As mentioned in my intro, I had begun the WLS process in '06, and had a surgery date of March 5th, 2007 when I was denied by my insurance.

I had been keeping a log of my progress on my old OH profile, and I don't want to lose these posts, as they chronicle a very important part of my journey to a healthier self: the beginning.  There's still lots to tell of the past year (including the introduction of my daughter, who's almost 15 months old) and of the journey to come, but for now, here's where I've been:

5/23/06 Introduction:

Hi. :) I'm Erin, a 28 year old chica who's *very* early into her WLS journey. As of now, I'm pretty much just weighing (ha!) my options -- I spoke with my PCP yesterday and she's making the referral for me to meet with Dr. Roy Cobean at the Bariatric Center here in Portland, ME. My good friend just had lap RNY surgery done with him a little over a week ago, and -- while still having ups and downs -- has had good things to say about him and his work.

I know I need to do something about my weight: I'm 5'4'' and weigh somewhere around 275 (I'm a bit scale avoidant right now), putting me into the "extremely obese" category. *Sigh* I'm just not sure yet what that 'something' is.

Beyond being incredibly uncomfortable with how I look, I'm also very unhappy with how I *feel*. I am a mom to a toddler son -- a VERY VERY active toddler son, and I just can't keep up. It's devastating. Plus, it's extremely important to me to help him develop a good and healthy relationship to food, and that's just not going to happen if I continue to eat the way I do in his presence. I've been fat my entire adult life, and most of my childhood/adolescence. I make poor choices, eat irregularly, eat emotionally, and no sense of portion control. :( Every 'diet' or eating plan I've tried has worked for a while, and then failed -- my willpower breaks down longterm.

Right now, I'm debating between lapband and RNY (lap). I like the finality and results that RNY offers, but way prefer the lower risk that the lapband comes with. Of course, I'm juuuust starting out, so I haven't really begun researching yet. Things may change.

So who am I beyond weight and WLS?? I'm a mom (to James, born 2.12.05), I'm a partner (to J, also 28), I'm a part-time worker-bee (my title is "Network Specialist"... I work in various capacities with agencies/schools/entities all over my state who work with substance using young people), I'm an avid supporter of adoption (it's how my family was formed!), and I'm a total research hound.

Welcome to my journey -- let's hope it's a clear and fortuitous one.


5/25/06 Waiting...

I changed my profile from 'learning about surgery' to 'hoping to have surgery' today. The more I learn about WLS, the more I look at before and after photos... I'm just begining to really WANT this.

Up until today, I've been mostly just obsessed over the risks WLS carries with it. I'm terrified I may be making a horrible or hasty decision... I don't want to throw a blood clot and die. I don't want to have my insides leak. I don't want to vomit every day or have to go in for tons of follow up surgeries. I guess reading pages and pages of the 'complications' and 'regrets' forums doesn't really help these fears, eh?

Today though, I let myself wonder about what it'd be like to be thin... to wear hot boots or to fit into a single digit size or one that doesn't begin with X. I eyed a sweater this morning while shopping, immediately realized that it was WAY too small for me, and almost put it back.... but then, THEN I tried to imagine my body being that small (it was a medium, I think) and I couldn't do it.
The idea of walking into a store and being able to try on anything I want is just mindblowing.

I thought about not avoiding having my picture taken... I have so few pictures of my kiddo and I because I hate how I look in them. I thought about how nice it would be ride ON the carousel horse with James instead of standing beside it next time we're in NYC. I thought about his future soccer or tee ball games, and how fabulous it'd be not to be the 'fat mom' in a sea of active, thin moms. I thought about having small boobs! OMG... I'd kill for small boobs. C cup, B cup, A cup... I promise I won't complain.

I've just NEVER been an 'average' weight. I don't even remember the last time the scale showed a "1" as the first digit -- but it was probably when I was 13 or 14. As an adult, my lowest weight was probably 215/220ish. I look at the before and after pictures and I think... Wow... these people don't even LOOK like their pre-WLS selves! How weird must that be -- to look completely different in just five or six months...?? What would I look like? Would I like that Erin? The Erin After?

I hope so. We'll see, I guess....

Off to begin my weight loss history letter to my PCP. OOHHH! And my friend? The one who had her RNY ten days ago? She went in for her first post-op appointment yesterday and has already lost 14 pounds!! How flipping awesome is that?! GO Kelley!!!!!!

xo


6/1/06 Letter's done!

