September 21, 2012 on September 21, 2012 5:38 am
....so, I am at work yesterday and get a text from Denis, the love of my life, and he tells me he is reading all my stuff on the internet. I did not realize it would be so easy to find, lol. I have nothing to hide, but it still made me a little uncomfortable because...well, geez...here is where I write my life.
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Anyhow...Denis was mentioned in the last post...way back when we had first started dating...We are now living together, and I am living a wonderful life. It will be a year we have been living together at the end of October, He is a great guy, and no, I am not writing this for "your" benefit Deni! He makes me laugh almost everyday, because he is a very funny guy. He is caring, considerate, and respectful...more than anybody I have ever loved...so yes, he is the love of my life.
The kids are doing well. Kyle now has a girlfriend that he is living with. Cali is working, and we are working on our relationship. He turned 26 a few days ago. My granddaughter is 4 now. Mom got a computer and is now learning how to navigate the world of the internet. Ray is suppose to be paying for the divorce, but I am still waiting on this...hope I don't have to wait too much longer...I would like to put that behind me.
Weight is up...way up...I am not happy about this, but I honestly suck at dieting.. I have changed my position at work so I hope I can and will get more exersize so it will sllllloooowwwwllllllllyyyyy come back down. I need to lose about 25 lbs just to feel comfortable, but I would like to lose 30...however I know that is asking for a lot since I am lucky to lose 4 lbs a month with serious dieting...it sucks to be insulin resistant. It is really hard when you live with someone who has never had a weight problem...there are a lot of unhealthy foods in this house. I must take responsibility for my own eating, so I can't blame it on anything but me. I was working in a position that I hated at work, and took most of the summer off of work, and did nothing. Now I have a couple different clients so I am trying to get out for walks daily...and that is 2 walks a day, as I have one client in the morning, the other in afternoon. The problem there is that they move so slowly, it is more like a strole than a walk, but at least it is movement...where as my last position I pretty much sat on my ass for 8 hours a day. It also doesn't help that I am menopausal...the waist line just grows...shape changes....and I can see this in the mirror...I have no waist...not just because of the weight gain, but because my body shape has changed...it happened to my mother too...I guess it is just a part of aging. Lots of hot flashes happening...but so far, very few nightsweats.
March2011 update on March 18, 2011 3:51 pm
Wow, what I life I lead! I again find myself in love with a wonderful man...I know it is all new, and I must take my time on getting to know him, but this is a thing I have always struggled with...slowing down...taking my time...not a strong point...seems when I know, I just know. This however, has not served me so well in the past...so yep, slowin' er down...
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We play house on weekends...but no major talks of moving in. Our dogs like each other...and they like each of us...so this is a good thing. He has no kids, and his wife died of liver cancer...He is used to long term relationships...which is another plus for him...or for me...however you want to look at it. He isn't a big eater...another plus...works hard, has some assets, and has me in stitches most of the time.
On a sad note...Kyle moved back to BC, so both my children are there now..and I am here with no plans of moving back...Mom is still here, and I need to be here for her...as well as the new boyfriend, and the job that I absolutely love. I do hope that I am going to get some time in the summer to visit the kids...and my grandbaby, cuz I miss them all so much. and of course get a visit in with all my friends too! Can't wait for them to meet Denis.
He is teaching me some french. He is originally from Quebec, so speaks fluent french and english...awesome to learn a language that I have always wanted to learn...
So, anyhow...I guess that is about all for now...Life is good, I am happy...I am grateful for my many blessings.
life is so short on February 14, 2011 11:54 am
Last night I had my son, mother, Jenine and a couple of friends that helped me move over for dinner as a thank-you for all their hard work. While here, my son called his dad as he usually does, because it is cheaper to call on my house phone, than it is for him on his cell. So, his dad's roommate says that his dad hasn't been out of his room for 2 days and that when the roommate tried to wake him he was cold..the ambulance and police were on the way...and that Kyle should call back in 10 mins. I knew the minute Kyle got off the phone and told me what was going on, that his dad was dead...they don't send the police with the ambulance unless there is a death in the home. Sure enough about a half an hour later we got confirmation...My first husband had passed. I have no idea how long he was dead, or why...they will be doing an autopsy to confirm. I honestly hope it was not a suicide or drug overdose, which it could well be because Wayne was mentally unstable and did suffer drug addictions, although he had been clean for sometime as far as I was aware. It seems so tragic, to be so young, and be gone...but his life was full of turmoil from child sexual abuse that he had suffered at the hands of his father...He just could never get passed it, and he didn't feel supported or believed by his family. I take comfort in knowing that he can now rest in peace.
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It is my children that most concern me know...mostly my youngest son, who does show some of the signs of also having mental instabilities, tho, he has never been diagnosed. He also uses alcohol and pot to cope with his life...and this scares the shit out of me. We have not spoken in close to a year, because the last time we talked I told him he needed to take responsibility for his life, and get his shit together...He didn't like what I had to say, and told me I was dead to him...I'm really hoping he will reach out to me now...but chances are with his stubborn streak, he will not, but will find a way to blame me for this as well...or at the very least, wish it was me that was dead instead of his dad....God I hope he doesn't say that to his brother!!!! I am doing my best to support Kyle right now, because for the moment Kyle lives in the same town and province as I do. I am driving him to the Calgary airport tonight so he can catch a flight, and go help make arrangements. He is in shock I am sure...Not really crying or freaking out...not even as much as me and this concerns me too...but I do realize that we all grieve in our own way. I'm sure Kyle is just in shock and numb for the moment. I wish I could go to the funeral to support my boys, but unfortunately, I cannot afford to fly there or take the time off of work..I did check the flight costs, but with just moving...my account is not in great shape, and I do need all that I have...Good lord, if I would have seen this coming, I could have put up with an extra month of living with Bill in the old house, but I didn't...and spent my savings to get here.
