I'm approved.   So here are the emotions that I experienced after I found out.  First I was so excited I was doing the happy dance I was bouncing off of the walls then I got scared...OMG am I really doing thisnow...I'm doing the happy dance.

Home for the holidays a yearly tradition.  I must say that was a nice day. I spent the morning with my daughters they two very happy little girls.  Santa was very good to them.  After we went to my mothers.  The day started off very nice.  We exchanged gifts, had dinner and then watched the kids play with their new toys.  The adults watched movies and talked about old times.  That was the early part of the day filled with loud noise and laughter.  As the day went on the house started to get quiet.  When the noise stoped I started to think about my upcoming surgery.  As I sat there in the room filled with family I thought to myself no one here knows about this journey that I am about to take. All of a sudden it was like a wave of emotions came over me.  In fact I had to excuse myself.   I went into the bathroom and just started to cry.  Truth is I have a strange relationship with my family.  I don't know what it is for them but for me its superficial.  To see us people would think that  we were the best of friends.  For me ...No. I don't talk to them about the things that are going on in my life, never really could.  Even during my divorce they were not there for me. I went threw the whole court proceedings 1 1/2 years without one family member asking me how I was doing offering to take my children so that I could have a moment of silence.  Let me say that again I went threw the court proceedings for 1 1/2 year without anyone in my family asking how I was doing or offering any form of support.  Since then it has been full speed ahead for me.  I transferred the office that I was working in to be closer to home and more available for my girls,  refinanced my house, got a second  job, then a side hustle,  cut my expenses, enrolled my children in a less expensive after school program and paid off about 10 credit cards. I have been doing my thing.  Not looking back, not thinking about who was and was not there for me  and defiantly not feeling.  Today I felt everything.  I think the perfect description of this process is defiantly a JOURNEY.  It is forcing me to look at me whats important to me. Also to examine relationships in my life.  And also to feel things that I have not wanted to feel in years.

So I attended the group support class.  It was a party of about 10.  I must say it was very overwhelming.  The teacher (practice nutritionist)  gave us a lot of information.  I must admit for a moment I was feeling like can I do this?  I took very good notes and even had some samples during the class.  That part was good because it gave me a chance to try some products that I will be using in my new life style.  I am almost on my way.  All I have left to do is the final meeting with the surgeon and the cardiologist. 

I have ordered some protein drinks and more vitamins chewable this time. 

I'm almost there..................

Well last night I cheated on my liquid diet.  I broke down and had a back of chips.  Here's the funny thing....they were all salty and tasted gross on the roof of my mouth.  Ah I guess I am getting over my food addition.  Waking up this morning I feel better about the liquid diet.  I think that I will be fine from here on out.

OMG...I never realized what a mind trip the act of eating plays in my life.  No necessarily eating because I am hungry but just the act of chewing food.  During the day I do well but when I come home and start to prepare dinner for the family it gets difficult.  So today is day three so far I have lost about 6lbs.