Plastics in my future!

Apr 22, 2009

When I started this journey, I knew I was going to want plastics...that hasn't changed...I really, really want plastics, and I want them bad.  I just know I would be that much more confident without this saggy ass, and without these saggy boobs.  They aren't small...am having a hard time finding the right fit for a bra actually...seems a 38 D is too big, but a 36 D doesn't fit in the cups...Now, I know my boobs aren't that big...so how it is that one will fit in a DD, But the other one is too small...and same with the D...One boob fits, but the other one is much too big, and has gross spillage...so what do you do...Have one cup too big...It looks stupid in shirts...gawd, I want them fixed. 
My ass is shameful...Like it looks like an elderly persons ass..and I know this cuz I have worked with the elderly.  its all flat and saggy.  I can't do everything at once...there is jus no way I can come up with that kind of money, not even down in Mexico...because I want, a LBL with thighs done, Butt lift with fat injections, breast lift and augmentation with my own body fat...no implants for this girl...I might want my arms done, plus I want some facial stuff done too...so I am going to have to do this in at least 2, maybe 3 surgeries.  I am thinking that if I work enough hours, I can probably save enough to get about $7500 for next year...depending on what the US dollar is doing, that may pay for the LBL and Butt...which I would want first...My breast bother me, but I can live with them...My ass I simply cannot.  So, if I save really well, I could have 3 surgeries in 3 years...and if Ray gets back to work enough to help me, I can probably do it in 2...that would be awesome!!!  If there is a will, there will be a way...and THERE DEFINATELY IS A WILL!!!
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One Year Surgiversary!

Apr 17, 2009

Post Date: 4/17/09 11:38 am
 

My One Year Surgiversary,


 

What have I learned.


 

I have learned that although I have a smaller tummy, I still need to work on old habits. The other day, I cut off a peice of cheese...I got about 2/3s of it down, and didn't really want anymore, but noticed, I took another bite. Why would I do this? Old habit! I gave the rest to the dogs, but it did open my eyes as to the fact that I am still a person that needs to work on food issues.

I have learned that nobody is perfect. I can forgive myself when I am not working my tool the way I should. I am not perfect, but I do pretty darn good most days.

I have learned that life is a lot more fun when the focus isn't all about the food. Family get togethers are fun now...because now it is about catching up with everyone...Not about what food is going to be there, how much can I get in, is so and so going to make that awesome________! I am more interested in the people rather than the food.

I have learned to be sexy again...I enjoy dressing up, and playing with hubby, not just in the bedroom, but in our everday lives. We laugh a lot more now. We tease! Being intimate is much easier for me to initiate now that I don't feel self consciencious about my weight. I might be almost 46 years old, but my husband still thinks I am hot!

I have learned that my opinion matters. Although I have never been one to be aggressive (unless you REALLY piss me off), I let myself become passive. I would just go along with the flow because I didn't want to draw attention to myself in anyway. I now feel that I am less passive, and much more assertive. I am not afraid to speak my mind on issues that matter to me. I don't push my values or opinions on anyone, because that is not in my nature, and I don't believe we really win doing this, but I will stand up for what I believe, and I wont change my mind just because someone does not agree with my thinking.

I have learned to accept the scale...No matter what the numbers say, I will not let them reflect how I feel. How I feel comes from the inside, and I refuse to let the scale rule my feelings.

I have learned that I love my tape measure much more than the scale. And the tape measure is a much better reflection of how far I have come.

I have learned that support garments are my friend. And until I get the exersize bug, they will probably always be a big part of my wardrobe.

I have learned that it is possible to eat like a normal person. All those years I spent denying myself, because I could not control my portions, is behind me. Now if I want it, I have it...I just don't have to have ALL of it.

I have learned...and I believe this is the most important lesson...I have learned to love myself.


 

For those of you that are just thinking about getting the sleeve, think about how this might change your life. Think about things that you want to do, but cannot physically, or mentally do them...think about what life you want to be living, and then think about how short of a time, one year really is!!! In one year, you can go from living your life, hiding in a shell you don't want, to blossoming like a butterfly, actually LIVING your life.

