I get stuck in this frame of mind sometimes - about how hard life is as a post-op - when all I can think about are the negatives.  "Look at this disgusting pile of skin.  What was the point of losing all the weight if I'm still going to look like a shar-pei.",  "I swear, if I have to swallow one more horse-pill vitamin, I'm going to ralph.", "Pretty soon there is going to be more hair in the sink and in my brush than on my head.", "All of my friends, even my skinny friends, can have ice cream now and then without getting sick.  This is ridiculously unfair."  It is addicting to be so negative and self-perpetuating.  So, I'm trying to look at the bigger picture here.

Does losing 100+ pounds leave a person with slabs of excess skin?  Yes.  Does having RNY mean a person has to eat healthier if they expect to lose and keep weight off?  Absolutely.  Will keeping the weight off always take a concerted effort to one degree or another, even for people who have had weight loss surgery?  Well, duh.  If a person elects to have or needs plastic surgery to remove those aforementioned slabs of skin, will they have visible scars?  More than likely.  Does having weight loss surgery come with risks like vitamin deficiencies, strictures, dumping, band slippage, hair loss and even death?  Unfortunately, yes.  Does having weight loss surgery, any kind, mean that a person will never be able to pig out again?  YES.

But let me count the ways in which having weight loss surgery makes my life better on a day-to-day basis...

I wake up in the morning feeling rested because sleep apnea did not disturb my slumber (1).  Facing the day is exciting or at least not exhausting (2).  When I roll out of bed I look down to see my feet.  A sight unseen for years before my RNY (3).   I go to the bathroom and am able to sit on my toilet seat without worrying about breaking it (4).  I can adequately clean myself because wiping is no longer an exercise in contortionism (5).  I shower, fully able to wash all parts of myself (6) and am able to go through the rest of my "get ready" routine without needing a break to sit down and rest (7).  I go to my room to get dressed, where I find a closet full of clothes that don't just fit me, but look good on me and make me feel good about myself (8).  I look at my body in the mirror and see the hanging skin and scars from various abdominal surgeries - four surgeries in total since my bypass - but also in the mirror I see cheek bones and collar bones and a cute shape (9).  Once dressed, I look in the mirror and see someone I can respect, someone you might never guess once weighed over 300 pounds (10).  

It's time for breakfast.  In the kitchen I prepare a latte (non fat and sugar free) and appreciate every drop of it, and with it I take my first multi vitamin, B vitamins and calcium supplements - something I should have done pre-op, but never had the motivation to (11).  I slip my shoes on easily, and bending to tie the laces doesn't leave me winded (12).  I grab my back-pack and head out the door, on my way to class...

With ease I descend the stairs (13) and slide into my car seat without thinking twice about how easily I fit in the seat and behind the steering wheel (14) then I buckle my regular person seat belt, without needing an extender (15).

Once at school I can park anywhere I can find a space instead of circling the lots for half an hour waiting for the spot closest to the buildings because walking doesn't bother me anymore (16).  Once inside the Student Center on my college campus, I head to the computer lab to print off a paper due that morning.  I comfortably and easily drop into the chair in front of the computer, not worrying about the durability of it (17).  Then I rush off to class a few building away - I arrive with time to spare and not winded (18).  Once in the classroom I slide into a desk/chair combo thing, with room for my butt and belly to spare (19).  I get my notebook and pen out, and cross my legs (20) to settle in for lecture.

After my first class I hike half way across campus to my next class (I have 8 minutes) I make it there in 3 minutes (21).  Before I lost the weight I not only would have had a hard time making it, but I would probably not have scheduled classes in different buildings back to back, so you can add the ease of making a class schedule, because now I am confident of being able to get to wherever I need to on campus in less than 8 minutes, to my list (22).  I have one more class and then it is time for lunch.

As I go through the school's cafeteria I don't feel like people are judging me because I am so big, something that used to intimidate me out of getting food on campus before (23).  I get my tray and go sit with some friends for lunch - at whatever table, with whatever kinds of chairs they want (24) - and I am easily able to make my way through the maze of other tables (25) without even really thinking about it.  With just a chicken taco I am satisfied, making my lunch pretty darn cheap (26).  

After lunch I find a quiet corner to read in before my next class.  See, there are several easy chairs clustered around the Student Center, none of them built for bulky people, but I can curl up in any of them comfortably now (27).

When it is about time for my next class, I head for the next building, my class is on the 3rd floor.  I used to leave super early so I could take the elevator, but now the 3 flights of stairs hardly make me winded anymore (28).  In class we have a group activity, where I am paired with 2 people I don't know.  Activities like this used to make me sweat, but now it is no big deal because I don't feel like they pre-judged me based on my weight and I respect myself enough to fully participate with them (29).

Once I'm done with classes for the day, I reach into my backback and pull out my next feeding - some beef jerky and a cheese stick - and munch on it while I walk to the gym on my campus.  I change for a good workout.  Pre-op, I would not have dreamt of going to the gym because I was too self concious (30) not to mention out of shape, which was partially because I was afraid to go to the gym for fear of the ridicule.  I know my way around the place, so 45 minutes later I am feeling the "after-workout-euphoria" as I head to the showers.  I am so proud of myself. (31)

It is time to go grocery shopping, before my husband is done with work.  At Wal-Mart I shop the permiter of the store - fresh fruits and veggies, lean meats, good ol' Wisconsin cheese and other dairy products, and then I move to the aisles to get a few things.  I think about and scrutinize the nutrition label of every item that goes in my cart, something I never would have thought about pre-op (32).  You'll find some treats at my apartment, but mostly it is good-for-you-grub.  My 45 minute shopping trip, walking all around the store, doesn't phase me (33). 

Yay!  Hubby is done with work!  Kyle helps me load the groceries into the car, and then it is home for a nice evening.  After we've got all of the groceries put away, it is time to relax.  I take my iron and second multivitamin of the day.  Kyle wants to watch a movie.  So we take a stroll down to the grocery store that has movies to rent, about 3 blocks away.  We don't have to move the car, because walking 3 blocks there and back just isn't a big deal anymore (34).  We settle in on the couch, where I curl up in Kyle's lap, and he can still breathe (35).  I can't even tell you how much pleasure I get out of being able to sit in Kyle's lap without worrying that I'm squishing him.  

The night passes and I almost forget about dinner because food just isn't the light of my life anymore (36).  I have learned to make a couple meals ahead of time, for easy access throughout the week, so in the fridge we have several healthy things to choose from.  By making things ahead of time that are easy to heat up, we don't end up eating out of a can or a drive-thru (37)

After dinner it is time to straighten the apartment - dishes, laundry, vaccuming and sweeping - and doing these things I can bend, kneel, walk, stand, and do a thorough job without needing a break (38).  

The busy day is done so it is time to be off to bed...where I could tally up all the positives of going to bed with my husband at 130 pounds instead of 293 pounds (39-100) ...but I'll just leave that to readership imagination .  I fall asleep tired because I actually DID something with my day, instead of being exhausted from just lugging myself around.  You get the point.

Now, I have just listed the little things that happen on a day-to-day basis.  This does not include things like being able to fit in an airplane seat and comfortably buckel an unextended seat belt, or being curred of co-morbities like diabetes or riding a roller coaster for the first time in my adult life because I can fit finally or shopping in normal sized clothing stores.  When you stack all of this up against some of the tough stuff that comes with being a post-op - excess skin, dumping, hair loss, minor complications, having to take vitamins - it is easy for me to say it is worth it.  I hope that makes sense.