Well a little update I supose.

 

We went today and made the arrangements.   with my oldest son making most of the final decisions we picked out a thomas the train pair of pajamis. Jaden my 11 yr old said since hes kind of sleeping it would seem right. We are sending all this little thomas trains with him too.

 

His casket will be white with blue satin on the inside. its a special kind where everyone can write on it. we all can write something special to him on it and it wont come off.

 

He will be view by family then closed for the public. My God I can hardly write this.

 

The first song to be played is called missing pcs by mark leland its the son in the video you all seen of him. then Untitled by Simple plane because it was on when he was dx with autism and it reminded me of him.

Then we willplay At the feet of God and Wind benieth my wings will be sang along with amazing grace..

 

That will all be thrusday evening.

then friday morning I will have to put my baby in the ground.

I know hes in a better place but it still hurts.

 

Someone emailed me and said the safest place for an autistic child is in heaven.

 

I was trying to rationalize why him out of all 4 kids why was it "his" time. But I think I know with everyones prayers I think I know.

He with his autism was so different. i often wondered as in school did kids make fun of my baby? How would I know? did it hurt him? I think God took his baby home so he wouldnt have to deal with the pain of this earth and the things he could not comprehend.This was he has no more autism he can say I love you all day and the words just flow for the first time ever. No he can jump with out getting hurt.

He is being cradeled in the arms of Jesus right now. Knowing that helps. It doesnt take it away but it sure helps.

 

 

On a lighter note. The missing pcs song. the man who wrote it and sings it emailed me. He told me he was honored to be a small part of kedans life with his song. he said he will forever be a part of his body and soul.

 

Its amazing what we as parents will do for our kids. I would give my life if i could just hold him and kiss  him one more time just once more.

Next time yyour kids are being brats hug them and be thankful they are here cause I wont see my baby no more.

If your weak hearted please dont read this. Im really sad today because its been less than 24 hours...

My son had autism he couldnt use words but not properly. He would of been 5 next month. my 2 year old talked better than him just to give you an idea.

Dh and I were fixing a satilight wire while our other son anthony (3) was "helping" the baby makaylee was sleeping in her crib.
and kedan my precious baby kedan was watching tv in the other room and comming back and forth to see me too. he hadnt came in to see me in a few miniutes but not too long. greg came in noticing the front door was opened. He escaped. We went out screamming his name and couldnt find him. I didnt see it i was somewhere else screamming for him. my husband saw him floating in the pond. he jumped into get him. he did cpr but we just knew it was too late. they tried to revive him for over an hour with no response. his ball was in the pond. so I guess it rolled in there and he tried to get it.
oh my god  my baby boy is dead. I dont know how or why i wanted to save him. why didnt god just take me.he wasa so special and perfect.

because of his autism he didnt have any fears. so the water was no threat or danger to him in his mind.
this is all i can type for now. i have go go now and find something to put my baby in and pick out a casket. he was denied life insurance because of his autism last year y state farm. soI have to go talk to the funeral hoome about my oprions now.
im only asking for prayers though please pray for us. Only God can help us to heal.

Some people have asked for a address for cards. please dont feel like you have to send a card but for those that asked this is my addy 
Sandra Seagraves 
P.O. Box 878 
Energy IL,62933


thank you all for the warm responses. Believe it or not posting it and reading all night here kept me ok and that means alot to me. thanks again.

sandra