I am braving my mom's dial-up connection to give an update and a "shout out" to my favorite folks.  

On Wednesday I had the corrective surgery I needed and it was (as far as we can tell for now) successful.  While my surgeon had me opened up he doubled checked pretty much everything with a scope.  My pouch looks good, all the old connections made with my original RNY look good (no strictures or stretching) and I am ulcer free.  The surgery was done lap (5 inscisions) and it took about 1.5 - 2 hours.  I stayed in the hospital (in the pediatric ward, where I stayed back in August for a week - and I wouldn't have it any other way since the best nurses are in peds) until Friday afternoon.  Katy visited me on Wednesday evening and my husband was able to stay over with me from Wednesday night until Thursday afternoon.  I wasn't alone for long, my mom, my older sister and my nephew were there Thursday night and Friday until it was time to go home.  Since I was in pediatrics my 2 year old nephew had a blast playing in the play room on my floor.  He is such a goon.  They told him where I was "Aunt Amy is at the doctor to get her owie fixed" and if you asked him where my owie is he would lift up his shirt to show you.  He went to church on Wednesday night for our community Thanksgiving service and he told lots of people that "Aunt Amy is at the doctor, owie".  I am so proud.  Anyway, when it was time to go to the hotel Thursday night (my mom and sister stayed over in a hotel in La Crosse to take full advantage of Black Friday in the bigger city) Sam was truly more disappointed to be leaving the play area than me, which is okay.  

Overall it was a good hospital stay.  I slept well and a lot and even managed to read a book that I have to do a report on for my Adolescent Psychology class next week.  I was advanced to clear liquids on Thursday (happy Thanksgiving to me!) and on Friday I started with mushy food and the meal before I left was a chicken quesadilla - so I got to go home on a "regular bariatric diet). 

Since I've been home I've done a lot of sleeping, walking and drinking.  I'm staying with my mom and sisters so I am spoiled rotten.  The most painful thing so far has been the inscision in my belly button.  This is the 4th inscision there and I think the scar tissue is making healing a little tricky.  I am also very swollen so my jeans don't fit.  We're not liking that, but it gave me an excuse to go shopping.  I got some sweat pants and a hoodie to match so I'll be comfortable when I go back to school on Wednesday.  I tend to dress professionally for school since my weight loss - usually a collared shirt or a sweater and nice jeans or slacks - with the occasional well-fitting sweat shirt.  Most of my classmates are a lot less professional so it isn't as if I won't fit in - it is just not what I'm used to or prefer.  I spent 19 years hiding in over-sized sweat shirts/pants and I'm not thrilled about spending more time in them. But ya do what ya gotta do and right now jeans are painful so sweats are what I've gotta do.

I have been so encouraged by you guys!  Kyle read me your responses over the phone (he is working and staying at our apartment - about an hour away) and it just makes me want to cry.  I really appreciated all of the thoughts and prayers.

The one bad thing the past couple of days is completely unrelated to my surgery.  My family dog, Delilah, is a 13 year old Pomeranian.  A while ago she had to have 10 teeth removed and she hasn't been the same since.  She has been really lethargic and withdrawn.  She has also started having this terrible cough, and she'll get fits of coughing that completely wear her out.  Friday night I picked her up (which is a no no since she is 2 pounds over my 10 pound lifting limit - but she was so pitiful I couldn't resist) and noticed a big open sore on her neck.  We called the vet and the vet told us to clean it and bring her in on Monday.  Since her teeth removal we've been giving her antibiotics and pain meds - so we gave her those and then I cuddled with her for a while before setting her down.  She walked about 2 steps, coughed and then had a seizure.  This was about 11pm - my mom imediately called the emergency vet number and they rushed her in.  The vet checked her out - drained the absess (sp?) on her neck and sent her home.  Her diagnosis - she's old.  So we now have to seriously consider putting our baby down.  On Sunday night a similar thing happened and it breaks my heart.  She has been comfortably resting today and her cough has been better since the vet drained her absess, but we're not sure how long it'll last.  So prayers for Delilah would be appreciated.  I don't think I could handle it at this moment if we had to put her down - but I also can't stand the thought of her suffering.  

