Barbara C.

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This year has been a year full of possibilities fulfilled. These are a few of the things I'm thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day ....

·         I am thankful for the health and welfare of my family, friends, and community.

·         I am so very grateful to have had the opportunity to have had this surgery which has been a gift of life-changing and life-affirming experiences.

·         I am thankful that my doctor suggested I consider WLS and that I followed that suggestion.

·         I’m thankful that my surgeon performed the surgery laparoscopically, even with the complication of the perforated colon.

·         I’m glad that I had a smooth and gentle recovery,

·         I’m thankful that I’m no longer classified as “diabetic.”

·         I’m thankful that I’ve lost more than 90 lbs.

·         I’m grateful that my husband of 30 years still thinks I’m HOT … sagging skin & all.

·         I am exceptionally grateful to have found OH and the warm, loving support of the folks on the NC board. I truly do not think that I could make this journey without the support and commitment of the friends I have made here.

·         I am thankful that my son, Christopher FINALLY asked his beloved Christine to join him in marriage.

·         I am thankful that my son, Michael has found a young lady that makes his heart sing.

·         I am thankful that my daughter, Sarah has found a surgeon that understands her very rare birth defect and how to correct it. I am also grateful that her surgeon has successfully and skillfully completed two of the many operations necessary to repair her legs.

·         I am thankful that God brought Angel into the lives of my dear sister Norma, and her loving family; he has bestowed untold joy and love on that child and her new family.

·         I am thankful that my nephew has wed the love of his life and that we were able to witness their union.

·         I am thankful that my mother’s renal failure seems to be suspended and is not getting worse.

·         I am thankful for my mother-in-law’s and father-in-law’s continued stable health.

·         I am thankful that my brothers and sister have one another.

·         I am thankful that my husband is well enough to work and has found that job that he likes and where they value him.

There are so very many things to be thankful for.

And then finally he said "WOW!!!"

I saw a friend I haven't seen since early July at the grocery store tonight. He didn't recognize me at first and when I said "Hi Art", he cocked his head a bit and his jaw dropped and then he verrryyyy slowly said "WWWooowwww!!!!!" He just stood there like he was frozen in time. I finally said "Hey! Where's my hug?" He couldn't get over it ... He knew I had had the surgery, but ....

At any rate, he went off to find his dear wife and apparently said ... You'll never guess who I just saw ... and I bet you won't recognize her either!" She hunted for me and said she was looking over every skinny woman in the store ... Finally, I came around the corner, saw her and waved hello. She audibly GASPED. I got a big hug and she said that if she hadn't known me before she would never have guessed I had ever been heavy. I don't think she saw my turkey neck ... LOL.

That was a great way to end the weekend.

It's been about 2 weeks since my last post. One the WLS front, I doing okay. I'm down to 169 today. I haven't weighed 160 anything in at least 35 years.

I'm really struggling with that mean monster "depression." It has an iron grip on me and isn't letting go. I'm hoping that it will get better soon.

I'm continuing to lose and I'm grateful for that. I'm also making more good choices than bad ones, even though I'm wrestling with this monsterous depression. That's HUGE! Last year, I would have been indulging in whatever food might make me feel better; even if only temporarily.

I saw my PCP today when I took my daughter in to see her. She hardly recognized me at first, then she was blown away by my progress. That was nice.

I have my photo on my credit card. I have had two people ask to see my ID because I don't look like my photo. I stopped in at the bank today to get a new photo, because my DL photo doesn't look like me either. I had planned to wait until I finished losing weight, but my banker said not to worry ... we'll just take another anytime I want. BTW ... He agreed, it was probably time for a new photo too.

I'm five months out now and I have lost 61 lbs since I had surgery in June. While I'd like to lose more weight, it would be okay if I never lost another pound, because I feel better than I have in decades. The biggest reason I did this was to arrest my diabetes; I've done that and I have more energy, stamina, flexibility, and strength. Generally, I think I "look" better than I did when I was packing around all that extra weight. I'm still struggling with the extra skin, but hopefully I will come to terms with that in time.

If I have any regrets about this journey, it would be that I didn't do it sooner. It has changed me in positive ways that go beyond the scale. I am taking more responsibility for me. I am taking better care of myself. I've come to realize that putting me first is not selfish, it helps me take care of others when I take care of me. I look forward to the changes that the next 5 to 7 months will bring. I'm sure that the physical changes will be more subtle than they have been so far.

I'm not "normal" yet, but I'm finally "average" for my age, height and weight! I'm wearing a size 10 pants now and I still wear a 12 or 14 in my tops. Technically, I'm still overweight, but I have to say that I look and feel more normal today than I have since I was little girl.

Physically, I feel so much better today, than I did this time last year or even this past spring. Yesterday I worked in the yard for a couple of hours. I worked hard enough to work up some heavy breathing and a sweat, but I was able to do it for a couple of hours. I would not have been able to do that 5 or 7 months ago.

I saw myself in a window last night and realized that this slimmer, more fit person is the new me. I'm taking responsibility for me in ways I never have before. I am owning up to my weaknesses and looking for ways to mitigate or steer clear of them. It's taking a while to get used to her/me this way, but I like what I see in my reflection; the physical and internal.

I look forward to eventually being "normal", but today I'm happy with being "average."

Okay I know that I've always been blessed with a full head of hair, but right now I'm shedding just like a kitty in the springtime! It's literally coming out by the handful. Yes, I get my protein in and I take my biotin.

I sure hope it slows down soon ... if not, I might have to start looking at hats or wigs LOL.

First my hair, and now my skin ... I know. I know that I "knew" this would happen, but I have to say that it's harder to actually see it happening. I've also recently gone through menopause, so I'm experiencing a lot of unpleasant changes in the texture and elasticity of my skin (or lack of it).

Dressed, I look "pretty good/normal" for the most part, but undressed or summer type clothes is different matter. I didn't really realize that all of the stretch marks would turn into "crepe paper wrinkles", but they have.

In my logical mind, I know that these are the SCARS of my OBESITY, but I didn't know how much it would bother me. I also wonder about the internal scars ... meaning the damage that I've done to my body over the past 30+ years of my obesity.

There is a part of me that is afraid to lose more, because I'm beginning to be afraid of what I'll look like. I know that I'm still early in the process and I don't want to sabotage the tool I worked hard to get ... and I certainly wouldn't trade my improved health for the lack of wrinkly, saggy skin. I guess I just wish my "scars" didn't look so bad or bother me as much as they do. Since I was a "lightweight" insurance will not cover any plastics and I'm not likely to be able to afford them on my own, so I'll need to find a way to come to terms with this.