ObesityHelp

Everyday there is something that pops in my head that I think about for hours at a time.  Today, it's my meds.  As I was getting ready to take them, I thought about how after surgery I won't have to anymore.  But then I realized that these pills are keeping me alive.  I mean, I always knew that in the back of my mind, but thinking about it really brought it into new light.  If I don't  take these pills I will die.  Just saying that is horrifying, but knowing that is true... well that is just.. wow.  These pills keep me alive.  So here I go... chokin' them down... again.

Tonight is just a bad night.  My sister is weighing heavily on my mind right now.  Even as I sit here bawling I'm trying to figure out why I am.  It won't make anything better and it sure as hell won't bring her back.  I miss her soooo much.  During the day when I'm around my family I have this attitude like everything is ok, but when I'm alone... a very different story.  I think about getting old, and not having my sister there with me.  I think about when my parents will be gone, and she wont be here. Maybe I'm just sad that I'll be alone. Selfish huh?  Truthfully I have to say I have no friends.  None near me anyway. Even though my parents are still with me, I feel so alone, so sad.  All the time. I just wish I could wake up from this nightmare.

Here are a few pics a week after my arm surgery.  Thankfully the staples and stitches are out now.  I was completely miserable with the staples, and my hand has absolutely no strength.  I've decided it's pretty much useless. :)  Sorry about the bad focusing, I took these pics myself.  You can see how much my hand was swollen.