When I had the surgery I was taking Byetta, Metformin and Glimperide to help me control my glucose levels. My best hbA1C was 7.6 with my fasting and post prandial numbers running in the 140's. I won't have another hbA1C until September, but my fasting and post prandial numbers are running anywhere from 90 to 105. That is success!

Another way to measure success ...Before I started this journey I wore a size 22/24. By the time I went in for surgery I was down to an 18/20W. Now I'm wearing a size 14W ... 16W's are just too big. I went out and hit the clearance racks at Ross, Marshall's and TJ Maxx. I can tell that they are going to be my haunts as I shift into smaller sizes.

I've been frustrated because I'm not losing 3 - 5 pounds a week, like many others. My loss averages about 4 lbs a week over the 6 weeks which is great, but I had a 15 lb loss in the first 10 days ... followed by a "drought". Since then, I have averaged about 2 lbs a week. I think that's about the average that they shoot for at Weight Watchers. It's probably unreasonable, but I was hoping to lose a little faster with this than I would with Weight Watchers.

On the other hand, I'm glad I'm losing. I'm glad I'm off all of my diabetic medications, I'm glad I can't wear the clothes I wore last summer or even this spring.

I was a little concerned about what I should do regarding dinner. I knew that we would be attending this wedding for a long time before the surgery. They were serving Filet Mignon or grilled chicken and I wasn't at all sure that I'd be able to handle it. My hosts were gracious and accomodating. I brought a fork tender medallion of pork tenderloin, mashed potato and fork tender carrots. My dinner was plated by the kitchen and served by the wait staff. No one else was the wiser. I was able to safely have my dinner ... it turned out that I could have had either the chicken or the filet because they were so tender, but I wasn't willing to risk it.

The wedding was lovely and the reception was wonderful. While I'm still recovering and building my endurance, I was able to dance the night fantastic ... I just had to stop now and then to literally "catch my breath." I really didn't miss not having wine, champagne, cake or the dinner. It was great to be able to go and participate.

The icing on the cake was having people comment on how "fabulous" I looked. Couldn't believe that I'd just had major surgery. Couldn't believe the changes in my face.

I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I'm so glad that I was able to go and enjoy without feeling deprived in the least.

I've had a few people tell me that I look great ... I find myself saying "Thank You" and feeling like "Yeah, but ..."

I find that I'm comparing myself and my loss (or lack of it) to how other people are doing. It could be people on the board who had their surgery the same time I did or people in my "group" at Duke. Either way, I discount what I have done in favor of what someone else has done "better."

I also worry that I'll have "done this to myself" and either not lose enough weight or lose it and gain it back.

I'm working with my counselor on this stuff. I know that I need to "get my head on straight" to make this work for me.

I need to accept

that I am actively doing what I need to do to take care of me

that I'll lose at a rate that is best for my body

that I can and will keep the lost weight off because I'm working hard at it ... not just learning how to eat, but how to exercise and live a healthier lifestyle.