Twelve weeks ago I embarked on life-changing journey. I have lost about half of my excess weight so far. I'm now wearing a misses size 14. I can see and feel the changes in my body. Most of the changes are good, the excess skin and looseness is not so great. Hopefully some of that will get better with time.

I wear a pedometer everyday, first to give me an awareness of how much a do or don't move ... second, I use it to step up my exercise if I'm not getting near 10K steps a day.

I'm looking forward to the rest of this journey.

As of today, I weight 194. That put's the total amount of weight I've lost at 59 lbs. I have 59 more to get to "Goal." This puts me at the half way mark.

It's kind of hard for me to believe that I wear a "normal" size. I went to one of my favorite consignment "boutiques" today and was able to try on several size 14 items. As a matter of a fact the store was full of size 14's! Soooo many posibilities. I bought one pair of funky slacks. I dared not stock up yet.

I can sort of see that I'm getting smaller, but it's still kind of hard to believe. The last time I was this small, was the winter and spring before I got married 30 years ago! I actually weigh more now because I'm about 4 inches taller than I was the last time I wore this size ... That's pretty crazy.

Yesterday I realized that I had entered the realm of Onderland, but I was really having a hard time getting my head around it. Today is a little better, as I wander a little deeper into Onderland.

When I got on the scale this morning .... I know, I'm being obsessive ... Anyway, when I got on the scale this morning, I have to admit that I half expected it to say that the 198 that appeared yesterday was just a fickle, figment of my imagination. So, again I took a deep breath ... then, I looked down and it said 196! Oh my goodness. I think it's real!

I think I'm beginning to believe that I'll never see the number 200 on my scale again. That is a wonderful, liberating feeling. It gives me the push to keep going. To keep making the "right" decisions for me. You see, even though I had RNY my body acts like I had a lapband. I don't have problems with dumping on sugars, carbs or fats. So, it's all about making the right choices. For me, that meant selecting Dr. Eric DeMaria w/DukeWLS to perform the RNY for me. It continues with the decisions I make daily regarding food, supplements, and exercise. I know that I'll have to continue to make the right choices ...food and exercise ... for the rest of my life to stay as far away from 200 as possible. Today, I know that I'm up for it.

I also had bought some blouses for my sister-in-law at Old Navy that were on clearance. I just hadn't sent 'em to her yet ... Well, when she get 'em they will be lightly worn. I have never been able to wear anything from Old Navy. Now I can wear their size xxl with space to spare.

Today I weighed for the first time in about a week  and realized that I was firmly standing in Onderland. Last week, the scale flirted with me, so I wasn't sure that this was the REAL thing. I could hardly believe it, so I stepped off the scale, took a deep breath and stepped back on. I was steeling myself for another false reading, to see that I really hadn't quite made it there. But no, when I stepped onto the scale again, it might as well have had a flashing light and music ... just like Disneyland's Mainstreet ..., it clearly said 198. 198! I have checked it over and over ... it still says 198.

I see the number 198.  It's one I wasn't sure I would ever see again. I have tears rolling down my face. I haven't broken 200 since my brother died almost 20 years ago ... and to be honest, that was just a minor "blip" on the radar.

My head knows that the surgery works. Now, I need to get my heart to see and feel that it's working. I need to believe that I really am getting smaller and healthier.

My too big clothes know that the surgery works...My smaller clothes sort of know that the surgery works. I see the smaller sizes of the clothes that now fit, but it's hard to believe that they fit. ...Misses size 14's I haven't worn 14's since high school.

But when I look at old photos of me and I look at me know, I'm having a little trouble seeing it. I went to a scrapbooking event last-night with people I had never met. They could see it. They couldn't believe that the old photos were photos of me. They thought it must have been an older sister. They also couldn't believe that I have to loose another 65 lbs! I do, and with this surgery, stamina and God's grace, I will.

My daughter just came home from spending the summer in CA. I'm so delighted to have her home.

I made her favorite dinner ... and one of mine. Shrimp! Mmmm. Well, my eyes were bigger than my stomach and I didn't listen when I started to get full. OMG! I felt like I had just had a huge Thanksgiving Dinner! UGH! You know that, I think I'm going to be sick ... I just need to lie down for a while feeling. I don't really want to have to deal with that again.

I really need to slow down and pay attention to my body. I know that that over time my pouch will grow ... I wonder sometimes how much ... not that I want to stretch it out. I don't want to undo what's been done. There is a part of me that worries that I will. So ... today, I resolve slow down and pay attention to how I feel when I'm eating. Those extra bites can really hurt ... literally and figuratively.