ObesityHelp

Not sure what to title this entry. I just wanted to post about what I've been doing this past week.  Since the beginning of the year, when I finally got under 200 lbs. It has taken me a very long time to get to my current weight.  Yes, I realize the weightloss slows down as you go along, but for months I stayed in the 190's. Finally I broke through and made it to around 185, for like a day. Then back to 187, then at one point 189 and up and down like a Yo-Yo for over two months. It got very aggravating.  I got myself back on track a bit with exercise and watching things a bit and I dropped the few lbs. again and hovered between that 185 to 187. Again, I know the weightloss is slower, but I also know that I had a) not been drinking enough water b) eating too many Starbucks cookies, or brownies. I found around the Christmas holidays that I could eat a small cookie and be ok, no dumping. From there it started to build. No, I still only ate one maybe two small cookies here or there, but that turned into trying the espresso brownie at starbucks and NOT dumping. Huh??? It's pure chocolate and sugar and has to be at least ten kazillion calories. Then I tried the large chocolate chip cookie, still no dumping. Maybe here or there a little tiredness, but nothing bad enough to make me stop.  Almost every day in the evening I was wanting my cup of coffee and a cookie. I did this for over a month, telling myself I can't be doing this. I'm intelligent enough to know that even though I wasn't gaining weight, but fluctuation between a pound or two (I guess that is gaining)  that I am smart enough to know that long term this will not continue and eventually I WILL begin to gain weight.  The thing that kills me about this is that I was not a big sweets eater pre-surgery.  Sure, I liked birthday cake, donuts, cookies etc. the same as anyone else. But I was not fat from sweets, I was fat from fried, greasy, fast food, and too much, with no activity.  But here I found myself these past few months being crazed for sweets.  I could not stop. I kept saying tomorrow, no cookie.  The good thing is that I won't buy anything like that in my house. So if I had it, it was out at the store and only one cookie. But those Starbuck cookies are big. Most times I'd share it with hubby. but sometimes I'd eat the whole thing myself. 
About two weeks ago I started dumping left and right.  I find that odd and couldn't really figure it out. But I figure what it is was probably that I had increased the amount of sugar I was taking in. Perhaps I was eating the WHOLE cookie myself now, not sharing with hubby and so I was getting all the sugar and I felt like crap! So after a week and a half or so of that I said I don't want to feel like this anymore. I know I shouldn't be eating this, so I decided to do something about it. Stop! It's only been a week. So I'm not bragging, just wanting to document what I've been going through and what I've done this week that seems to be working.
Last week I decided on Sunday that I have to do something to start my weightloss again. That eating cookies was not going to do it. I want to lose more weight and the way I've been going wasn't going to do it.  So I decided to try a soft food / liquid plan.  I've been having only during the day this type of menu:  Breakfast I would have either 4 oz of LF cottage cheese or Weight Control oatmeal w/soy milk. For lunch 4 oz of LF cottage cheese. 2 protein shakes a day, 1 LF yogurt and then at dinner something sensible. Meat, veggies or salad with grilled chicken.  I feel much better, I have lost about 4 pounds. I have been satisified with the amount of food, the soft foods, the liquid I've been having. I can't believe I haven't had a cookie or any almonds all week.  I did eat almonds daily also with my protein shakes and had these 100 calorie soy type snack cookies.  I cut out those three thing and am amazed at the number of calories that cuts. Over the past month or so as I talked to myself, telling myself that I needed to do something, that the way I was eating is not good, I found myself afraid to give up the foods I was eating. I was afraid that I wouldnt be able to make it through the day without more solid food, without snacks, without my cookies. But I decided last Sunday I had to try this and after making it through day one, i was like, hmmm I can do this, so went on to day two and now here it is Friday and I feel great! My clothes are already so much looser, I feel thinner and feel renewed. I hope I can keep on this track. and may God make me dump like a crazy fool if I eat a cookie! LOL I realized this week that measuring your food is a good thing. We may be able to eat more now at a year out, but that doesn't mean we have to.  I find that I am satisified with my 4 oz of cottage cheese. I don't need more than that for a lunch, I dont need a salad with meat, cheese, dressing, etc etc. which came out to a couple of cups worth in the end.  We were given a small pouch to put small amounts of things in there. And it works!!! I guess basically Im saying that this tool is here in place and it does what it's suppose to. It fits what it's suppose to and that is enough to satisfy you. At least for me it does. I know there are some who have issues with their pouch, I guess they come in all shapes and sizes. Im happy to see that mine is happy with 4 oz. So Im going to keep measuring and working at this to keep things going. I'm very excited at the thought of getting into the 170's. I was thrilled at 190's and thought it was like a dream to think I'd be 180 something. Well Im in the low 180's now and shooting for the 170s. Then the 160's here I come! OMG~!!! My hubby asks when I speak like this, where will it end? When will you be satisified? I don't know, but I know it's not now. I want to be far enough down to allow for the gain back they talk about. So 145 is sounding good to me. We shall see. But that might be too low. I guess wherever I end up is where I'll be. I'm looking forward to the next two days. The weather is to be BEAUTIFUL so Im going to be sure to take advantage of it. Think we're getting the bikes out of the basement. I want to go riding, and probably hiking/walking at a park. Too nice of a weekend to pass up. Take care!!!