Dreaming of Thinner Days on December 26, 2008 1:42 pm
Hi all. A little history about me first. I'm 47 yrs old and have been married for 26 years to my wonderful husband. We have two great sons, aged 22 and 16. I have been morbidly obese for over 15 yrs now. I've had great success on many diets and diet programs but like for so many others, it all came back with extra pounds each time. And it got harder and harder to lose each time. I have yo-yo dieted myself right up to nearly 300 lbs. For the past 3 years I have developed one health issue after another. Co-morbidities as the doctors like to say; high BP, high cholesterol & triglycerides, and borderline diabetes. And let's not forget the painful hip and knee joints. All of which my PCP is happily writing scripts for. All just treatment and no cures. Oh and there's sleep apnea too which leaves me feeling tired. All that and I can't remember the last time I crossed my legs like a lady!
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I came to the realization that I have to get control of my life or I won't have one. And I also finally concluded I am not going to win this battle on my own with sheer will power. As if the personal decision to have WLS wasn't hard enough, my hubby was not on board at first. But, after attending my surgeon's seminar and then me reading him many of the posts/replies here, he understands more clearly why I have chosen to do this. Thankfully we're on the same page now and he supports me. Even he can see that quality of life has plummeted for me. I have become reclusive to the point that I go outside only to go to work where I then find myself thinking, "How slow can the day go by? Please Lord, I just want to get home where I can lie down and rest." I have a sedentary, desk job. Seriously, how tired can a person be from sitting on their butt all day? A social life? Not much. Shopping? Hah. Only if I have to. Even more, I could care less about clothes shopping. There is nothing that excites me when it comes to full-figure fashions. No one ever tells the morbidly obese woman, "I love that shirt" or "Hey, what a cute outfit." We're either the taunted or the invisible people. Yep, it's way past time to get control and restore what I've lost. Being invisible is not the real me. I used to have spark and energy. I was the happy-go-lucky, bubbling personality that made friends easily everywhere she went. But she slowly disappeared over the gaining years. The more the exterior expanded, the smaller the real me became inside. Sigh. I can't replace the lost years of playing with my own boys but I CAN get healthy enough to be around to play with the grandkids I hope to have one day. I CAN get healthy enough to garden again and feel the sweat on my brow from a good workout in the veggie patch or flowerbeds and not because I walked a few feet to see how high and thick the weeds have become.
I am at that exciting and yet still frustrating stage of my weight loss journey. I have a surgeon and have made the decision to have RNY gastric bypass. I've not yet gained official approval from my insurance company and I can't apply until I have met all their requirements. My only unprovable insurance criteria was the previous weight loss programs. Who keeps their receipts to Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem I ask? And do they keep those records where you can get a copy? Of course not. That would defeat the purpose of luring you back into their clutches and lightening your wallet. So, it's a 6-month, doctor supervised, diet and nutrition program through my bariatric surgeon's office and then 'Bariatric University' which is a detailed education about your surgery and the physical changes to your digestive system. They seem to have a complete program for before, during and life-long follow up care. At least I'm halfway there with that. Three more months to go and a psych evaluation somewhere along the way and I will have jumped thru all their hoops. I also breathed a sigh of relief last month when our company insurance policies were re-newed for 2009 and the WLS benefit remained in place.
Yes, I do dream of being thinner but more importantly, being active and healthy again. With the preparation and a little luck, I hope to have surgery around April '09. The 6 month pre-op program is giving me the education I need to work the tool my surgeon is going to give me so in retrospect, I am really glad my insurance company has this 'annoying' prerequisite. Without it I wouldn't have been introduced to this wonderful website either as in addition to local support groups, my bariatric surgeon's office recommended this site. Boy am I glad of that! I have learned so much from the many caring and sharing individuals who post here about their personal experiences. It has eased some of my fears about the surgery itself and what to expect after. I look forward to sharing my experiences as well as I journey down the weight loss road.