I had an appointment with Dr. Baker yesterday (Monday) and everything looks good.  Dr. Baker was 85% sure that the surgery would be the trick, but there's still a small chance I will need to have my excluded stomach removed if it doesn't start contracting again.  I have the all clear to clamp my tube for periods of time to see how things go.  Hopefully I don't have any pain or discomfort and that will mean my body is learning to do its job again.  I go back to see Dr. Baker next Monday for some tests down in radiology with Dr. Fondel.  I am a regular down in radiology.  I would like to not be anymore, so hopefully this will be one of my last visits to see Dr. Fondel.

Today (Tuesday) I am resting at home with my husband and just taking it easy.  I am still swollen and sore so I'm taking pain meds pretty regularly to stay comfortable.  I hope to go back to school tomorrow, but we'll have to see.

Thanks again for all the uplifting thoughts, prayers and messages!  I love you guys!

In case anyone was interested, I am still a chronic procrastinator (as demonstrated by my posting this with a half written International Relations paper minimized, safely out of sight, but unfortunately still due tomorrow) and I don't see myself in recovery anytime soon.  This one isn't as bad as others seeing as I have been doing the research for a couple weeks now by reading several books about Wal-Mart (be impressed - I'd bet most of my classmates relied on academic journal articles and other shorter sources for their research).  My topic is "International Wal-Mart:  Robin Hood or Scrooge" and it was a much bigger topic than I imagined.  First, there isn't a whole lot of readily avaliable data on Wal-Mart, in the US or overseas Wal-Mart is a hush-hush establishment, which says something in and of itself.  Second, narrowing down such a far reaching topic into something that will fit in 8-10 pages of double spaced, 12-point font is quite a task.  Once I found the data I needed it has been a matter of gleaning the important information and putting aside the chaff.  I have done more research and hours of reading for this project than almost any other I've dealt with (with the exception of my obesity paper last year and a paper I wrote about the No Child Left Behind Act for my Introduction to Goverment class as a freshman in college trying to impress a cute Poli Sci prof).  This is a break in work that has been constant since around 9pm this evening.  I'd say that after 3 straight hours I deserve a break.

Not to mention the fact that I'm getting ready for major surgery on Wednesday or anything - but I am.  Wednesday, November 21st is the day and that means everything due that day has to get done by tomorrow so I can slip into an anethisic sleep knowing my grades and obligations are safely satisfied for another day.  I plan on trying to read several books while "out of commission" but we'll see how compatible my reading list is with narcotic pain medication and recovery in general.  

It has been a painful day - starting out in the car ride to my campus this morning.  Thankfully my husband was driving so I didn't have to wait to take pain meds.  It is always better to take something right away so I can get on top of the pain before it gets too terrible.  See, I have taken to panic attacks since May.  My life got a little stressful with this whole thing and uncontrollable pain - especially now that I know the pain is caused by my major artery being choked off, and as a result my major organs are being starved of blood so the pain means, in effect, that my organs are potentially dying - takes away my ability to logically assess and deal with situations.  Instead I about hyperventilate and end up taking an alzoprosalam, which is a medication to treat panic attacks with the philosophy of "You can't panic if you are unconcious".  With the deadlines I operate under I can't afford to be unconcious when I need to be in class (and more than need some days is "want") so instead I pop a lortab and life got cheerier soon.

I have been wanting to invite some friends over for dinner at my apartment for some time now and my leaving Tuesday for surgery on Wednesday seemed to create a wonderful opportunity today (Monday) for a small social gathering.  My friends Jen and Vicky joined me for fondue.  Yes, I know there are hazards caused by the hot oil both saftey wise and calorically, however I was willing to risk it.  We even "fondue-ed" a battered twinkie.  It was a very good time where I coined the phrase to my gastronomically-cautious friend to  "Don't look at it, just eat it".  But alas, I had to kick my company out around 8:30 to begin my final work on my International Relations paper.

That paper is still sitting there - minimized - however it is 2 paragraphs longer than when I started this post.  I do so much better when I have several things going on at once.  I get bored and it is as easy as switching programs to re-interest myself in the computer screen.  Unforunately that has lead to 4-6 items being que-ed up on my task bar including spider solitaire and a document listing of items, as they occur to me, that I need to pack for my hospital stay.