For those of you that are early out in this journey...Wow!!!! You are really in for the ride of your life!!!

2 comments

11 months out

Apr 10, 2009

Forgot to add this here for last months update, so I will add it now...Just a few days before the big 1 year!

Post Date: 3/17/09 8:15 am
Wow, what a wonderful, blissful journey this has been.
I started this journey, soo, soo unhappy.  Miserable at 231 lbs.  (though my highest weight was 256)  I had been over weight almost all of my life, except for a short stint in the 80's when I managed to diet myself down to 130 lbs..through starving and binging and purging I managed to keep myself at that weight for a couple years.  I mention this, because this was the time when I found my TRUE self...The woman I had always wanted to be..(Well, I was too young to be the woman I grew into, but you know what I mean)  I so loved being that woman.  I had all kinds of attention, not just from men...but from people in general...they were interested in what I thought about things, and for the first time in my life, I was not excluded.  Well, it didn't take long, and that weight started to creep back on....Up and up and up I went....I went up beyond what I had ever been.  And still I went up.  I battled with diets all my life..I think my first one when I was about 5.  My mother constantly had me on a diet, to no avail.
Today, I am really finding myself again. My health has improved greatly.  I no longer need insulin...I no longer show any signs of ever being a diabetic.  All my blood work came back excellent.  I no longer take anti-depressants, and I was on those for many, many years...sometimes my depression got so bad, I felt like I was living in a black hole.  I isolated myself, refusing to answer the phone, wouldn't answer the door, and basically shut down.  I even spent some time in the nut house for my depression.  I kept telling the doctors that it was all weight related...they disagreed.  Now, I realize that it probably wasn't ALL weight related, but a majoritory of it was.  Right now I am living through a tremendous amount of stress with DH out of a job...but beside the odd ativan, I am not taking any meds, and I am handling my life, with all its ups and downs.
My relationship with my husband has improved too.  My husband met me during that time in the late 80's when I was thin.  He had never been with a fat girl before so this did add a lot of stress to our relationship.  Don't get me wrong, he loved me, obviously...He married me when I was well over 200 lbs...but he never understood the struggle behind the weight.  He would always be supportive, from one diet to the next, but never understood why I couldn't just try harder.  He is now much more educated on the fact that insulin, and ghrelin plays a big part in our struggle.  Now, he, himself is having to watch what he eats because of diabetes, and being on insulin.  He now sees the woman he fell in love with.  He is proud to call me his wife...and he tells me how lucky he is to have such a beautiful woman to walk arm in arm with.  Our sex life has gone from almost non-exsistant, to 2-3 times a week...and that makes me happy.  We have fun again, we play, we laugh, we dress up...we do things that happy couples do.
I am not at goal yet.  I am 15.5 pounds away...I probably wont see goal for another 6 months or so...but I am bound and determined to get there.  I have had my struggles with stalls and such...but I also am not one to stick with a diet.  I have not done this low carb thing...although I do try and watch my intake of them...I felt that no diet has ever worked for any length of time for me...and I didn't want to diet now...I just want to be normal...and that is what I am doing...being normal...eating normal, like a normal woman would.  I try and keep to healthy meals and snacks, but if I really want something, I do indulge, but occassionally, not every night. 
I don't know if I will ever be one that gets into the exersize thing...I know I should, but frankly I don't enjoy it at all...I probably would have exceeded my goal by now if I exersized, but to be honest, I don't do anything on a regular basis.  I do want to tone up, so I am sure I will when I get in the right head space. 
I love my sleeve!  I feel like God has given me a miracle.  I would do this in a heartbeat again.  I am excited about my future.  I am excited about getting to goal.  I am excited about life...I am living proof that this WLS works.  I am happy, and when it all boils down that is all that counts.
Ani
Starting weight 231
Todays weight 165.5  
2 comments

About Me
Red Deer,
Location
29.4
BMI
VSG
Surgery
04/17/2008
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Feb 21, 2008
Member Since

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