My weight has been inching down in the last two months or so. Tuesday is the day I had surgery and it is the day I record my weight. I say record, because I get a little carried away and obesessed and step on the scale at least once a day. This week I lost a lot of weight 6 pounds. What 6 pounds????!!!!! Anyway, I don't expect to lose like that every week, but I hope I can maintain a loss every week. This process seemed like it was taking forever, but I cannot even wrap my head around the fact that I only have to lose 27 pounds to reach my goal weight. Although a lot of good things have happened (BMI is overweight, removed from all meds (sans vitamins), and have 27 pounds to goal which sounds great compared to 180 pounds) but, I have been feeling really sick. I cannot exercise and I get lightheaded and feel like I am going to pass out all the time. I get weak in my legs and my left hand and arm goes numb. I cannot figure it out. I have been going to the doctor and she assumed it was my BP, which I thought at first it was. I am 7 days off of meds and I check my BP daily and it is normal. Which means it is logical to conclude it was low before. However, after 7 days I should be feeling much better. I am now believing that my sugar is low my mother took my sugar 45 mins after eating and it was 85. Which is fairly low for having eatin. I also believe that it is low potassium. This is discouraging because I have had success in eating low carbs, but it now appears that I will have to increase my carbs. Today I added a few more carbs (which raised my calories a little) and I will see how I feel and how it affects my weight and how I feel.

Since I have gone back to work I can slowly see my life spiraling out of control again. I work six days a week and I go to college online full-time and I have 3 small children ages 2, 7 and 9. I took as much time as I could from work after the surgery which was 9 weeks (most of which was FMLA and I was not paid), but I cherised that time at home because I was able to just concentrate on me and doing the right things for this huge lifestyle change. Now that I have gone back to work I stress about everything and my hunger has returned. Obviously, this must be head hunger that is triggered by the stress. Also, when I was home I watched a lot of sleeve VLogs on You Tube and was constantly on OH for motivation. I mostly post once a month now with my results and that is it. I think I need to carve out some time for myself to start watching the Vlogs again and logging on to OH. I learn so much from the Vets and even more from the Newbies. I am still a Newbie I guess at four months out, but I mean the pre-op people. Their struggles were my struggles, their concerns and worries were mine to, their desire to get well and get healthy and yes fit into a size ten or twelve pants damnit were once my thoughts and ideas. Best of all I love, respect and admire their hope, positivity and determination regarding the sleeve. I need to get back to that. I once said I am only in this to get healthy and to stop taking all of the medication I needed to take if I want to stay alive. I was not concerned about my outward appearance but, my inward health. Does losing the weight make us more vain? Because suddenly my priorities have gotten twisted and all I think about is the appearance and the saddness I feel because of the loose skin and continued struggle with the battle of the buldge. I need a good swift kick in the ass so I can go back to that hopeful pre-op girl who just wanted her health and life back. So bring it on people, kick my ass, I will love ya for it :)

Last week I wrote a blog that I was oh so close of reaching my second weight loss goal of getting under 250 pounds. I get weighed every tuesday (since my surgery was on a tuesday) and at 6:45AM  today I weighed 246 pounds!!!!! Yeah, I am so excited and happy. I still have a very long way to go but, hitting another goal feels great. Last week I was so close and this week I blew right passed it. My mobility is improving so much, I can cross my legs again and I don't have to go up and down steps one step at a time like an 80 year old anymore. But, I am still super tired and have trouble getting rest at night because I get constant charlie horses in my calves (luckily short lived ones). I really have no energy which sucks. I just figure when I was 330lbs I was tired all the time to, so this is just something I have to deal with right now.

I made four weight loss goals for myself:

1) Get under 300 lbs
2) Get under 250 lbs
3) Get under 200 lbs
4) Reach goal of 150 lbs.

I have reached the first goal and I was so pleased.  I am so close to the second goal of being under 250 lbs that I can taste it. I need to lose 1.5 lbs to get to 249.9 lbs and get me to that goal. I really hope I can reach this goal next week. I am going to work really hard and I am going to keep my fingers crossed. I am also in love with the fact that I ate take-out very often this week and still lost 4.4lbs. This is the most weight I have lost in one week since the first two weeks after the surgery. I have steadily lost 1-2.5lbs a week since then. My take-out was on plan however. Mussels in red and white sauces (I was worried because I was able to eat quite alot of them in one sitting) and from the diet menu at my local Chinese resturant. I ordered steamed broccoli -w- scallops and steamed zucchini and chicken which did have an oyster, scallion and wine sauce.  I was thinking of eating some brown rice but, decided I am not doing any grains for now.  There is enough carbs in my veggies and I am not going to risk eating the rice yet. I am worried because I truly believe I can eat more food than most people can that are 1 to 3 years out and I am only 10 weeks out. It worries me but, I am not going to sweat it. I still cannot eat nearly as much as I used to. The results speak for themselves. I have lost a total of 78 lbs . 42lbs  have been lost since the surgery in the last 10 weeks. I am happy with that. What could I possibly have to complain about?

I was shocked really by all of the positivity I received from my surgeon and his Bariatric team. I don't remember the last time I received so much kudos and compliments in a day. They all told me I am doing really well and they believe if I keep my current state of mind and continue to follow the program I will be one of the success stories. I did not believe that I was a person that needed to be validated. However, it felt wonderful and it made me believe even more in my success. I immediately called my mother and hubby to let them know what was said because I was so proud.