Speaking of hospital stays - anyone wanna visit me?  I don't know what my surgery time will be on Wednesday, but I imagine I'll be out of the OR by 1-2pm, and easily in recovery and coherent by 5pm.  I might be dead wrong - but let's try to remain optimistic.  In case any OH-ers are in the La Crosse, Wisconsin area over the Thanksgiving holiday I expect to be a patient at Gundersen until Friday - maybe even Saturday and I like visitors.  Call me if you want to stop by.  I will accept calls placed to the hospital for me (I already signed that paper giving my consent).  I know Katy is coming to visit me on Wednesday afternoon sometime (which I am excited about) but after that I will be lonely.  Unfortunately my family has obligations at our community Thanksgiving service Wednesday night so I will be alone after they and Katy leave.  DH has to work Wednesday, Thursday and Friday - so he might not get to visit me at all.  There is nothing wrong with a little time alone in the hospital, however the second to last time I was admitted there I had a terrible reaction to droperidal that caused me to hallucinate and feel creepy crawly - it would have been comforting to have another person there with me when that happened because I honestly thought I was dying.  I am a little skittish about being admitted and staying alone for most of my stay there because of that occasion and a fear of a repeat.  That was probably one of the worst nights of my life.  Anywho - all that to say - visitors welcome!

And now for the part everybody loves - if I should die in surgery - I want everyone to know that my post-op life was worth it to me.  It stops being worth it when bypass causes me to break my mom's heart.  The thought of dying because of RNY raises a knot in my throat not because I fearful of death (given the option I would much rather live for 60+ more years) but because I never want to make my mom cry.  But I'm going to be fine and home by Saturday, so we probably won't have to worry about this.

I will have Kyle post updates as they come - both here and on the main board.  But this is my official TTFN because I don't think I'll have time to stop by tomorrow.  Prayers are appreciated!  Now off to finish my paper...

 I turned 2 on this past Friday (November 16th).  Here are the pictures to prove it!


Summer 2005 - weight unknown - 300+ estimate


Pre-op at my heaviest known - 293 pounds - October 2005



Day of surgery - 11/16/2005 - 286 pounds


One Month Post-op - 12/2005


4 months post-op 


6 Months post-op - 5/2006


9 Months post-op - 8/2006 - At about 170 pounds (120 pounds down)


One Year Post-op - 12/2006 - at 165 pounds


15 Months post-op - 3/2007 - at 160 pounds


18 months post-op


22 months post-op


2 years post-op 


2 years post-op


2 years post-op at 130 pounds - 153 pounds down!



So how is that?  Pretty magnificent if you ask me.  I'll take it

Well, then here you go.  This is a picture I had Kyle take of it a few days ago - believe it or not it is actually in pretty good shape in this pic...

I forgot for a while that I am hypoglycemic.  It is funny how SMA made every other medical thing seem small, but last night I was reminded big time that I still need to be careful.  I had a carby day - 160 grams total, which is high for me, but not terrible, however to make it worse I didn't have nearly enough protien to balance that out.  Kyle picked me up after he was done with work (around 10:30ish) and after I had too many peanut M&M's (yes, I know, M&M's are my new vice).  By the time we got home I knew things were going badly - my blood sugar was in the lower 50's.  As soon as we got in the apartment I started cooking, but in the meantime I started to sweat and shake - check my blood sugar again and it is 38.  So I turned off the oven and went straight for my pepperoni, provalone cheese and crackers.  I panicked and ate too many and too fast.  I HATE it when that happens.  When I start having hypoglycemic reactions it is scary and too easy to panic - which I did.  After eating too much I had to go vomit - which was a blast - then I passed out (literally) on the couch for 3 hours.  I told Kyle to check on me every once in a while and make sure I was still breathing.  When I woke up I felt weak but better.  That'll teach me.  

Otherwise I'm hanging in there.  Well, most of the time it is better than "hanging in there".  I basically have 2-3 days a week that are painful, and even then it only lasts 4-6 hours.  Last night I rolled over on my bulb and ended up with soaked PJ's and nasty sheets, but that was the first time in a while that's happened.  My surgery is a week from tomorrow (the 21st), so I think that lortab should get me through until then.

