Peace, Serenity
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My Story

My whole life I have struggled with obesity. The only thing that has ever kept it under control was running... and much to my horror, I shattered my ankle in 1995, thus ending my running career. The weight slowly started to pack on, and by 2000 I was officially labeled as obese with PCOS/Insulin Resistance.

In 2002 I had my first child... a girl... and I gained 30 pounds with that pregnancy. I had severe gestational diabetes, and was on daily insulin injections.

I lost about 20 of those pounds in the first year after her birth, and on her first birthday, we found out that we were expecting our second child.

Through my son's pregnancy, I gained an additional 40 pounds, had even worse gest. diabetes, and ended up delivering a 10 pound baby. 

Despite doing Atkins and later, Weight Watchers, I have been unable to keep off any siginificant amount of weight, and in 2005, the bottom dropped out of my life- my then 14 month old son had a severe choking accident in daycare and nearly died. He spent 3 months in the ICU, and is now severely brain injured. True to form, I initially stopped eating (lost 25 pounds in those 3 months), and then turned to food for comfort.

Flash forward to 2007. I'm 5'1 and weigh 225-ish pounds. My BMI is >42. My hips hurt all of the time. I can sleep 15 hours a day and still be exhausted. My back hurts. My asthma is out of control. Due to too much estrogen, I'm developing polyps. I feel like I'm 100, and I'm only 33.

I have to do something, I feel like I'm dying. My kids deserve better. My husband deserves better. And most importantly, *I* deserve better.