I spent a lot of the past few weeks trying to keep rising levels of panic at bay. I felt like I was out of control, and I couldn't really do anything about it. A lot of that had to do with my weight, and it definitely made an already rough transition way rough-er.

So, I'm not really cracked up to be a law student. or to be moving around so fucking often. I'm too communal, to non-competetive, and too people driven. still, I don't regret the decision to come here, I knew it was gonna be rough at first and I think a law degree is really what I want ultimately and what will help me with the next steps in my life.

But let me tell you- when you're stressed, dealing with a new situation, new 'job' /(school, whatever) and don't have a community, there's not a lot of other places to take that to. Also, I had a major rift with God and still sorta do because i ignored him for 3 months and felt (/feel) kind of estranged. so, it's either eating or shopping to kinda deal with that. thankfully, I chose shopping, and was actually pretty restrained about it. and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna allow that control-tendency to move over to eating, so that instead of eating shit, I'll just calorie count and exercise and at least look better for it. Because even though I only gained about 15 lbs (and have subsequently lost two) lots of my clothes don't fit. which led me to near breakdown every day I had to get up and put something on to go to class in. 

another thing that has been contributing, and which finally got fixed is add medicine. I was taking ritalin, I dont like the stuff, and I finally got a prescription for adderol again. god its beautiful. I feel like me again, and I'm so much more efficient, and life is just... brighter.

today also had two epic moments worth recounting here. first, I went to office hours and had a great discussion with my ethics professor who turns out is like, amazing. he specializes in really cool areas of law that are totally what Im into and was just really encouraging and wonderful.

secondly, I finally found a church group. this is huge for me because I really need people who I connect with spiritually, and I've been to a ton of churches here and wasnt really finding anything, and the 1 christian group at the law school really doesn't jive well with me. so, today was like, water in a dessert. and other intense cliches. but all true.

anyway, just wanted to write that all down. gotta get to sleep, tomorrow is another beast of a day with double doses of property class. ahhhhh indefeasibly vested remainders in fee simple!!!!

ann