My family has decided (for my sake) to have Thanksgiving this Saturday.  I'll be in the hospital for real Thanksgiving, so they're making sure I can participate.  My family is the best.  We're having cornish game hens (YUM!) by my special request.  Other than that I think the menu includes pickle rolls, deviled eggs, mashed potatoes, carrots in cognito (basically a mashed carrot and potato concoction that some people in my family really like), stuffing, corn, either sweet potatoes or yams, crossent rolls (my little sister's fav) and some kind of sparkling juice (usually grape).  My grandma does a wonderful spread every year.  The hugeness of the meal doesn't mean as much to me anymore, but I sure do enjoy having a couple bites of everything I like (I'm not a carrot in cognito or sweet potato girl - but everything else is good).  It is special that Thanksgiving gets to be about people and fellowship and working together to create a really nice meal rather than stuffing my face and passing out later on.  Food can be good without tons of it - and quality time means more than a hurried feast.  

I'll just have to be sure to balance out the mashed potatoes and stuffing with cornish hen (did I mention I LOVE cornish hen?) so we don't have any hypoglycemic reactions.  TTFN - That's all for now

As promised....

We left a few hours later than we would have liked to on Thursday night (around 7pm) because I had an appointment with my counselor that ran a lot over and Kyle and I weren't as packed as we thought we were.  But none the less we made good time and even managed to get a few hours sleep as we took turns driving.  I drove first, but had to take pain meds around 2:30am and that puts me out of comission for at least 4 hours (probably should be more like 6-8 but who's counting).  

We got to Ohio (actually West Virginia - where Kyle's dad lives) after driving all night, at around 8 am and got our first chance to meet Kyle's dad's fiance`, Brenda.  Did I mention the purpose for the Ohio excursion?  Well, how impolite of me.  My brother-in-law and my father-in-law were getting married (not to one another) last Saturday.  My brother-in-law was actually already married to his wife, Jenny, but they just had a little justice of the peace thing before he set off for Iraq so this last Saturday (November 3rd) was their chance to have a real ceremony and a reception.  

My father-in-law and my mother-in-law got divorced the April before my husband and I got married (April of 2006) after they had been married for 25 years.  My mother-in-law got re-married this past May (May 2007), which doing the math, is just over a year after her divorce.  The issues surrounding the divorce are seedy and complicated - and honestly it probably was a long time coming.  However, neither Kyle nor I thought either of his parents were completely over it - definately not over it enough to get remarried!  But we do like their repective new spouses so hopefully everything works out.

Anyway, we met Brenda at Perkins where we found out she is twice widowed and has lost 2 of her 3 sons.  She is also studying to be a pastor in the Church of God.  Small talk and getting acquainted was fun and all but Kyle and I were all too happy to get to Brenda's house where we could crash for a few hours.  

We got to sleep for about 3 hours before we woke up and tried to make ourselves presentable enough to go to both Mike's (Kyle's bro) and Jeff's (Kyle's dad) rehersals.  Oh, and did I mention Kyle did all of the music for Jeff's wedding and I had to sing?  Yeah.  Anyway, The first rehersal was Mike's over at a church in Steubenville, Ohio.  Of course Jeff and Mike couldn't have their ceremonies at the same place...oh no...that would make way too much sense and make it far too easy on everyone.  Everything went well enough - though it was kind of chaotic with 7 attendants on each side not to mention 2 child attendants and several sets of parents (Jenny's parents are divorces and re-married - plus Jeff makes 5 parents and my MIL wasn't even there yet with her new hubby) Jeff's rehersal was much more mellow over at a church in Wheeling, West Virginia.  Kyle and I got our music together well enough, so when it came time to finally go to our hotel for the night we could relax.  But not soon enough.  Kyle realized he had forgotten to pack a dress outfit for his dad's wedding (he is in his brother's wedding party, so he just assumed he could wear his rented tux for his dad's wedding - however the tux was white, so it wouldn't have fit very well) and I realized I forgot to pack my strapless bra, and trust me I needed a strapless bra for my outfit - so thankfully Wal-Mart Supercenters are everywhere, even West Virginia.  After our shopping excusion we got to finally relax.  I had a rough night pain-wise, probably from not getting to eat or drink as much as I needed to and being sleep deprived.  But the hotel was nice and the husband nicer, so I can't complain.