I hadn't really heard much from my PCP's office about my referral, so I called Tuesday to find that they're still working on it. Apparently the bariatric center requires quite a bit of information! Anyway, I had initially offered to write a letter to my PCP detailing my weight loss history, but she hadn't really indicated that she'd need it, so I put it on the back burner.

So -- fast forward to yesterday and I get a phone message from the nurse who works with my PCP saying they're just waiting on me to give them the info on my weight loss history so they can finish their referral. *sigh* It's all good though.. I should have figured they'd definitely need it.. I just wish they'd have been clearer.

Anyway, I wrote my letter this morning and thought I'd copy it here, in case it helps anyone else along their journey.

Dear Dr. Sxxxxxxx,

As you know, I’ve been a patient of yours for over 20 years, and for most of those 20+ years I’ve been overweight. For my entire adult life, I’ve been clinically obese. I’ve made numerous attempts at weight loss but I’ve yet to be successful with maintaining a healthy weight long-term. Therefore I’m writing you this letter to aid in your referral of me for a bariatric surgery consultation.

At 5’4’’ I currently weigh 272 pounds, with a BMI of 46.6 (or Extremely Obese). My weight has caused me to have irregular, cystic and painful menses, be insulin resistant and to have pain in my knees and lower back. My current weight also affects my energy level and self-image. Most upsettingly, being 130+ pounds over a healthy weight forces me to be more of a ‘sidelines’ kind of parent to my toddler – and being an active, fit mom who teaches and models a healthy relationship to food is by FAR the most important reason I want to consider gastric bypass surgery. Additionally, almost half of my maternal relatives are obese and suffer from a variety of weight-related disorders, including type 2 diabetes, thyroid conditions, heart disease, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I see much of the same in my future without a serious intervention.

I have tired to lose weight, but all attempts have proven unsuccessful with the long term weight loss I need to be healthy. I have tried the diets / plans listed below, and will describe how long I tried them and what my results were:

• Various attempts to “eat healthy” – off an on, a few weeks to months over the past 5 years – usually losing between 5 and 15 pounds before getting discouraged and quitting
• Weight Watchers – six weeks, 10 pounds lost
• GI diet – 2 months, 8-10 pounds lost
• Diabetes diet recommended for PCOS patients w/ exercise – six months, 45 pounds lost
• Curves exercise with amended Curves eating plan – 2 months, 15 pounds lost
• No sugar / no white flour – 2 months, 15 pounds lost

As noted above, I did manage to lose about 45 pounds over six months from January to July 2004, and maintain a weight of about 230 pounds for an additional six months in fall/winter ’04 into early ’05, but the arrival of my son (through adoption) led to a decreased activity level and increase reliance on quick convenience foods. Over the last year my weight has crept up again to my current weight of 272, and I’ve regained all but five pounds from my highest known weight of 277.

I’ve researched gastric bypass surgery extensively over the last few months, and feel I would make a good candidate. I’ve learned that statistically it’s very difficult for people with over 100 pounds to lose their extra weight without weight loss surgery and then maintain that weight loss long-term. I see WLS not as a ‘quick fix’, but as a tool to be used to significantly better my chances of long-term weight loss and an overall healthier self. I am also aware of the risks involved with a surgical procedure and will commit to eating healthier and exercising before surgery and to following the food and exercise plan of my surgeon post-operatively to reduce whatever risks and complications I can.

Thank you, Dr. Sxxxxxxxx, for agreeing to refer me to Dr. Cobean, and please let me know if you need anything else from me as you begin your letter. If it’s helpful I can also email you this letter as a word document, just say the word!

Best – Erin Before

Have I missed anything? I hope not.

I'll leave you with a few pictures of my biggest inspiration for weight loss surgery.. my baby James, on his first beach trip of the season!




6/6/06 call from my PCP...

Just a quick note to say that my PCP's office called to let me know that my Dr. has dictated her letter and that the whole referral packet would be sent out to the Bariactric Surgery Center (BSC) by the end of the week. Yayay!

Tonight, I'm going to the support group the BSC offers with my friend (and recent post-op RNYer) Kelley. Should be interesting!


6/13/06 Plodding along...

I made a bunch of WLS-related calls this morning: one to the Bariatric Surgery Center to make sure they received the referral from my PCP (they did, and said I should receive my inital info packet and forms any day), one to Mainecare to see what I had to do to ensure they'd cover the surgery and one to my PCP after Mainecare told me to get in touch with them to have my PCP send a second letter of medical need to Mainecare's prior authorization unit.

