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This is my new motto...I do not doubt!!!  Today...I am going to know!!!  Does this make sense???  Can you sit with me here...deep inside myself...Welcome to my world.  Isn't it beautiful!!!  The years of negativity, of living a lie, of disrespect, of struggles and hardships and heartaches, and broken promises...They are all GONE...That is now MY PAST...My past full of doubts...because I couldn't face the truth...Today I do!!! 
Today, I am living "THE DREAM"...Is it perfect...NO...but it is damn close!!!  I  feel so sure...so calm, so in tune...with myself...With my wants, my needs, my emotions...I truely am in tune with me...If you can honestly look at that statement...you will see...how incredibally amazing that is!!!! 
Coming from a woman who stuffed every emotion she ever felt down...With food...To who I am today...the life I am living, the changes I have made...the incredible life I am living...did I tell you...My LIFE IS INCREDIBLE!!!  I do not doubt...I have paid my dues...and( Karma)...(Faith)...God...is blessing me. 

Hmmm...the leaves are all dying...and the cool mornings let me know...that summer is over!  We are told to expect snow tomorrow...gosh, I hope not...I am not ready for that!  Had to turn the heat on today, cuz I just couldn't warm up...but that is also a side effect to this surgery.  My weight has dropped again...so now I am sitting at 138 according to my scale...which would make me 136.5 at the doctors.  I really, desperately need to hang onto this fat, otherwise the PS is not going to have enough fat to build my J LO butt...well, it doesn't have to look that good...but really...I need something there!!!
My hunny is still away...but will be coming home in 6 days...and the anticipation feels like it is killing me.  I am so, so excited for him to come home...Just can't wait to be held in his arms...and kissed, and loved!!!  He makes me feel like such a WOMAN!!!  The last couple days seem to be the hardest...I suppose it is all psych...in knowing he is coming home...but isn't yet here....I honestly don't know how we are going to make it out of the airport parking lot before I attack him...LOL!!!
I do have a new client moving into my home...but he is coming for a respite weekend on the 16th...so he will be moving in after that time.  I am so glad that I managed to keep the bills paid, and move...thanks to my Mom...and my girlfriend, Jo, lent me $700 so I could get the rent paid and some groceries for this month...Catch up is going to be a bitch...but I will manage...I always do!!!
My life seems so extrordinarily happy right now...I really do feel like I am LIVIN' THE DREAM!!!  The other night, I was sitting on the front porch...and was thinking about how my life has turned around...I was looking up to give thanks...and I truely saw an angel...a cloud shaped just like an angel...I knew it was just for me...telling me, that yes, it is my turn...and I am blessed...and my dreams are all coming true.  Sure, there will be some struggles along the way...but my dues have been paid...and the pay off begins!!!
Life is just too damn short to be stuck in something unhappy.  I have lost a few friends in leaving Ray...but ya know...I guess they weren't really my friends afterall...I have been called a coward, and a bitch...and skank...but none of that matters...I did what I needed to do...and I don't feel any guilt...Not one ounce...If HE had been doing what he SHOULD have been doing...My marriage never would have ended...but I would never have known the happiness that I feel now...so all things considered...they can call me anything...and think anything of me...I know the truth...I am justified...I deserve respect, and love!!!  I have given it for years..and now it is being returned to me...NOTHING is worth MORE TO ME!!!