After my encounter with the psycho-thearpist, I began to ask some tough questions about my current sitiuation with my weight.
How did I get this big? How did I get here? I don't remember at what time in my past did I say "I'll just purchase a larger size pair of pants or shirt" and I certainly don't remember ever choosing to be this large. Funny, I can remember the first time someone called me overweight and that was over 12 years and over 100 pounds ago. What happened? So, I've decided that maybe before I get the surgery, it may not be a bad idea to keep searching for the answer.
I was really angry at the psycho-thearpist for suggesting that my wieght might be the result of past sexual abuse. I felt that by her making this statement "she was victimizing me all over again". But, after really thinking about it, she might be correct. I am uncomfortable with the idea that if I lose weight, men might find me sexually attractive -- but on the flip side, that's exactly what I do want, " I want to be sexually attractive to my husband." In the back of my mind I feel safe "hidden" under this weight, but at the same time "I'm sufficating in fat!" I've decided to purchase some workbooks and reading material to help guide me through this issue. I don't want to see my psycho-thearpist, I'm not really fond of her. However, I do think I need some help. I know that if I get this surgery, and at the same time, not deal with "how I got here" in the first place....I might find that I won't be happy thin, and I might gain all this wieght back. I've lost this weight before, through other diets that I couldn't sustain..."atkins" etc. But, I've always managed to gain it back, plus more. Maybe I can work through some of my past issues or atleast render the past powerless over me. I don't know:::: I just know that when I look into the mirror, I'm always "shocked" by the face looking back at me -- it's not me, ..."me
" is somewhere inside, "trapped!"
Here's a list of books I purchased from amazon.com if you guys are interested:
Living a Lighter Lifestyle: A Guide to Successful Weight Loss and Maintenance Following Weight Loss Surgery
The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person
Judith S. Beck
The Success Habits of Weight-Loss Surgery Patients
Colleen M. Cook
Beck Diet Solution Weight Loss Workbook: The 6-week Plan to Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person
Judith S. Beck
The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person (CD)
Dr. Judith S. Beck Ph.D.
Weight Loss Surgery For Dummies
Marina S. Kurian, et al
This is NOT Brain Surgery...But There IS a Magic Pill! [Paperback]
Teri Kai Holtzclaw (Author)