ObesityHelp

30 days.  My entire life will change in 30 days.  

I have been tempted to focus on my surgery date and allow myself to become ansty and impatient and yet I dont' want to wish  my life away.  When I was 8, I couldn't wait to be 10.  Then at 10, 13 was the next goal. To be a teenager! At 13, I wanted to be 16 so I could drive. At 16, I wanted to be 18 so I could be an adult and buy cigs! lol Of course, once at 18, I wanted to be 21.  Once I hit 21, I really didn't worry about age anymore... instead I found myself pregnant 3 times and each time I've found myself crossing the days off the calendar up until my due dates.  Watching 40 weeks crawl by painfully slow!   

Now I look at an 8 yr. old, an almost 5 yr old and a 7 1/2 month old baby and think, where did the time go??

I'm refusing to do that when it comes to the time tables for this surgery.  To be completely honest part of it is b/c I could die on April 16th.  I don't want to spend the last 30 days of my life wishing them away.  Does that sound morbid? Maybe and yet I think I'm in the middle of learning a life lesson here.

Yesterday I celebrated my 28th birthday. I'm not old by any means and yet the aging process is starting to get to me.  I mean, afterall, I remember my parents being 28 yrs old.  I remember where we lived, what we did for fun, how they dressed and acted. I recall how uncool I thought they were. Ha!  Now I look in the mirror and see my 28 yr old self and think, where did the time go?

My parents will both be turning 50 this year. I bet they are asking the same question.

And so... I sit here 30 days pre-op and though I am excited and really wanting to get this thing over with, I am fighting tooth and nail to keep from wishing my life away anymore.   

I've lived in this fat suit for years.  I've had the fat girl mentality since childhood and in 30 days I'll be able to start letting those things go.  I am so ready, but believe me, I'm gonig to enjoy life to its fullest for the next 30 days.