Wayne was a good guy dispite his trials...He was a great Dad...I am blessed to have had him father my children...Although he was never the man for me...He did an awesome job with them...and held it together pretty good until they were old enough to understand about mental illness. He had a very warped sense of humour, something that my oldest inheirited, lol! And thinking back...I have a few good memories of our time together...number one and two being my boys!!! Not quite sure what the future holds for them now...but I will pray, pray hard that they find peace with this too!!!
Holy crap, been a long time! on January 31, 2011 10:05 pm
Wow, it has been a long time since I updated. Bill ended our relationship in November...so Christmas was difficult this year...I got drunk to get through it...but I did get through it. I am currently in the midst of leaving the home we shared. We moved into a beautiful new 5br bi-level..but a house is just a house...it isn't a home. So, I am moving out on my own, with my new client next Sunday. We are moving into a 2br main floor of a house...it isn't the greatest place, but I will make it nice with my decorating skills...the rent is affordable...until I get through with this bankruptcy it will have to surfice!
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Hmm...well...going to see Dr Joya again in April...how cool is that!!! One of my new guy friends...kinda boyfriend... is having the surgery and asked me to go with him...I am soooo there!!! Almost a 3 year anniversary reunion...That just rocks!
My social life is pretty busy these days...the above mentioned man, is amazing...wonderful, kind, funny, hard worker...caring, considerate...and genuine...I care very much for him...He is however, just in the beginning stages of breaking off a relationship...so we have agreed to keep things cool until his ex can accept things as they are, (they work together,)....so me...well...I have been doing a lot of dating...usually really nice men...only met one real weird guy...there is something to be said about listening to your gut...I didn't with this one guy...and he talked to my boobs the whole conversation..and it was a quick one...couldn't wait to get out of that coffee shop, lol! I have seen a couple of men, a couple of times, but it is the above mentioned man that I am developing feelings for...Funny, when we first met, I knew we would become fast friends, but I honestly never imagined I would feel "that" way about him...He is a big man...but I don't even see that now...I see his soul...not his shell...something I had wished people would have seen me for..I still wish for that, but unfortunately, it seems...people are much more attracted to the shell...and some never get past that...it is sad the way the human animal works! He has tho...I am sure of it...which does kind of put a screw into my one year alone plan...but then I really wonder if God has that in his plan for me..He surely wouldn't hand these men to me for no reason...I simply hope that this reason is not for the soul purpose of getting him through, and educating him on, living with a sleeve.
My son Kyle had his sleeve done here...I am not very impressed with the doctor that did it....He used a 50 bougie..and I swear, size does so matter...Kyle is really struggling...I never have!!! I mean I struggled to get the weight off...but I have had no issues in the form of regain or even wanting much in the way of cravings, or food issues...I really do honestly feel like I am living a "normal" persons life now...
Life is so different for me now...sure, I have struggles...still have some emotional crap that I have to deal with...but it is so much easier to see life in a positive way..and negativity is a rarity with me now...I am always looking for the lesson in every situation that I experience..this in turn, builds a stronger, more positive me...I am a happy person today...and happiness is not something to achieve, it is something to live...it is counting your blessings everyday...and I do...every day!!!
Hmmm... on August 12, 2010 8:16 am
Well, the vacation was great...and now i am home, getting back into my routine. Bill is back at work. He left Monday...I haven't talked with him since he left London on Tuesday. This is the first time that I haven't been in contact with him for more than a day, so I am not sure what is going on...but I suspect he has no internet...and can't call out on his international phone for some reason. I do hope that he is able to contact me sometime today.
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I had a visit from his neice yesterday...I think we could become fast friends...which is nice, considering the last woman that I tried to build a friendship with out here was a disaster...Thankgoodness I figured that out before we got close...but Allison is different...and I like her very much. She has a great sense of humour...yet she is a real person...not fake, and doesn't appear to be a drama queen...I so do not want anymore drama at this age. So, here is keeping my fingers crossed that we will become good friends...i could really use some female companionship sometimes. i do still have my friends in BC...and JoJo and I talk all the time, but it isn't like we can just go hang out, when she lives so far away.
I took the day off work yesterday...I really need to get into see my doctor...I am feeling pretty ill again...something quite like what i went through last year in May. I don't know if it is my gallbladder or whether it is a problem with my bowels...but something isn't right...and I hate feeling sick all the time...which I have been as of late. Not quite nausea, but queezy...and then the bloating, and diarhea constantly....Could be just my IBS acting up I suppose, but it seems pretty severe....so I am making an appointment for a physical today...probably will take a month to get in for one of those tho...ugh!
Other than that, life is pretty fantastic.