Fear continues

May 28, 2015

I don't have any fear about the surgery.  I won't until the day before the surgery.  That is why I have requested valium for that day and the surgery day.  No, my fear is that something is going to get in the way of this.  That the insurance coordinator is not going to call the insurance company and get the approval number needed tomorrow to set my surgery date and I will have to look at a date the next week.  This will make it so I don't get to see my kids before surgery, and will not have most of my family here during the most critical time.  That worries me.  

I'm also struggling with the same two pounds.  On and off.  Tomorrow I am betting I will wake up and the scale will be 339.  Then the next day it will be 341 again.  Its frustrating.  I think going on my 2 weeks liquid diet tomorrow will result in the stall going away.  But its a scary thought.  Tomorrow is the last day of real regular food for 8 weeks.  That does not worry me, but its so tempting to do a "last supper".  My husband asked if I wanted to do that, that he was ok with it if I wanted to.  With wine.  But I am on a self induced "diet" by following the post op rules.  Which means nothing but eggs, meat, cheese and green veggies.  No wine.  No pasta.  No bread.  And I'm ok with it.  I told him no.  I was going to do a meat heavy, protein forward dinner as my last meal.  Lamb chop with asparagus.  I'm actually looking forward to it.  And it will be the last thing on my "normal" menu for 8 weeks.  Ok, that is the next step.

I just want to know its almost time.  Not that it MIGHT almost be that time.  But we will see how the day goes.  I will be distracted with my husband having a procedure tomorrow so I will be focused on him as well.  That will help get through the day in case she does not get through to them.  *sigh*

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