Well what can i say?  a year already. It seems impossible that a year has gone by so quickly..and yet..of course. It has.

The last few weeks have wreaked havoc on my usual routine and eating habits. I spent 2 weeks in england and scrounged to get fruits and vegetables in as well as enough protein, although it seemed (from my conversions from stones to pounds on their scale) that i was still losing, and then jet lag and that time of the month came right after. I've not been sleeping enough and am just now getting back into making sure i'm taking in everything i'm supposed to. So according to the scale i gained a few back of the pounds i thought i'd lost. But who knows. perhaps more sleep and more protein and water will help that. I know it sounds silly to you but if you don't sleep you won't lose weight. The scale never moves for me when i've been depriving my body of the sleep it needs.  And my body is much more sensitive to lack of sleep now than it was pre-surgery that's for sure.

So i'm not at my goal or the surgeons goal, although my appointment isn't till the end of the month i can't see me losing 20lbs by then, but in perspective i've lost 127lbs. 127 lbs!! that's a healthy adult person. And my weight loss journey isn't over. I've made a new commitment to exercising, and am determined to keep a schedule. My body needs it, i need it. And my bank account is saying i'm an idiot paying for something i'm not using.

So let's reflect on a year of changes. Firstly my recent experience flying was MUCH more comfortable than it's ever been. Not only was i not squished into the seat but i also didn't have to worry about doing up the seatbelt. Actually fitting into any seat is much less of a worry now.  Although i still quite often have that anxiety of whether or not i'm going to be able to fit into places and find myself doing those manouvers you learn as a larger person to try and make sure you don't get stuck going between narrow spaces and turnstyles and things like that. The mind takes so much longer to adjust to these changes than you'd think it would be. What ISN'T hard to adjust to is shopping. Every time i go out i discover a new store that i would never have thought i could go into and manage to find something to wear.  As i'm still in a 16, and some places run a bit smaller than others it's hit and miss on pants and jeans, being a little smaller up top, pulling an XL top off the rack is usually guaranteed to fit.  I never thought i'd be wearing anything a size 16, or XL or not have to shop in plus sizes. When i started i was wearing a 24/26 and 3/4X top. I remember wishing i was a size 18 in highschool, thinking, if i was that size i would be happy, and now i'm in a 16, and seeing that i could be even a size or two smaller when i reach my goal and i'm amazed. When i started this journey i still thought, if i got down to a size 14, it'd be a miracle..

THe mind part is still the hardest. For any of you that read this that haven't had surgery or are at the beginning. Dealing with self esteem and body image issues has been a struggle for me before and still is. I still have to cope with the warped way i view myself and am still trying to find ways to deal with that.

I hope i continue to make good choices and take care of myself and use this tool to it's best advantage. I'll keep updating every month utnil i get to the place i want to be. See you next month! 

So, this post is a weekish late.. 11 months..

I won't be able to update my weekly weigh in because.. i'm in England and i don't even think they own a scale here. We'll see what happens with my weight over the next couple weeks. I'm not exactly eating properly..it seems like they're constantly eating, i don't mean that in a bad way, but their meal times are different, and they unfortunately are always giving me huge portions (for me) and i feel bad dumping a lot of the food out..

Anyway. So 11 months out and down..wait..let me do the math in my head.. 125ish lbs?  I think that's right.. Feeling pretty good, well, i mean..right now i'm kind of tired. i brought a cold over to england with me and i've been kinda dragging since i got here but other than jet lag, i've been good. I still have to look at pictures of myself to really realize the difference. When i see pictures from before the surgery and pictures now..it's like a completely different person. I always get embaressed when other people say it, because i don't really think it's true, and then i see pictures and i think..it is.. but i still have to have that visual image in front of me, otherwise i can't really absorb the difference.

Anyway, must get on with my vacationing.

Till next month! My one year!

So. It's my 10 month surgiversary.

The last month didn't really add up to much of a loss, of course it's "that time" of the month for me right now too.. I'm pretty much fully into a size 16. Very weird to see and say. Considering 10 months ago i was looking at a size 26. 

Weird observations. My fingers look longer.  Certainly my ring size has dropped considerably. i tried on a size 7 ring on the weekend.  I was always looking for 9 and 10's before.  I have prominent shoulder blades. At least, for me they're prominent, when i'm not slouching.  My wrist bones stick out too.  My body is exactly the same smaller as it was larger, it's just smaller..does that make sense? They gym sirens are calling me, my body won't change until i start working out, it'll just be a smaller kind of rolly polly. My boobs are def smaller. I'm down a cup size from when i started. I was never big, so it doesn't bother me that much, but it's a shame they couldn't just stay the way they were.

Pictures won't be up till tomorrow. See ya'll next month.

Nine months.

I can't believe it's been nine months.

Well things have been pretty smooth, still not on that exercise band wagon. It does bother me that i'm not going, especially since i'm paying for it, but i mean, i know i should go and it would help me.

i've been putting more effort into making my meals different and enjoyable. Experimenting with recipes to jazz up the tedious task of ingesting as much protein laden food as possible. And it's been working. I've rediscovered a certain joy of cooking, and i def have to have things done ahead of time. I find if there isn't something pre-planned or pre-made i just don't get what i'm supposed to.  I may not be eating bad things, but def not getting in much protein. So it's taking more time.

I am taunted by the carb monster, although i can't handle breads, even chips, tend to be greasy and not very appealing although i have cravings for salt. I find saltines are my usual go to for a salty crunchy snack.

I dont' have much else to say at the moment but i'm slowly but surely looking forward to the day when the scale starts with a 1 instead of a 2

Well, 8 months. 

I'm a month behind now in my "grand scheme." 105lbs down. Someone asked me today how much more weight i wanted to lose, and i said probably another 40lbs, although, i think i would like to be lower weight wise even than that, and she looked me over and said she didn't think i had enough on me to lose 40lbs, maybe 20.  It's just the way it looks on me, i guess i carry it ok.  The gym, my enemy, i'm not going yet. surprise. I hate the thought of working all day and then making the effort to go to the gym after work for an hour or two. I don't get everything i should done as it is, granted i'm not very good at keeping schedules, as my friends will attest to. 

A former co-workers daughter called me yesterday at work to ask me about my surgery and information. She was considering it herself. I'm not sure how long i talked to her, i hope i gave her some good information, and helped her a bit. 

I've been reading a book called Father Hunger, about the realtionship between fathers,daughters, and food. It's pretty interesting. She pretty much pegs right on the reasons i've treated myself the way i have and think the way i do, which wasn't a big revelation for me, i sort of knew it already, it's the getting over it part that i'm stuck on.  Actually the author did raise some interesting points that i hadn't thought about before, but anyway, i'm not done with it, but i'd recommend it.

Other than that, i can't say there's anything new to report. Food isn't an issue, i'm still as picky as ever, and still end up throwing out food, although not as much as before, i'm getting better at that. only buying small amounts, which usually means shopping a couple times a week so that i'm not buying more than i need and watching stuff spoil.  I've noticed my bum isn't nearly as comfortable as it used to be. Since when? Another reason to exercise, build up something to sit on..

Anyway, before i induce boredom, i shall say goodbye and see you next month!