ObesityHelp

I lost the weight I gained in December. Got on the scale this morning 240.6 woohoo!!!!!!!  Also when I changed my ticker at the bottom of my profile I'M AT THE HALF WAY MARK!!!!!!

Checking in:
I'm starting to worry just a bit about stretching my pouch.  I've been eating until I feel full and then beyond then I hurt and I cough a lot.  I just don't know how to stop when somthing tastes so good.  I'm a foodie I love the texture, taste and feeling food gives me.  I don't know why I push it beyond the point when I feel full I know better.  Since I have a lunch thing at work today and then tomorrow I'm going to a retirement party for one of the girls at work, I think this weekend I might just do protein shakes and see if I can shrink things back down or just remind myself of what I'm doing.  I don't want to undo what I've done.  I need a reality check that I can do damage to my pouch and band if I'm not careful.

I'm starting to think that maybe on some level I"m afraid to get thin.  I've been going up and down the scale with the same 5lbs for a while.  I know I'm not eating right and I'll do so good all day long but then I get home after work and its a free for all and its all band friendly foods so there is no restriction to be had due to the types of foods I choose.  

Is it just possible that on some level in my mind that I'm no aware of that I'm afraid to lose my shield of all these years.  Some days I'm happy with the way I look and other days I hate the way I look and see that old super obese person.  My mind and my mirrors are playing tricks with me.

I may even need to go back for another fill because I'm able to eat more than a cup of food when I sit down to meals that are "real" foods.

I'll wait until my move into my house is complete and then maybe with the stress of all that I will get back on track.  I'll have to wait and see.

Ok - so its back to basics.  I did get on the scale this morning to see what damage I had done durning December and I'm up to 247.2.  And early on in December I had made it down to 242.8.  So I have a little work to do to get back down.  But its no big deal as long as it does not become a tread.  I'm still in a much better place than I was last year this time.  In a few weeks will be the anniversary of the very start of my Journey.  I went to my first seminar in January of last year.  I would love to loose about 37 lbs by March 30 my banniversary.  That would be 100lbs gone.  But I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't make it to the 100 becuase any loss is success.

I can truly say that I am not the same person I was last year at this time.  I'm more outgoing. I feel more positive about life.  I don't hurt as much when I walk around.  I know its not all due to the band but I know alot of it is and my hard work. But I have also done alot of work in my talk therapy which has helped me see things in a better light.  If someone had told me last year that this is where my life would be now I would not have believed them.

I'm a smaller person, I'm a more positive person, I've made lots of new friends, I now have a permanent full time job, I'm a home owner - I really feel good about life.  I owe it to myself first and foremost that I am here but I couldn't have come all this way without the help of my lap band and the wonderfully supportive people around me. (and those people include those of you that read my blog and give me encouragment)  Thank you and Happy New Year!