I'm down 123 lbs from my all-time high weight of 264 lbs. I have been maintaining my weight of 142 for about 4 months.

I went to the monthly support group meeting that DukeWLS holds. I often glean bits of information that help me when I go to these meetings. This month they shared some statistics that I found both frightening and comforting. They said that in studies that look at WLS patients 10 years post op, it looks like about 10% will gain back everthing that they lost. And an additional 10% will regain a significant amount of their excess weight, so much that they no longer classify them as successful WLS patients. That is 20%!  OMG!!! That's a terrifying thought! But, there is also some comfort here. This means that there is an amazing 80% success rate. They said that the studies also seem to indicate that structural failure is now very rare, instead, the failure seems to be behavioral. This is also both frieghtening and comforting; frightening because I know that my behaviors are part of what got me into the mess I was in when I had the surgery and comforting because I know that I ultimately have control over my behavior and since my WLS I have made significant changes in choices I make in my life. 

Physically, I feel well. I have plenty of energy and my quality of life has improved immensly since last year. I am still struggling with my distress about my excess skin issues. While I don't spend every waking moment thinking about it, it is something that I find some level of distress from on a daily basis. That distress or discomfort varies, but it is there. Last week I went swimming. I have to admit to having to steal myself a bit to get into the suit and out into the pool, but I was okay with that. The thing that was harder was when I got into the pool and was swimming, I could literally feel my skin 'rippling' against the water and when I looked down, I could 'see' it. UGGHHH!!! I am uncomfortable with the excess skin I have on my neck/chin, upper arms, upper legs, abdomen and rear end ... everything else is okay ;-). I attended a support group meeting today and someone took some photos that literally took my breath away... and not in a good way. I've added them to my photos so that you can 'see' the turkey neck that I see. I guess it's just hard to see it in a photo. All this said, if I KNEW for sure that I'd have all of this excess skin in exchange for my improved health and quality of life, I'd do it again.

It's hard to believe that it's been just over a year since I had weight loss surgery. It's been an incredible journey and mostly for the better. I am slowly beginning to come to terms with the new me and the fact that the new me is not all of what I had hoped and dreamed I would be.  But, I am a work in progress ... and that's a good thing.

I had my 1 year follow-up visit at Duke and they were very pleased with my progress. I've lost 93 percent of my excess weight and to be honest, that's because my tail hurts when I sit and I have enough extra skin on my face, upper arms, thighs, abdomen, and hips that I don't want to get to 100%. The weight range that my Nut wanted me to shoot for was 145 t0 150; I now weigh somewhere between 142 and 145 most days. My HbA1C is down to 5.2, my blood pressure is great at about 100/65, I'm off that darned CPAP, and my cholesterol has dropped nearly 100 pts! I can manage the heat of the summer without melting into a puddle, I can sit in an airline and not worry about fitting in the seat or fastening the seatbelt, I can cross my legs, I paint my toenails and breathe at the same time, I can try on clothes in any store that carries normal sizes ... My quality of life has soared! I have reached and/or surpassed nearly all of the big and little goals that I set for myself when I started this journey. Overall, they and I are delighted with my progress and feel that if I continue as I am that I am likely to maintain the losses I have gained this year. I will see them again in December for a followup at 18 months.

My adult son's only know me as I was ... an obese woman. They saw me briefly this past October when we saw one another at my nephew's wedding and I was about 'halfway home' then. I was what was still significantly overweight, but a 'normal' size for a woman in the US, wearing a size 12/14. They were astonished and said I sounded like mom, but I didn't look like mom. I have sent them photos, but they haven't seen me at what my current 'normal' weight, in person ... This weight is much smaller than the 'normal' woman in the US, but is within what is considered a medically 'normal' BMI for a woman my age and height. My BMI is now 22.5 ... well within the normal range, whch starts at 25. 

Now, I am having to learn to maintain the losses ... and to be honest gains ... I've realized over the past year. I think that all too often people think that once you lose the weight it's gone, never to return. There is a part of me that is absolutely terrified that it's going to come storming or creeping back and that I'll once again regain all that I've lost. I hope that I'll be able to sustain the losses and gains that I've realized this past year.

I believe that this year will be at least as hard in the 'work' department as the past year has been, but the rewards won't be nearly as visible to me or the outside world. That will probably make it more challenging, but I'm committed to making this work for me in the long run. I think that means continuing to make myself accountable to me for what I eat and do. For me, this means logging my intake and activities ... when I do that, I honestly make better choices. I notice that when I don't I tend to slack off and make more more questionable choices when I log what I'm doing. Nobody ever really sees my logging but me, but I'm the one who counts and to whom it really makes a difference. Also being active with support groups is another thing that I have done and plan to continue to do that I think will help me with my longterm success.

The other major area for me is learning to accept myself as I am; This is probably my bigger challenge that they weight itself, but one I'm working on. I need to accept that I have had done a significant amount of damage to myself, but I've also made incredible strides to stop the damage and even correct some of it. I won't be able to corrrect it all and that will have to be okay. I just have to find a way to be okay with it and that at times is easier said than done.