i was absolutely dying when i stumbled across this info, but there's no way for me to post it without incurring the wrath of my would-be employers.

apparently, ranked by city, new orlean'ians have the biggest penises. who dat/

http://secure.condomania.com/Rankings/

so, i met a new boy- and he has a peculiar attachment to the spot just inside my hip bone, very close to my 'special place'. this is probably the grossest spot on my body, as it is also the place where my extra skin colllides with gravity and folds over in the terribly unnatural saggy pouch that is my pannicultomy or however you spell that dumb word. well, amazingly enough, i'm okay with him touching me there. I'm okay with him seeing me there. the only real fear I had was that i was going to suddenly be uncomfortable, but I never was. what a crazy thing to be in someones arms and just feel like, hey, they accept you and it's fine. I didn't think I'd experience that, and definitely not early into dating. said boy is still around, but he and I aren't really very compatible... so I'm trying to enjoy a delicate balance of appreciating his company and not totally using him for selfish reasons. aka self esteem boosts, etc

law school did not AT ALL pan out like I expected it to, and now I'm even looking at waiting another year to go. I've been so anxious, upset, and bothered that I've stopped eating- that's practically a first in my life- stress usually causes me to eat more, and eat worse things than usual, unless its stress over eating then I just become a control freak. but a nice side effect of feeling nauseated/not hungry all the time is that I've dropped four pounds. all my measurements are staying the same, but they may change eventually. or they may have gone back up and I just didn't notice and now they're back to normal. It's WAY harder to exercise since I've started taking ritalin- i think in general I'm just not anxious enough to want to move around at all. when I do, I'm usually grateful, I just need to get back a routine in. in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy weighing the least I have ever weighed in my memory, and try not to think about the 10 lbs or so of skin that is just beggin to be cut off of my abdomen.

that's how much it's gonna cost if i want my cousin stephen to do my plastic surgery. that's with a 20 percent discount, being family and all. mom was completely illogical and wants to just do it [a la nike]. i keep staring at her like she's lost her mind but it doesn't slow her down.

i don't need a tummy tuck. i don't need lipo, or a muscle tightening. i just need the skin gone. telling dr. metsinger that was like telling emeril you don't need butter to make that dish- he knows of course that you 'can' but remains convinced that the result is worth it. yeh, sure, and so are the extra calories when you dont have to work them off.

in other news, i had epic growth in the subject of owning my self-image problems, talking, being vulnerable, and controlling my cra[insert last letter of the alphabet]y all in the context of a trip to new orleans with one of my best friends. he was wonderful. i'll try to write more later

ann

I haven't run in over a week. i lost count. my energy levels have been pretty low as I tweak on my ADD meds and try to not be consumed by this rut of life that is houston, tx. I found a new motivation- if I ever get over 180 i do shakes for lunch and dinner with very limited amounts of cereal if i feel like my stomach is just gonna eat itself. that seems to be a good built in check system thingy. weirdly, when i look in the mirror i sway wildly- some days im like, eh, you're kinda cute... some days i point out every little flaw and i feel my mind assessing how much bigger i'm getting, even if my weight is staying the same.

i've been really really really good with my vitamins, especially thiamine since it was low. i even read up a lot about them in a vitamin book, and i added sunflower seeds to my grocery list because they're apparently high in the stuff.

i'm done applying to law schools, and should know by may. gosh, that just seems forever. ugh.

i'm apparently a gluton for punishment, because I'm going for a consult with a P.S. while I'm in new orleans. never mind that i have no money to pay for that p.s., nor do my parents, but I'm gonna go hear all the wonderful things he could do to my body if I did have some money on me.