The latest... on July 1, 2010 1:33 pm
Hi everyone and anyone who wants to read my blog,
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I have lost 55lbs since my surgery on Feb 23rd and I feel pretty good. I don't say great because we have found another health issue that needs to be dealt with. Last month (May), while at work, I started to get an incredible pain in my flank area. I checked in to the ER and was worked up for a kidney stone. The CT scan came back and I did not have a kidnet stone, but the next thing I know they want to admit me to the hospital and start working me up to rule out lymphoma, as my lymph nodes are growing. Specifically, 2 of them in my back area, close to my liver and pancreas. TO make a long story short, I don't have lymphoma, but I do have whats called Carcinoid Syndrome, or neuro-endocrine tumors and I have to have surgery...again, for the 3rd time. It's slow growing, has not invaded any other organs and is in scar tissue. They may have been there for along time, as they are starting to calicify, so we have to get them out. I think I can safely say now that Gastric Bypass has truly saved my life. While one does not have anything to do with the other, we would have never found this cancer, had I not had WLS.
On the plus side, I am down 55lbs, and people are calling me skinny. ME? Skinny? no way. I fit into a size 12 the other day, another goal that I have reached. Out of the teens sizes. No more 14teen, 16teen, 18teen. I'm all done shopping in the plus size. It is such a relief to be able to shop in a normal size dept, and to pull anything off the rack and have it fit. Even my feet are thinner. My danskos that I wear to work have become too big. This is all so surreal and bizarre. I have a great tan because I think I am exposing more flesh than ever before. People tell me I look so healthy. My legs are so skinny and my arms too. I still have all this skin to work on, but these tumors release these weird compounds that make me really tired and feel sick. So I have good days and bad days. Some days I have lots of energy and feel great, other days I am exhausted and nauseous and can't eat a thing.
I am feeling really happy about the way I look. My husband has lost almost 40lbs and goes to the gym every day but Sunday. He has really taken this healthy kick and is committed to a healthier lifestyle and getting in shape. He is starting to look pretty hot. And I must say, even sex feels different. Not so much fat to get in the way and keep me from moving around. It's all really weird.
I will keep you posted on when this next surgery is going to happen. It's a pretty major abdominal surgery and I will be in the hospital for about a week. Not looking forward to it, but whatever we have to do to save my life is ok with me.
I hope everyone is doing well and feeling good and having a great summer so far.
10 weeks out on April 27, 2010 11:50 am
Today I am 10 weeks out and have lost 37 lbs.(by my scale at home. I think at the doctors office we have different numbers going on). I saw my surgeon last night at work, as he was on Trauma call and we were super busy. We chatted for a minute (I don't want him to think I am using him as a quick office visit while we are both working) and he asked how much weight I have lost and when exactly was the surgery. He said I was doing well and was losing weight at a really good pace. Not too much too soon. I have to get my first lab work done this week and I see him again next Monday. I feel good about where I am at right now. People are really starting to notice the difference and am getting alot of compliments, which I don't take offense to. I am enjoying being noticed for something other than being the loud fat girl. That's ok. I think I have my head wrapped around the lifestyle change, using food as survival and not a crutch. I have had alot of days where I am really hungry and just can't eat. Nothing tastes good and is satisfying. I hope this is a phase. I know I HAVE to eat. Fruit stays down ok. Food feels like it is getting stuck again. and that makes me feel sick. Than my appetite is gone. I have to start drinking more protein shakes again. But everytime I do that I also feel sick. I guess when I see the surgeon on MOnday we can discuss. Maybe I should call the nutritionist too.
Anyway, I have almost no clothes that fit. All my skinny clothes that I kept for some bizarre reason are all too big, I have one pair of shorts that soon will be too big, a few pairs of pants. All my sweatpants and sweatshirts that I used to hide in are all too big. My scrubs are getting too big with each and every day. I am 9 lbs away from Onederland. I haven't been under 200lbs in over 20 years. The last time I was under 200lbs was back in 1990 when I was deathly ill with the measles. When I finally got out of the hospital and was n the mend, I remember weighing 189. But the things I notice now is that my skin isn't as young as it used to be. I know I need to exercise more and get this skin to tighten up, but I HATE to exercise, so it has been a struggle. I will get there in my own time. The skin isn't anything that I would need plastic surgery for, just working out and lifting weights, but all the same, it's exercise. Ugh. I am fortunate that I work with physicians and nurses because if I have a problem or need advice, everyone has been so helpful in discussing the surgery with me. People were hesitanas first, like I just found out I had a terminal illness or something. But I think once people know that I don't have a problem talking about the surgery, it makes them feel more at ease. Also, alot of my coworkers have lost weight as well, so it's almost as if we are all in this together. I work with a group who are all fairly health conscious, so the enviroment that I am in is a positive one. My husband is on board, going to the gym every day, trying out different nutritional guidelines, as he was very frustrated at one point because his hard work was not reflecting on the scale. Put him in a very bad mood for a few days and I felt guilty for my loss and couldn't talk to him about it. BUt he got out of that funk and is trying the Zone diet and is determined to get fit by his 50th birthday in August. We have even changed the way my daughter eats. We don't really have carbs in our house. She eats whole grain bread, whole wheat pasta if she wants pasta, which is rare now. She eats my fish, lean chicken, lots of fruit and is starting to eat more veggies. I am very happy for the way things have changed in my household. My husband and I were on our way to all sorts of health problems, and my daughter was already pre-disposed to obesity by way of genetics. She is 4 1/2, almost 4 feet tall and weighs almost 60 lbs. She is not obese of fat by any means, but she tall and solid. And if we kept going the way we were with her, she was most surely on her way to becoming obese, and I don't want that for her. I dont' want her to go through what I went through my entire life. Kids can be so cruel, and that can really mold and shape a person into who they will become.
