190

Okay so 3 more lbs...  it's POSSIBLE.  In 9 days.  I've just really got to be careful. 

Last night I wasn't so careful.  I was up too late.  Your body  has to sleep to process fat, I KNOW that....just went out with a totally awesome guy and we talked (yes just talked) most of the night.

Very strange how it all happened, but he hikes and fishes and camps and bikes and swims and jogs and....

works downstairs and is as techy as I am????

Wow.

That's hawt. 

and he's certified in vmware and other random things....

And he's really cute.

Crazy. 

So was up until 4am talking with him last night...and we have another date Wednesday. 

Also...well last night just on a whim I told him I had vacation days for the 3rd/4th of april (for my surgeversary) and I asked him if he'd spend the days with me...so we're going to do SOMETHING... we'll see.

We're dancing around the physical stuff.  He did tell me I was the thinnest girl he's dated...huh?  me thin? *laugh*

He also said my pictures don't do me justice.  *laugh* what a sweet thing to say.

Only one date so don't want to go too fast but...think we might have something here.

191.5

Okay made it to pilates yesterday.  I did a bit of cardio before class on the elliptical but not enough to really count.  I should have had time to jog before the class but forgot my shoes and then sat down and started talking to F.

Well F is seeing someone else now *rolls her eyes* that doesn't mean anything really cuz he dates a girl a few times and then freaks out.  I know how he operates.  That's why he's never dated anyone over a month.

Im trying to figure out why I'm so attracted to him...physically I guess.  I'm not 'in love with him' and emotion wise I really just enjoy his company.  I WOULD date him though.  Why?  Well because the sex with him is fantastic.  We just click like that, and I think he could use the help trying to learn how to have a real relationship.  But I can't see it being a 'forever' thing with him, I don't FEEL that for him.  Never did...  Even at the beginning.  He was just the first person who ever saw me, thought i was cute and asked me out...just 'in person'.  Still the only person like that.  Everyone else I've met online.

I can't 100% discount that though, because I've met people online that I've gotten together with for lunch or whatever and they were attracted to me once they met me.  It's still a work in progress for me in terms of how I relate to guys I 'date'. 

So lets see, I haven't really kept any of you 'up to date' on my boycraziness lately eh? *laugh*

Okay, guy from work 'K' asked me out to lunch.  I thought we were just meeting as friends, but when I got back he messaged me and told me had trouble not staring at me and asked me out Friday night.  We went out for coffee to the most coolest coffee place ever (yeah grammar didnt work there but got the point across).  I really like that place.  So he is a gamer guy...we came back and messed around some.  I don't know what gets into guys but he really wanted to go down on me... *cough* so um, yeah I let him *laugh* 

It's funny...but since this is my diary and all I'm going to put this here.... I'll NEVER forget the first time that F went down on me.  I'd never really had anyone do that before.  None of my previous boyfriends had been into doing it all.  I had done it with Michael (my sons father) but he'd only done it just a bit, enough to say we did it (we did 69 for the purity point) for just like a second.  Okay so....I told B that I wanted that, he said well you should have told me.  Well....so I thought I guess it can't hurt to ask.  So next time I was with F I just asked him...baby will you go down on me?  He gave me this look...and it was just so damned sexy...like looking into my eyes and then he smiled at me with his sexy ass lips (yeah his face is just hot to me) and said yeah...then spent the next 30 minutes rocking my world with his tongue.  OMG was it nice.  I just really want to remember that night always.  I'm sure it would be even more special if it was with someone I cared about and loved, but really being friends with him I felt close to him and we'd been having sex every day for 2 weeks at that point so...felt comfortable with him.  Was great.

Anyways, with K he went down on me but wasn't like 'that', was okay though. 

Okay so lets see, two other guys I've had 'first dates' with this past week.  One I went out to lunch with on tuesday, his name is Freddie (not to be confused with the prevous F which was fernando).  He's messaged me a few times but haven't heard back from him much.  We'll see.  He's pretty cute. 

Then went out to dinner wednesday night with a "j" :)  that was amazingly fun.  He gave me a very nice kiss goodnight at my door :) 

Anyways... I think I'd really like to date J and see what happens between him...  K *shrug* not that into him and he's seeing other people anyways and I don't need that drama (ie, he has someone he considers a girlfriend but they have an OPEN relationship.  Not my cup of tea).  The new F...he's cool too.  I'll see if either of them call me back eh?

I seem to be off my carb cycle finally.  I've been eating what I should the last week or so, maybe that's why I've lost some weight finally eh?

Next goal: 187 so I can be at 200 lbs lost.  After then goal is 174.  Final goal is 160.  I may not be able to get to that without plastics but we'll see.

192.5

Yeah still at same weight but that means it wasnt a fluke right :)

Okay so had a normal first date last night...went out to dinner, split the check...talked for awhile, he gave me a hug and then a soft closed lipped kiss... 

I smiled at him then gave him a real kiss...cuz Im just like that I guess.

Anyways, actually really liked him.

Very cool.  We'll see if he calls again eh.

In other news I woke up at 3:30 am with leg cramps cuz I need to stretch.  Haven't jogged in a week cuz I was sick.

I feel so lonely :(

Sometimes I just wish there was someone who really cared about me...

dumb, I know.

I guess I thought if I lost weight I'd be more...worthy of having someone care about me. 

Dunno what's wrong with me :(

192.5

Broke my stall :)  Finally.  Better late then never. 

Got a new heart rate monitor last night!