autismmom's Profile

Username: autismmom
Location: energy, IL, USA
Member Since: 3/15/2007
BMI: 54.2
Surgery date scheduled
Surgery Type: RNY (10/30/07)
Website: www.specialkidsnet.net

Photos

Mine (17)

I'm in (0)

Uploaded 6 days ago	Uploaded 6 days ago
Uploaded on 6/30/08 7:10 pm	Uploaded on 6/30/08 7:04 pm
Uploaded on 6/30/08 7:03 pm	Uploaded on 6/4/08 7:35 pm

View Other Photos

Friends

autismmom has 113 Friends

deelight152	Anne S.	Kenna M.
ToPhat4Fat	CK ~	kellie B.
DeeAnn	cyndirene	DixiePop

View all friends

http://www.youtube.com:80/watch?v=krxpwThG68I

autismmom's Blog

some good news and an update
on August 20, 2007 3:15 pm

Well I revieved my aproval letter. im so glad. I actually got it like a week ago but I never opened and didnt know. Im happy now im waiting for my date she sould call me tomorrow with the surgery date. im thrilled.

An update on me now.

As some of you know my 4 year old son passes away 2 months ago.We are all doing ok I guess. I have my moments alot of them actually. Im depressed and have resorted to food again. I have my husband t talk to which is great and it helps. Its still hard I miss Kedan so much it hurts.
The school protriat people sent me pictures they made of him today so I would have more 8x10's of him that was really nice of them. Of course I balled as I saw them. Its hard to look at his pics now. The sad thing is its not weird that hes not here anymore im use to it. Thats sad in itself. Its hard knowiong hes never comming home. Hes becomming just a memory.

but ive been on tv 2 times and im going on again in the morning live. Ive also been on a talk radio show about our story.
I am lucky to have my faith because I know Kedans in Heaven and I will see him again someday. I wish here were still here of course but the future with his is all I have to hang onto.

I have to admit my life has stopped in many ways since hes died. nothing is fun anymore. I dont even want to have fun anymore.

we are having a fundraiser this Sunday aug 26 to raise money to finnish paying off the funeral bill. We didnt have life insurance because he was denied because of his autism.

We are also tryign to raise fund for his headstone. I have it all picked out just no funds. But we will get it with Gods help we will/

Im goign to start back to school in Jan. ive not been in 12 years WOW Im going to study my butt off so Kedan can work THROUGH me to helpm other children. I also plan on learnning to sign.

I hope it helps keep me occupied and my mind off the tradgity thats happened to us.
Im not sure if ive posted his memorial video on here or not. its been so long since ive been here.
In case I didnt here it is again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lksNGms1YnE

heres my last news broadcast. click the pic of him to watch it.
http://www.wsiltv.com/p/news_details.php?newsID=2743&type=top

2 comments | Click here to leave a comment.

My day of arranging to burry my baby.
on June 5, 2007 10:47 pm

Well a little update I supose.

We went today and made the arrangements. with my oldest son making most of the final decisions we picked out a thomas the train pair of pajamis. Jaden my 11 yr old said since hes kind of sleeping it would seem right. We are sending all this little thomas trains with him too.

His casket will be white with blue satin on the inside. its a special kind where everyone can write on it. we all can write something special to him on it and it wont come off.

He will be view by family then closed for the public. My God I can hardly write this.

The first song to be played is called missing pcs by mark leland its the son in the video you all seen of him. then Untitled by Simple plane because it was on when he was dx with autism and it reminded me of him.

Then we willplay At the feet of God and Wind benieth my wings will be sang along with amazing grace..

That will all be thrusday evening.

then friday morning I will have to put my baby in the ground.

I know hes in a better place but it still hurts.

Someone emailed me and said the safest place for an autistic child is in heaven.

I was trying to rationalize why him out of all 4 kids why was it "his" time. But I think I know with everyones prayers I think I know.

He with his autism was so different. i often wondered as in school did kids make fun of my baby? How would I know? did it hurt him? I think God took his baby home so he wouldnt have to deal with the pain of this earth and the things he could not comprehend.This was he has no more autism he can say I love you all day and the words just flow for the first time ever. No he can jump with out getting hurt.

He is being cradeled in the arms of Jesus right now. Knowing that helps. It doesnt take it away but it sure helps.

On a lighter note. The missing pcs song. the man who wrote it and sings it emailed me. He told me he was honored to be a small part of kedans life with his song. he said he will forever be a part of his body and soul.

Its amazing what we as parents will do for our kids. I would give my life if i could just hold him and kiss him one more time just once more.

Next time yyour kids are being brats hug them and be thankful they are here cause I wont see my baby no more.

13 comments | Click here to leave a comment.

