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Surgeon TestimonialAviv Ben-Meir, M.D.My first impression of Dr. Ben Meir was that he is down to earth and quiet and yet very confident in what he does. He struck me as being laid back and yet right on top of his game when it came to the surgery. He has an amazing track record and I was very impressed. rnThe office staff is amazing. They are all so friendly and full of help and smiles!!rnI am so excited and feel very comfortable with my choice.
- Crafts - I love Americana crafts!
- Musical Performance - I am a musician and enjoy singing and playing the piano!
- Movies - I love snuggling up with my husband and kids and watching movies!
- Scrapbooks - I love to scrapbook!!!
- Christianity - I am a Christian and am very involved in ministry in our local church
- WLS in your 20's - I am taking my life back at 28! :)
new blog on May 5, 2007 12:37 pm
I'll be doing periodic updates here but my real blog is at http://workingongfreedom.blogspot.com/
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19 days post op on May 5, 2007 6:19 am
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19 days post-op
Ok so I woke up this a.m. and I "felt" smaller so I *had* to weigh. lol
I was down 2 more lbs. which puts me down 21 lbs! YAY! I was hoping I'd hit 20 lbs gone soon!!
I went to GNC last night to find some protein that didn't make me gag. I started off with a chocolate protein powder from my aunts vitamin shop. It was ok, but after a week I couldn't drink it anymore. Next, I grabbed some vanilla protein powder from Walmart which tasted just like Slim Fast. I wasn't complaining. It didn't taste horrible and I could get it down, until yesteday a.m. I don't know what happened, but I mixed up my 8 oz. shake and took one sip and almost lost it. I couldn't even smell it without my gag reflex kicking in. Weird! But I hear it's normal. So I found myself at GNC last night spending $55 on Isopure. It is protein powders that mix into a juice like drink instead of a shake. I need a break from the shakes. Plus it's 25g protein for only 6 oz which is nice! It tastes like fruit juice and with ice is pretty good. There is slight, odd aftertaste but so far I'm tolerating it.
So anyway, walking into GNC...I felt weird. The whole time I was in there I could "hear" people saying, "What is the fat girl doing in there?"..... Then the two guys that were working were the rudest people. The first one came around the side of the aisle and asked me what I needed. He was a shorter guy, but his chest and arms were huge. I see his ripped muscles through his shirt, bulging. His co-worker was just as buff. I felt like an idiot. He asked me what I needed and I told him Protein Powder and then added, "I just had gastric bypass." My whole face was burning. Humiliation.
I know I could've lied about it, but obviously I'm not an athlete or a body builder and I didn't want to hear some comment about how protein powders aren't for weight loss or whatever so I just blurted it out. ugh.
He showed me a couple things and that was that. While I standing there looking at the different flavors a little boy came in. The arcade game outside the store had taken his money and he came and told Mr. Muscle, who very rudely replied, "That sucks for you." Mr. Muscle the Second, laughed. They told the little boy to find a security gaurd. "The one who looks like a cop, but is too fat to be one"..... Then after the boy left they laughed about how rude they were.
I just wanted to get out of there asap. I made the purchase and walked out, knowing that as soon as I left the store I'd be the next joke. "Did you see the fat girl buying protein?" Hardy har har.
It's ok though. This girl won't be fat for long, and every month that I go there and buy my protein they will see me shrink. We'll see who has the last laugh.
16 days post op- on May 5, 2007 6:14 am
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So I am trying to talk myself into staying off of the scale until Monday. I started TOM yesterday and it was horrible. I was cramping so bad and bloated and had no appetite. I was still the same on the scale yesterday and then up a lb. today. That is going to start frustrating me so I'm wondering if I should just stay off until Monday. I really, really wish I had the strength to do it. I know that there is no way I'm gaining weight, eating 500 calories a day but, if you've read my journal very long then you know what a scale addict I am.
So... what to do.. what to do.... Right now I'm keeping it in the kitchen and everytime I walk through I am tempted to step on it. Maybe I should put it up in the closet at least... that way it won't be sitting right there in my face.
Let's see... Oh, on the food front. I don't want to eat. Nothing sounds good. Nothing tastes good. It's a whole lotta work for a tiny amount of food. Planning, cooking, blending, mashing, straining, re-heating, etc. I'll be glad when that part is over. Again I stress... there is nothing easy about all this.
OK so now I need to decide what kind of exercise I'm going to do once I'm cleared. Right now I'm just walking and need to do more of it (if it would ever stop raining....) but I want to do more. I thought about joining Curves again... Honestly I wish we were closer to the YMCA. The last town we lived in had a rec center/YMCA and it was awesome. It was only 5 mins away, had babysitting and a huge workout room. My choices here are Curves or home DVD's. I really want a tredmil for the house too, but I don't see that happening very soon either. I guess I'll just have to make due with what I have available to me. I'll probably end up at Curves more than likely.
DJ and I have talked about turning a portion of the basement into a workout room and the other side a family room. I can't wait til we can do that. That would be ideal with the kids being young.
I ordered 12 pairs of flip flops yesterday. lol I was sitting here thinking about how awesome it will be when I can shop for clothes and enjoy it.
I look at some of the other post-ops at OH ... the ones who have lost 150 lbs... 160 lbs... and I wonder if I can really do that. I'm only 5 ft. 1 in. and could totally be fine at 120 lbs. I really wish I could get there, but then I hear people voices in my head,
"You'll always be pudgy."
"You're going to look weird when you're skinny."
"You'll never be as small as me."
Yes, people have actually said those things to me in the last month. I had a another person tell me, "Well I better start losing weight b/c you can't be skinnier than me!"
