My energy levels are killing me on November 12, 2008 5:42 pm
I feel like I'm at a new level of disfunction- it's already been almost two weeks since my surgery and I still can barely make it through the day without taking a nap. Actually, I think today is the first day that I didn't nap. Also, I just have no energy and no motivation for school, life, etc. I don't get this at all- things are mostly looking up for me, and this should be a time where I'm most fulfilled and excited about life. As it is, I am not that interested in it, and am not performing well. Is it lack of protein that's causing this? I'm so not pleased with it all. I just want to go back to feeling like myself, instead of this half-life that I'm currently experiencing. UGH. Even my art work and projects are falling behind- my creative mind just has no juice. Hopefully, we'll see a solution in the not-so-distant future. In the meantime, I've done a lot of time wasting, and also I tend to exercise more, but that's totally a good thing. a really good thing.
Well, I'm gonna go see about that homework, get in some God time, and take a bath. oh, processes
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Trepedation and Reflection on November 6, 2008 1:37 pm
The last few days have been hard on me. Not in the ways I may have expected- apart from some horrible moments in the hospital the first 24 hours after, I felt fine and my parents were great to me and made sure I had everything I needed.
However, my ridiculous psychiatrist who prescribes me my medicine for ADD not only didn't hear me when I said that I had built a tolerance up and stuff wasn't working, but she also said that she is not filling my prescription without a note from my other doctor. So I left the office with one 10-pill perscription and an instruction to schedule another appt when I get my doctors note. And where getting a doctors note usually isn't a big deal, REMEMBERING TO GET A DOCTORS NOTE, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE TO ASK REPEATEDLY CAUSE YOUR SURGEONS OFFICE IS NOT ON THE BALL, AND HOPE THAT YOU CAN REMEMBER AND BALANCE GETTING A NEW APPT IN ASAP WHILE ALSO IT BEING THE WEEK OF SURGERY AND HAVING TO CALL AND SCHEDULE IT AND DURING SCHOOL= WHAT THE FUCK WAS SHE THINKING?
For those who aren't as dependant on adderol as I am, let me explain: Without my adderol, I can barely carry on a normal conversation. I have zero energy, I sleep 9-13 hours a night instead of 7-8, I'm frustrated, lost, and absolutely nothing gets done school wise or otherwise. which is great when I'm taking pain meds and trying to catch up on missed schools. Fuck. I am so mad.
I finally weened myself off of the pain meds and so was able to drive and pick up the prescription for adderol this morning. With a lower dosage than usual, I was able to arrange the appt for tomorrow, hound my surgeons office who hasn't gotten back to me, plug away steadily for 2 hours at hard material and be basically caught up, write an efficient to-do list, run a couple of errands, search classes to start to build my new schedule. and went to classes. it's only 4:45.
okay, that was an excessively long rant, but it scares me so much when I am unable to perform in school- I'm a flipping senior. Okay. Deep breath. Band life:
I have almost no restriction now, and I'm 1. really really upset that my doctor thinks liquids is necessary for a full TWO WEEKS rather than allowing me to puree stuff and eat eggs (which I have been fantasizing about for a long time now). Now that I'm hungry a lot, I have to eat strained soups and shit- that an sherbert and sugar free jello are all that I really have besides at least 1 protein shake a day. and milk, occasionally. Honestly though, that's way less healthy than my 1 bowl of cereal and 2 meals of grilled chicken breast and broccoli. and its not as satifying in any way.
On the plus side, if I decide this whole thing was stupid, I have basically no restriction so it's like the band isn't there. Obviously, I wouldn't do that until giving it a decent chance (like, a year... not another 3 days), but it's comforting for me to know that if I am not gonna be helped by this stupid band at least I can pretend it never existed.
On that note, it's also been a bitch to try to exercise again. No pain meds + the amount that I exercise= really really sore muscles around the port site. Thankfully, my breathing has mostly returned to normal. I was singing as I walked briskly home (even though sometimes i was short of breath). I guess most of me just really resents that the band is such a hindrance (currently) to losing or even maintaining my weight. I did drop a pants size (it had been pretty close for awhile, I think), but now its a little tighter than I want it to be. Regardless, I feel healthier than the start of this process, that's for sure.
Really, I am anxious to have some fills and see if that really translates to any weight loss. And I want life to settle down a little. alright, thats it for this vent. as a newly healing woman, I will try for a quick nap, and if it doesn't work go be more productive.
Sorry y'all if I've been less involved lately. when I get properly medicated my social tendencies will return... unfortunately I get overwhelmed and confused by it right now so Im more quiet.
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