ANGELINA6501
First Blog post - Surgery & the holidays
Oct 18, 2014
My surgery date is December 16th, which is less than two months from now. I am ok with having my surgery around Christmas as I need to be on a break from college (so I can rest up without worrying over homework and tests.) My stepdaughter, 23, usually comes home for Christmas, just for a few days, then goes back home. This year, she had originally planned to go to Puerto Rico for Christmas. I was sad about that, but today she told us that she would be home for Christmas! Yay! Except, she has informed us that she will be bringing her cat home this time. We have 2 cats and have had her cat here before, but it was a situation that needed to be constantly monitored because they would hiss, fight, be territorial, etc.... It was always my responsibility to manage the 3 cats, keep on top of them, feed them and make sure no one is getting hurt.
With my surgery being right before she comes home, with her cat (who really is a nice loving cat), I will not be able to do those sorts of things - moving the cats, constantly getting up quickly to break up a fight or whatever. I told both my husband and stepdaughter very firmly that I will NOT be able to do this this year, that it will be their responsibility to take care of them while I am recuperating. First thing my husband says is "I'm out of this, I'm not getting involved." My stepdaughter looked worried that she might have to take charge over her cat. (After the other incidents with the clashing of the cats, we've basically told her that because our cats don't like another cat in the house, and we were having family strife over this, that she was welcome home here, but not her cat - unless she is here watching over her kitty, or if she HAD to move back home.)Most of the time she comes "home," she stays at her grandparents house 2 minutes away from our home, so she may not be here all the time to take care of him.
Had to inform the husband that this is part of the help that I will need from him and over the last 6 months I have been explaining that I will need him to help me with a lot of things. See, I do all the "womanly stuff" like cleaning - never to his standards, but whatever :) , take care of the cats, make his lunches for work and then our dinner, grocery shop, etc....and I also go to college full time. And I have so many co-morbidities, that I cannot work a regular job (but can't get SS - that is another post) so I try to be the best "homemaker" I can. He complains a lot, is very protective of his personal time and hates changes to the routine. I have been trying to let him know that he will need to pick up some of these duties for a bit, until I am all healed. He has been supportive and says he will help; knows he will have to prepare his own meals for a while, vacuum and take care of the cats. Then this comment tonight about not getting involved. I wasn't before, but I am now worried that on top of trying to heal and learn how to eat again, I will have to chase the cats around and do the housework. Maybe a little bit here and there I could do, but not all of it and not at the pace I do now. So Christmas. I love cats, I love my cats, I love my "grand" cat who is coming, but all 3 together has always been a struggle.
I am trying to be supportive and understanding that the cat cannot be left alone for over a week, but this is such bad timing. My husband will be at work all day, so I am afraid I will be left here with 3 cats and a household to manage. I don't want to have a poor outlook about this, and I am genuinely happy that my stepdaughter will be here for Christmas as that will bring me some joy, since I won't be able to eat all the goodies. I guess I'll keep taking it one day at a time. It's the only way I know how to live.