Whew!

Apparently, my obsessive compulsive "detail-oriented" personality will get me far in this long process. :)

Annnyway... so, I did make it to the support group the BSC puts on twice a month last Tuesday. It was interesting, and inspiring to see other people who've struggled with weightloss having great results post-surgery. I went with my friend Kelley (who's down 31 pounds! Yay!), and we got talking to a woman (D.) who had her RNY in February after the meeting ended. D. and I had the most surreal exchange ever:

D (turning to me): So you're having it (WLS) too?
me: Yeah, I'm getting my referral.
D (looking me up and down): I don't think you're going to qualify.
me (sputtering): Uhhh.. what? Why?
me (defiantly): I weigh 270! My BMI is like 46!!
D: Wow, you carry your weight well..
me: ? Thanks?

I have NEVER, EVER whipped out my actual weight so quickly in conversation, nor have I ever had to convince someone I was actually fat!! LOL. I was telling friends about this afterwards at home and I kept cracking up..

It did make me feel a little awkward though... like the thin-without-effort folks I know won't "get it" about me having surgery, and that the chunkier-than-me folks having WLS won't necessarily think I need it either.

I totally qualify, and after MUCH self-reflection I definitely think this is the right path for me, but it's strange to think that I may get comments from both sides about my appropriateness for WLS.

We'll see I guess... time to stop thinking about that and go back to worrying about the logistics of Ins. approval, paperwork for my first consult, etc etc....


6/16/06 Got my info packet!

Yesterday I received my info packet and completed the online patient registration and health history the BSC asked me to fill out.

Yay! Now I wait to get a date for my initial appointment... let's hope it's soon.


6/27/06 woohoo!

So, I received all my paperwork on Saturday (6/24) and I finally have a first surgery consultation date planned. Two dates, actually: 9/12 and 9/20.

On the 12th I'll be meeting with my surgeon (Dr. Roy Cobean) and attending an informational seminar. On the 20th I'll meet with the nutritionist and the social worker.

Things are moving... which is awesome. Till then, I'm hoping to start making some lifestyle changes including upping my water intake (I never drink water intentionally now...) and food journaling. I'm also going to aim for exercising more regularly.

I'm hoping for a surgery date in December, which may be very optomistic/naive... but the idea of starting '07 on the loosing side is very appealing. It's more likely my date will be in early '07... but hey, you never know!

Hope everyone reading this is doing well. xo


8/31/06 long time gone....

Wow. Tomorrow is Spetember 1st.

When I first got my consult date back in June, September seemed forever away... safely far enough away that I didn't have to really think about it at all. I had spent all of June wondering and worrying about when I'd be scheduled, and when I got my date I thought: Woo! I can eat whatever I want all summer! (And that kind of thinking is why I'm having surgery folks.)

And what a summer it's been. It's been two months of one big Last Meal. I've had the fried dough, the ice cream, the BBQed burgers and potato salad. I've drank my weight in icy cups of diet soda. And while I really don't regert one bite of all I've eaten this summer, it's time to buckle down and get serious about starting this journey.

Tomorrow I'm going to start food journaling. I'm not going to promise to be perfect with my eating, but I'm at least going to be accountable to what I put in my body. I'm also going to work on eating slower and at the table only. Lastly, I'm going to try and cut back on my diet soda addiction and get in all 64 ounces of water a day. Should be interesting!

I'm also going to call my surgeon's office today and see if they can reccommend a therapist that's well versed in food issues and not anti-surgery. I'm realizing that having someone in that therapist's role to hash things out with could only be a good thing.

I weighed myself this morning and was 268, which is four pounds down from what I was at the start of this summer. :) My friend Kelley, who had RNY in May has almost caught up to my weight (having lost a zillion pounds -- around 80 -- in three and a half months!) In fact, since K is taller than I am, our BMI's are almost identical now. She's been a HUGE inspiration for me, and seeing her navigate the interesting world of being an early post-op has been both encouraging and a huge reality check.

Whoever says that this is taking the 'easy way out' is, frankly, full of shit.

So, yes: therapist. journaling. slower and more intentional eating. bye bye soda. hello consult!

See you all soon, same bat-time, same bat-channel.


8/31/06 oh what the hell.

Two recent pics of the cutest member of my family, just because I can!


Taken just after his first haircut... *sniffle* SO BIG.


At least someone is naturally athletic... :) (Though being pulled behind a bike while relaxing isn't exactly strenuous... even for me!)