My baby Kedan is gone and I cant believe I have to even say it.
on June 5, 2007 5:07 am

If your weak hearted please dont read this. Im really sad today because its been less than 24 hours...

My son had autism he couldnt use words but not properly. He would of been 5 next month. my 2 year old talked better than him just to give you an idea.

Dh and I were fixing a satilight wire while our other son anthony (3) was "helping" the baby makaylee was sleeping in her crib.
and kedan my precious baby kedan was watching tv in the other room and comming back and forth to see me too. he hadnt came in to see me in a few miniutes but not too long. greg came in noticing the front door was opened. He escaped. We went out screamming his name and couldnt find him. I didnt see it i was somewhere else screamming for him. my husband saw him floating in the pond. he jumped into get him. he did cpr but we just knew it was too late. they tried to revive him for over an hour with no response. his ball was in the pond. so I guess it rolled in there and he tried to get it.
oh my god my baby boy is dead. I dont know how or why i wanted to save him. why didnt god just take me.he wasa so special and perfect.

because of his autism he didnt have any fears. so the water was no threat or danger to him in his mind.
this is all i can type for now. i have go go now and find something to put my baby in and pick out a casket. he was denied life insurance because of his autism last year y state farm. soI have to go talk to the funeral hoome about my oprions now.
im only asking for prayers though please pray for us. Only God can help us to heal.

Some people have asked for a address for cards. please dont feel like you have to send a card but for those that asked this is my addy
Sandra Seagraves
P.O. Box 878
Energy IL,62933

thank you all for the warm responses. Believe it or not posting it and reading all night here kept me ok and that means alot to me. thanks again.

sandra

73 comments | Click here to leave a comment.

5-30--7
on May 30, 2007 8:59 pm

Yesterday was my PSYCH EVAL. My apt was at 3:30 but I didnt get in to see him until after 5. It was worth the wait because he was a very nice guy. We talked alot about my Bipolar. He made me realize some of my weight this past year was due to my med. combos. He's going to work on changing that for me.
He did give me my aproval clearance for surgery. Now its just the Insurance wait for aproval.

1 comment | Click here to leave a comment.

5-20-07
on May 21, 2007 12:13 pm

So depressed today.
Ok im still waiting on my Phyc exam on the 29th of this month.
Then it will be submitted to my isn. The doctor says aprox 2 weeks after that we should have the aproval.
He's positive I will get aproved.
The more I think about it the more I think he can't gaurentee I will be aproved what if im NOT approved? Im so depressed. My back and legs have been killing me for days now. I know its because of my weight.
I went to get a new pair of much need shorts today at Target I got the biggest size they had a 26. I got home to see they wont fit at all ! Im so upset and cried like a baby.
Im trying to be positive but its so hard. What if im not aproved. I can't live this way anymore.

Be the first to leave a comment.

Archive

My Story

Ok lets see my story I am sandra a wife of a wonderful man and I have 4 kids.

I am 31 years in Southern Il. I struggle with being anemic and being bipolar as well.My kids are 11 Jaden 4 Kedan he is autistic 3 anthony and almost 2 is my baby girl Makaylee.

I have been fat as long as I can remember. embarassed and feeling lower than life in my own world. I dont like letting people know these things baoput myself. Ive done dieting ect for several years not. I actually lost 50 lbs with weight watchers only to gain it all back. I have always saidif you love me then love me know matter what I look like. I guess most people don;t really love me then.

Everyone seems to always notice my weight and comment. No one notices my new outfit or haircut just my weight. Why do people think im not human? Dont they think this hurts? Do people not realize yes I KNOW IM FAT !!! ok I feel better now. LOl

Like most everyone here im sure I feel worthless not even worth of life. I fear im not known as jadens mom but "the fat one over there". I hate being labled and eating in front of people wondering what there thinking of me.

Ok enough depressing stuff.

March /16 /2007

Ive been depressed for 3 days now wanting to find a way to have wls. Ive read this site and others on the net all night long for days. I only have a medical card. I never knew anyone would take it. I began emailing back and forth someone here from OH. Shes not too far from me and talked about her doc shes waiting for her surgery too. I called and even made an apt with them.

i went to the bank and was told they would have no problem loaning me the 8,000 for the surgery !! yay !!

How I will pay it all back is a bridge I have to cross later on i guess. Ive been praying God would open a door for me. I believe he has. Im a little less depressed tonight now.

March 18/07

Todays been a better day for me. Im full of anxeity over the consult and knowing my surgery will be in may probably. I can't stop thinking about it. this darn Bipolar isnt helpingme either. ive been battling it for a few weeks now. Anyways ive not been scared today thinking about it but excided. I have decided to try and change my life more now before the surgery this way maybe it will help afterwards. Im going to look into some vitimins and shakes tomorrow. Plus I figure the healthier I am at surgery the better ill heal. Im hoping anyways.