I'd like a little simplicity. I'd like to not have to sort out all my feelings and rationale and pro/cons and whatever.

I don't know how I'm supposed to behave toward this guy- I don't know whether I want to seek him out when I've got stuff on my mind or not. He's not a very good listener- well, scratch that, he can be a good listener, but its not his usual thing to pry with me. And my usual is to wait for people to ask questions. I love it when people ask me questions. Hell, it's probably my favorite thing when I want to talk about a subject with someone. Questions show they care enough to be actively thinking about it. Questions give me a segway into putting my incredibly jumbled confusifying mind into cohesive sentences. Eric assumes if I'm being vague I dont want to talk about it. Or maybe he just isnt interested (but I doubt that). So, I had the option- instruct him on how I am, wait and hope he figures it out, or just let it be? If I was actually dating him, and my goal was to grow together, I'd instruct him- but do I want us to grow together? Am I just passive to it? Or am I trying to put the breaks on?

yeah, so, complicated is lame.

I scrapped the diet, and started doing one things as much as possible- cooking and eating a big filling dinner. I noticed most of my eating was at night and I'd stay hungry and keep snacking. So, it's helped a little. still at 185 but thats about as good as its gonna get anyway.

I've been trying to decide about dating- there is a guy back in houston who really likes me and wants to be with me, even if that means moving all the way to gainesville. I care about him, but his faith is really not important to him, and its incredibly important to me, so I'm less than gung-ho. My friends have been quick to point out that I'm pretty risk-adverse when it comes to dating, so if he's willing to do everything and I just have to be honest, what's the harm? 

I agree with that, for the most part. I'm just not sure if I want to wage an epic battle within myself over whether or not I'm gonna have sex with this guy. He's great about it, and completely fine with my boundaries. I'm just going back and forth, and the weightiness of that is starting to make me a little nervous I guess.