Anyway, just wanted to jot down a few things, since I haven't blogged in awhile. I am now trying to learn and study how our body works and how it processed and breaks down different foods, and it's a process for sure. I don't want to fail at this, and I want to be healthy for as long as I am alive.
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back to work on April 12, 2010 12:43 pm
It's been 6 weeks now, almost 7 and I am back at work. I have missed it and was glad to be back. The first night I was exhausted by 10pm but the next night I was fine. I went to my first support group meeting since the surgery. 15 days out I had to have a 2nd surgery for an intestinal obstruction, so I was a bit frustrated at that. I felt like I had to start all over again and that first 2 weeks were for nothing. At that point I really was questioning whether I did the right thing or not. But now that I am feeling better, I know I did the right thing. I am down 32lbs and I can really see the differences already.
My first wow moment came last week when my daughter and I were out shopping. I bought her some new things and wanted to try on some smaller sizes for S&G's. I was still trying on clothes in the plus-size depts because I have no idea what size I am in the regular misses depts. The 16's fit and were comfortable, but were just that much too loose and I refuse to spend 30 or more on jeans that I cannot wear in a month. So we went to Target (my favorite store) and I was finally able to try and on and buy a pair of size 16 pants off the rack in the misses section, not in the plus-size section. What a great day that was. I have cleaned out my closet twice, and am able to wear some of the skinny clothes that I kept from some years ago. (good thing). I have been to the thrift stores but just to buy scrub pants for work.
I am able to eat some foods now without feeling naseous, but having BM's are still a challenge. When I do go, they are huge and painful, and when stuff is moving around inside, oh man, that is super-painful. I hope and pray that will go away.
Anywya, just an short update before I have to shower and pick up the little one from pre-school.
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already started a blog on February 20, 2010 2:20 pm
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I actually started a blog on another website before I joined this one, on Xanga.com. However, because I made it public on my FB page, and said some things that offended some people that I know (long story, stepmom related), I may just blog here instead of there. Or at least feel free to speak my mind here and just make some general comments on the other blog. I'm sure that, like myself, some of you wanted to start a blog to journalize this step in our lives. I wanted to put all this down somewhere, so that my daughter can read this one day. I also wanted to record this experience because, as well as know, fat and overweight people are treated differently than thin people, and it's sort of a personal experiment of mine to document that. Some of this may not make sense right now, but in my head, it makes perfect sense. I am so tired of this country, and the world for that matter, only classifying thin and skinny people as having eating disorders, i.e. anorexia and bulemia. WHile thos people have food issues and body image issues, so do overweight people and why are we not classified as having "eating disorders"? Health insurance will pay for medical treatment for anorexia and bulemia, but not morbid obesity? Unless you have a heart condition, diabetes, high blood pressure? You all know where I am heading with this. We have to pay more for our clothing, have to buy an extra airline seat. We as overweight people are being ripped off financially. Maybe I am just ranting, but I have had these opinions for many years.
ANyway, just my rant for today. I weigh 247 as of yesterday, and I am 5'9" tall. WHile that may not be overweight for alot of people, and I have so many people telling me that I don't need this surgery, they don't have to live in my body. They haven't been overweight for their whole life, been shunned and discriminated against, not asked to dance or for a date, used for easy sex because the fat girl will say yes, been turned down for a job because they weren't hot enough, etc. I went to bartending school while I lived in Vegas, to try something different outside of my comfort level in the medical field, and I am a great bartender. I am social, fun, funny, love talking to people and make great drinks. But stupid me, couldn't get a job in Vegas and couldn't figure out why. Then it hit me and I felt like a complete idiot. I wasn't blond, didn't have a size 3 waistline and big boobs, and wasn't 24 years old. When we moved back to California, I did get a bartending job, actually a few of them and just chalked it up to my sparkling personality, but deep down I knew that I would never get the "prime" bartending shift, or work in a club at night. Not that I wanted to at this age, and bartending was more of a hobby for me than anything else, but the realization remained the same. You aren't young anymore, you are fat, and having the most sparkling personality and being the nicest person you can be is not going to change that fact.
Anyway, enough of that. I have to start getting ready for work now. I only have 2 more days of work left, then my surgery is Tues Feb 23rd.
I am really enjoying this site and have absorbed a wealth of information. I have been ripped a "whole new one" for a post I made the other day, but it seems as if all has been forgiven (I hope) and I look forward to my recovery and sharing it will all of you. I hope that one day I can return the favor of good advice to new patients who will just be starting out like I am now. Thank you to all of wonderful folks that have shown support and God bless all of you.
I will return shortly. Feel free to email me here, share a post, friend me or find me on Facebook. I am under email@example.com. That is also an email address as well. It's one thing to have family and friends support me in this journey, but it's a whole 'nother thing to have support from people who have gone through the same thing.