I'm making better choices and that's definitely a good thing. I took the advice of a friend and decided to look at the foods I was craving to see if they were really "my friend" or "my foe" ... of course, they weren't things I needed or that would help me get to my goal and maintain my losses, so I put them in the "foe" column and decided I didn't need to welcome enemies into my camp ... so to speak.

I'm having a very, very hard time with depression. It's not related to the WLS at all, but to other life issues. I'm hoping that those will resolve within the next couple of weeks to months.

Along with the depression, I'm experiencing one of the side effects of my depressed state ... severe, painful, constipation. I'm getting more than my 64 ounces of fluid daily. I start each meal with protien. I follow it with vegitables or fruit. Then I have carbs if there is any room left ... that doesn't happen too often. I called the nurse in my Dr's office and she said that I should continue to work on staying hydrated, I could use MyraLax and if necessary a Fleet enema. I hate having this consequence of my depression. I'm not sure how the two are related, but it seems that when I'm under significant stress my body swings to this extreme or the other. I'm going to make a run to the drugstore later and be sure to go for a long walk ... exercise seems to cure most everything ... or so I hear.

One side effect of the constipation is that my weight is up a bit. I expect that to resolve itself.

Here is my weekly weight info:

I haven't been BAD, but I've been bad. I keep making poor choices. I make good choices more than I make poor choices, but during the past 10 days or so I've made more poor choices than I did during the past 4 months. It's kind of scary knowing that I'm only a stones throw from screwing up big time. I really have to talk to myself all of the time to remember to make good choices.

I'm logging all of what I eat ... good, bad and ugly ... so I can "see" what I'm doing. I also haven't been exercising the way I know that I need to, to be successful in the long run. I'm working on it though.

I'm so afraid that I'm going to screw this up too. The choices I've been making over the last 10 days or so are part of make me afraid that I'm doomed again. The fact that I am logging my choices and am so painfully aware gives me hope that I'll right myself and make this work. I've put too much into it to quit now.

As many of you know, I attended the wedding of my favorite nephew to his beloved bride this week-end. I love weddings, but this one was special for me in many ways. Beyond the obvious ability to share this blessing, it was a personal journey for me. My family has not seen me since I had the surgery and I have weighed over 200#'s for all of my adult life. At the wedding I was down to 179 and sporting a slim size 12. I first saw my tiny, size 8 daughter-in-law-to-be Christine ... she could hardly believe it. Soon after that, my 25 yr old sons saw me "average" sized for the first time in their lives. When one of my sons hugged me, he was able to wrap his arms around me and then some. It was the first time since they have been in High School that I have weighed less than my 6 ft + sons.  Soon after that I saw my sister-in-law who has always been relatively slim and I'm slimmer than she is now. How did that happen? My mother-in-law was nearly speachless. People that I haven't seen in years didn't even recognize me until I opened my mouth and they recognized my voice. My new neice couldn't believe the change and kept saying that I not only look fantastic, but also seem to sporting a new "sassy" attitude.

Soon after we arrived at the hotel, Christine and I headed off to the reception hall and church to help decorate. We worked hard for about 6 hours or so and I was fine, not exhausted ... fine, even though I was up at 4 am for a 6 am flight.

On the night of the wedding, I danced, danced, danced .... and danced some more. I had sooo much fun. I was also able to eat "like a normal person" They had a pasta bar and a salad. I had a tiny bit of pasta and then I had salad with grilled chicken. I indulged in a single bite of chocolate cake. That was plenty. I danced so much, I'll bet that I burned off all the calories I consumed for dinner and then some.

I bought a beautiful Nippon Boutique suit for the wedding. When I bought about 3 or 4 weeks ago it was a little tight at the bust. This week-end it was just a little big. Okay, but a little big. Everyone said it looked great. I think I looked nice.

I am soooo glad I had this surgery. It has helped to change my life for the better.

I find myself in a holding pattern. I know that this is "normal", but the doesn't mean I have to like it. Everytime this happens, I feel a little flutter as I wonder if the weight loss is about to stop. My "head" knows that it is probably a normal bump in the road and that I will probably continue to lose weight, but I hate hearing the old fears creeping up in my head. I worry that I won't lose "enough" weight. I worry that I'll regain the weight that I have lost. I worry that I have not "learned" the new behaviors well enough.

I am trying to calms my fears by 

- looking at the patterns of my wieght loss and realizing that this is normal

- making good choices

- getting counseling about my issues with food and related fears and concerns