I'm down to 250 lbs today. That's a total of 39lbs loss from the beginning of the year. My clothes are hanging and falling off me, people are telling me how good i look, and the scale is moving steadily but not as fast as I'd like it to, and yet..............i feel exactly the same. I look in the mirror and see the same person. My self image has never really been affected by my weight. Though I  never really "liked" being fat, I never saw myself with decreased self worth as the weight crept on throughout my life. I always loved me. It's just strange I guess. I am obviously changing. The proof is everwhere. But for the life of me,..I just don't see it!

Wow, I can't believe it's only been a week since my Surgery on 5/27/08! So many changes and struggles overcame in such a short time! My surgery went "perfectly" as my doctor stated, and although I had some pretty bad nausea and pain the whole of my hospital stay, things progressively got better and better after I came home. 

I had my one week check up with Dr. Bobby yesterday and he says I can progress to stage 5 Puree diet on Monday. Egg Salad never sounded so good! I am so looking forward to eating food again! But in a healthy way that is conducive to my weight loss of course. 

I took stock this morning. Looking back on Jan. 1 this year, I weighed 288 lbs. and today I weigh 261. I've lost 27 pounds in six months. That's the biggest weight loss success I've ever had. I'm wearing scrubs to work that used to be too tight. People are begining to notice my gradual "melting" saying that my face looks thinner, and whatnot. It's nice to have the outside environment and peers validate my decision to change my life. 

It's doubly better to be part of such a strong support system. The Bariatric Program at Desert Regional Medical Center and their support group have been invaluable. It's nice to mingle with these people who know my story because it's their own as well. And I'd be nowhere were it not for the unwaivering support of my family. My husband especially. I feel very blessed. Even now as I drink another gross protein shake. Because for the first time in my life, I feel like I have control over everything in it. I had control over many things before, but my weight was never one of them. 

I'm on my treadmill everyday and everyday I do my 30 minutes a little faster. Yesterday I walked a 1/2 mile in 30 minutes which is a first. And the best part is that I wasn't winded and my muscles felt fatigued but not in pain. I'm starting to ponder the possibilty of some kind of physical recreational hobby. Like Kickboxing or Polynesian Dancing. At this point anything goes. 

For the first time in my life I feel that the doors to the whole wide world are opening up to me, because it won't be long before my weight will not be an issue or a road block. Soon I'll be able to do absolutely anything I want. And although I'm not there quite yet. The anticipation is that of a child's on Christmas Eve night. Just the idea of what tomorrow may bring is exhilarating. Look out world.

...and I'm going mental. I'm so sick of these disgusting soups and barely tollerable drinks. I wanna gag when I look at them. People say this is the hardest part of the whole process. They're right. I'm seriously looking forward to the relief surgery will bring.

I'm so effing hungry I could cry. I'd seriously kill for a Double Double from In-n-Out right now. 

7 Days to go. Hope I don't go postal and hold up a Hometown Buffet in the meantime.

I feel like I'm storming the beaches of Normandy at this point. I went and saw Dr. Bobby today for my Pre-Op appointment. When I got there, there were three other gals there, and two of them (Stacy and Dawn) will be having their surgeries the same day as I. They're great gals and I'm glad to know who my neighbors will be :)

First we did a quiz (I got 19/20 woohoo!), then we weighed in. At this time my weight is 280 lbs. We visited with a personal trainer who was very nice and seemed very much in tune to the needs of people like me. Then we were given our 10 day Optifast Pre-Op liquid diet and all of our prescriptions. 

Right now everything seems so...FINAL. Like...for the first time I KNOW that this is really happening. Until now it all felt like dress rehearsal for a show that could get cancelled at any time. With the insurance battles getting me down at times, almost to the point of quitting, everything was so uncertain for over a year. But now? Prescriptions in hand,  two bags full of the most expensive groceries I'VE ever bought, and a set date...this is really happening.

My new Birthday will be 5/27/2008.