I mean seriously. What is wrong with people?? At any rate, now I'm wondering if I can actually reach 130, let alone 120. Maybe I'll end up at 150? I just don't know and right now all of those numbers seem out of reach. I look at some of those people though who go from 235 lbs to 110 in 9 months. It is amazing to me. I don't know how they do it.
Here I sit though, and I have the same tool as them and yet I wonder if it will work for me. Will I be the one who the surgery doesn't work for? Will my body fight me for every pound? I just don't know. Once again I'm facing the unknown.
Next my mind wonders to how I'll look. Will I have a ton of extra skin? I really do not want to face another surgery. I can't imagine the pain of a tummy tuck. The scars I've seen of people who have had them are terrible too. I just dont' think I could do that. But I guess that is the voice of a person who is still in recovery from surgery number 1. lol
Only time will tell I suppose.
This is the journey of a lifetime!
2 weeks post op on April 30, 2007 10:57 am
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Two weeks have passed. I am down 18 lbs.
Let's see. Where am I today? On the physical side, I'm doing very well. My incisions are all closed and only one still has the tiniest little scab on it. The drain site is all healed with a tiny scab right in the center. I don't have any pain anywhere, just maybe a tiny bit of tenderness still right where each incision is. I do notice I get pain under my ribs a lot. Some of it is gas, but I also think some of it is pain from those muscules being tensed up for the last weeks. I noticed my whole body was tense and rigid while I was healing. You don't even notice you're doing it, until you start feeling better and relaxing. I think I spent the last 2 weeks with my stomach muscles, neck and back muscules all tensed up.. bracing myself. On the inside, things are healing well too. I've not had any pain when I eat or drink and everything I've tried so far has gone down nicely.
Last night I had to take Hannah to the ER b/c she had a 103.5 temp and I could not get it broken after 5 hrs and giving her Tylenol and Motrin. When we got home I was so ready for bed but had to take my Urso (the pill that will help me to keep my gall bladder). It has to be crushed and I put it in a little applesauce. Well, I was sleepy and just wanted to lay down so I (too) quickly, crushed it, dumped some applesauce in a bowl, stirred it up and took 3 bites WAY TOO FAST! I didn't throw up but it was weirded feeling ever. That applesauce literally sat in the my throat until my pouch emptied enough for it to go down.
Now I've heard of ppl having these experiences and couldn't ever understand how that must really feel. Well, now I'm in the club. lol And let me tell you, it is weird. It didn't hurt or anything, but just was odd. After a few mins. it all filtered through and I was fine. As time passes and the scars heal it is easy to forget what my new insides look like, but after moments like that, I am reminded that the surgery really did happen, and that I will never be able to eat like I used to ever again. (Thank God).
On the mental front.... I have decided that this surgery is 90% mental. Head hunger will get you if you aren't careful. I had a few moments this weekend where I really wanted to eat. Just fix a meal and eat it. Sunday was hard. We have gone out to Sunday dinner almost every Sunday since we got married. Church, then lunch out. It's what we do. Well, it's what we DID. In the long run this is better for all of us. We will save money and eat healthier but it is an adjustment for all of us. The kids didnt' complain and DJ didn't either. You know, as I write this... I wonder if all of our eating out, all of our focus on food.... if all of that came from me. Maybe it was just a thing for me since food has been such a focus in my life.
Abby said something funny. Her preschool teachers knew I was having surgery and it was driving them bonkers to find out what kind. Everyday she would come home saying that they asked again how I was and what I had done and she kept telling them she didn't know. How can a 5 yr old explain RNY anyway?? At any rate, finally on the that Friday they asked again and she turned around and said, "She had the surgery that makes the whole family go on a diet." Ahh... I love that kid. (Of course at her program the next Monday I had them all in my face wanting to know... I can't believe how nosey some people are... whatever!)
Anyway...mentally I have struggled with if I made the right decision or not. I have struggled with wanting to eat a couple times. Well, let me rephrase that... I haven't struggled with wanting to eat a certain thing... I have struggled with the knowing that I can't eat like a normal person right now. This too shall pass and in a month or so I'll be back eating regular foods, just in smaller portions.
I can't wait to have a salad with some chicken on it. Weird I know. That is what I want. I salad with a good dressing and some chicken. LOL
Even the mental struggles though are getting easier with time and as each lb. drops off I feel more and more confident that this was right.
A lot of my problem (not just in this, but in life in general) is that I overthink everything and ask "why" in every situation. I've decided to stop doing that and just thing be what they are. There are so many things in my past that I sit and think about about and question why. I'm starting a new chapter in my life now. No more why's about the past.
This surgery isn't just a physical makeover, but an inward person makeover as well. To examine why I let food be my god, my best friend, my everything. To see how I let it control me and never go back to that again. It's a time to find other ways of coping and make changes in myself for the better. It's not easy letting go of your crutch, but boy will it be worth it in the long run!
I'm in a new season, a new chapter. It's exciting and I am determined to enjoy every moment as it comes, and through it all become a better me.
12 days post op on April 28, 2007 7:48 am
Last night DJ and I went to the store and I bought some groceries for them and for my puree stage. I was so tired when I got home, but glad that I got out and about. I am feeling alot better and am still doing my incentive spirometer every hour. I can tell it's really helping.
I am 12 days post op today. I am still down 16 lbs. I lost 14 in the first week, and only 2 lbs so far this week. It's ok though... I know it's a journey not a quick fix.
I've been fighting a headache the last couple days, but I suppose that is from no food. lol Right now I'm averaging about 500 calories a day. I am trying to get more in, but it's hard!
I am starting to feel like my old self again. I don't seem to be in that fog anymore which is nice. For awhile there I didn't even feel human. Yuck!
The plan today is just sitting around, working on some laundry and watching movies. I love Saturday's like this. Life is good. It really is.
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