I can't believe I have so many clothes,

Mostly I can't believe how fast I can get into a new size these days. I have piles of clothes that don't fit properly and currently spend time trying to figure out where to get smaller sizes, without spending loads of money.

I read somewhere years ago that Marilyn Monroe was a size 16, and I decide that if I ever lost weight I'd be happy to get there, since in my memory I'd never been there.

Well I'm there. At first it was just a plus six 16, a little bigger than a regular 16. Now I'm into full on 16-14 regular clothes territory and I'm confused. Confused by the choices, and by the cuts - still. I always thought it had to be a plus size thing, that they kept changing the cuts and sizes to make us feel worse. It's an all over issue I guess and it's a bit weird - or maybe I just don't know enough about regular stores.

I know that could totally be the case, because I never bothered to learn which regular stores are more generous in their cuts and which are cut smaller. I see that this would be good information to have now, so that I'm not stumbling through some stores wondering why nothing fits and others wondering why it all fits, and the numbers on the tags are all the same.

What I'm really interested in is getting some nice summer dresses. I don't know if that will happen, with what I've seen in the stores in my price range - and what I've seen in the second hand shops. Nothing there I'm inot or can get into yet,

Of course this is my 9th month, and I'm in that fabulous stall that can happen where inches are changing but the scale isn't.

Hell even the super tight on my calves boots are lose and I'm finding all my shoes loose, and I still can't see the changes like everyone else does. People are not recognizing me so I must have changed, My sister, very politely explained I used to look like a snowman and now I don't. I guess I was really round, of course I am naturally glow in the dark white, I still don't get it though, I don't really know what I look like because to me the body shape is still the same and I look at myself all the time so I guess I just don't have the ability to notice things yet.

Either way I'm happy to be losing and I'm trying my best to continue it as far as it will go - because I want to lose more. I'm down 111 pounds, but still in the 200's - 211 to be exact. I want to get to the 100s. I want to do Run or Dye the end of August too, even if I can't really run well at this point, I'm working on 30 planks in 30 days and I'm starting a couch to 5k program soon. It should be fun, if I can get it together and stick with it. I don't have the greatest stick with-it-ness :) I'm working on it.

Keep smiling :)

So I've been plugging away working the program, hitting a few snags - but staying mostly on goal.

I've gotten to the point where I don't really see the difference in me, I was for a while really seeing it but now I have no clue again - except for my jawline, I have one -> Who knew?

I'm 6 pounds away from 100 pounds gone, and I'm kind of wondering why I don't see more of a change. I know I'm like a size 16/18 now, was 24/26 at the start - so that has changed. I'm down a shoe size and have way more energy. Still physically I look pretty much the same to me.

I have the before and after pictures. I have the measurements so I know this is all in my head - my mind hasn't caught up with the body yet. So I guess I'm wondering how long that will take. How long before I see me as I am now, really see me?

In the mean time I may get to the century club in March, then it's onto onderland (JUST a mere 22 pound later).

The really weird thing is sometimes I think it's all a dream. That I'll wake up and it will never have happened - that's scary!

I got to 5 months and stalled. I was worried, but I tried not to go overboard. I watched the scale sit still for 3 weeks, and just about dies when I saw it go down. I didn't believe it, so I tried it again and BAM back to the same weight - ERG!

And my birthday was coming up so ...

Of course I wanted comfort food in the worst way. Days of dreaming of KFC, just a wing I told myself - it's ok.

I didn't do it. I sat here and talked myself out of it.

I Googled the nutritional info on a KFC wing - egads!

I went online and found baked fried chicken recipes - but didn't actually make any.

It just wore off. I took 3 days but it wore off - the need to eat something bad.

Yep it's a struggle. It's a constant if this then that talk with myself; sometimes heavy on the why?????

In the end I want to be using the tool not mourning the loss of it.

Of course today is my birthday and I'm renting a limo, going out for dinner with a friend and then going bowling.

I'll try to be good, but I can tell you a sliver of cake will get eaten because I firmly believe in cake on birthdays - even if it's vegan flourless cake.

I had surgery 5 months ago today. I can't believe it.

I've gotten into my skinny jeans from 10 years ago (18+), and even further down the size chart I got into a 16+ skirt for new years!!!

I've lost 83 pounds so far. I walk walk walk and try really hard to drink drink drink. I do forget that when I get busy, but I can't forget to eat - my tummy won't let me get away with letting it be hungry and if I do manage to go past the regular time to eat I end up feeling crappy so I try hard to not do that. Catching up with the water now too so I'm almost even keel.

I'm moving to a new apartment, same building just a different floor - and that will keep me busy for the next few days. It's not too stressful to have a few days and a few floor between the new and old place. I don't even have to go outside!!

So far the New Year has been cold and forbidding for being out and about, but being lighter sure makes it less of a chore to be out and walking in the snow/slush/slippery we've been getting. I don't seem to be walking much faster, but then again I'm kind of afraid of falling and hurting myself so I get slower in the winter :)

Happy New Year everyone and may all your skinny jean dream come true!!!!

I'm pretty much down 2 full sizes and sliding into the third. Thing is, I still want to wear my bigger clothes - because they are comfortable and loose now and not tight and binding.

To be fair, I have gone and gotten smaller size clothes from second hand stores and even clothing swaps. They all fit (though some better than others for sure) and I like them. They are an evenly distributed between work and casual clothes so I have a fair wardrobe. But I can't get used to the smaller sizes. Because they fit well.

I was wearing my older clothes for so long. because they were still fitting in the waist (now not so much but they aren't falling off yet). I guess I got too used to them being loose and free. Putting on the better fitting smaller clothes makes me feel self conscious and like I've gained weight, because they are tighter. Not popping buttons tighter but so much more fitting then my old clothes.

I know I'm being wacko here, that I haven't gained weight and that I'm not required to wear my older clothes to prove to myself (or anyone else) that I have lost weight. I just can't seem to get used to the way the new smaller sizes fit, it's like I'm hyper aware that they are closer to my skin and I am actually now and again worrying that I'll rip them - because I'm a lot unbelieving that I fit those sizes. It's not full on regular sizes yet. I'm only 4 months out - but if this is happening now what kind of nervous breakdown am I going to have when I do get to regular sizes?

About a decade ago I lost some weight and was in a 20, where I am now - and I gained it all back and then some. It crossed my mind the other day that that had happened. I worried a little bit then that I may do something that would put all that weight back on and more. And isn't that everyone's fear?

I'm hoping to see 18 soon, and then regular sizes shouldn't be too far behind. I'm mentally trying to work around this weirdness I have with clothes, tighter versus looser - and all still fitting me in one way or another. I was never into the hip hop oversized clothes scene so I really have to stop wearing my old clothes!