SATURDAY - Wedding Day:  First off was Jeff and Brenda's wedding at 11:00.  Kyle and I got to the church around 10:30 and all was smooth sailing.  The only hitch was the mic that was supposed to be picking up Kyle's acoustic guitar playing.  We got lots of compliments (some ill deserved, but oh well).  Brenda was beautiful in a very classic kind of way, and the happy couple looked genuinely happy.  Poor Mike, he was an usher at his dad's wedding (looking all spiffy in his Air Force dress blues) just a few hours before his own wedding.  Jeff and Brenda had a nice little reception in the basement of the church with yummy chicken and mashed taters.  It was fun to sit with Kyle and Mike for a while.

After that it was off to wedding number two.  Kyle had to get dressed in his all white tux and I had to sit around.  Lots of fun.  It was fun until...we got the phone call.  There was a wreck on the way to the church involving someone in the wedding party - no one knew who, but it was a few blocks away from the church and the car was definately totaled.  Then we learn the idenity of the person in the car - it is Careen - Kyle's mom!  She was already riding somewhat of an emotional roller coaster with her baby getting married the same day as her ex-husband was getting re-married, and for some reason someone let her drive herself to the church.  She is also a recent cell-phone owner.  She looked down at her phone and when she looked up she was on top of a mini-van.  She hit the mini-van at around 45 mph.  Ouch.  She made it to the church with about 5 minutes to spare and she was a little bit mess - but who wouldn't be?  I just gave her a hug and told her not to crash again.  She was very together by the time Kyle walked her to her seat.  I was impressed.  Mike and Jenny's wedding was very brief - the longest part being the picture taking right after the ceremony.  

Then the fun part - THE RECEPTION!  YAY!  Aside from the REALLY awkward part of my MIL and FIL walking in together during the grand march (while there respective new spouses looked on...) it was actually nice.  I sat with Careen (my MIL) and Lary (her new hubby) and we had a nice meal.  Kyle had to sit at the head table for a while, but eventually he got to come hang out with me.  We didn't stay long enough to dance but it was nice to get to spend time with him.  

Back at the hotel we went for a walk to get food - and then it was just nice.  We don't often get stuck together for very long and it was about time.

We ended up driving Careen and Larry home.  They were on our way (they live in Indiana) and it was fun (yes I know - In-laws AND fun) to get to visit with them on the drive.  In Indiana we stopped to visit Kyle's grandparents and his aunt and uncle.  It is hard to know how much longer Kyle's grandma is going to be around, and she is very special to Kyle so we make sure to see her when we can.  It is sad to see her deteriorate, but she always seems to perk up when Kyle is around.

Kyle and I made it home (afer having a fantastic dinner at Ponderosa Steakhouse and lots of time to talk) at around 1 am Sunday night / Monday morning.  Then it was back to business as usual...

So yeah, it was awkward, but memorable and fun enough in its own way.

Howdy folks,

So I made it through the weekend and it wasn't half bad.  Kyle and I pulled in to Cuba City around 1am last night after driving for close to 13 hours.  When I get the chance I'll fill you in on the details but for now know I am home and doing fine.  No ER trips, major flub-ups or anything.  I go to see my surgeon on Thursday this week (and also another radiologist to deal with the upside down IUD) for pre-op stuff, but other than that it is a typically busy school week - papers, articles, reading...lots of reading, and a test.  Thanks for the send off!  I feel so special and loved.  

It was another long drive to the hospital along Highway 35 between La Crosse and Prairie du Chien. The view along the river road this time of year takes my breath away. Gold, burgundy, brilliant oranges, vibrant yellows and even the crisp browns scream life and vitality. Green leaves are beautiful for sure, but they are quickly forgotten on that one perfect weekend right after the leaves change when the hills glow with autumn. The trip was long and the purpose daunting, but the view made it bearable.

I understand that there are plenty of scientific reasons leaves turn colors in autumn, but for a moment let us examine the plight of a fall leaf with a bit of naiveté. As snow covers the frigid Midwest countryside, deep inside the trees, buds plot their escape.

In late February the air gradually gets milder and snow melts to reveal the beginnings of these buds. Then the warm breeze and gentle rain of spring inspire new life to break forth and show itself boldly. Heat and humidity of summer cater to the strong and vibrant leaves as they experience the best days of their short existences, feeling undefeatable and eternal. Then as the lazy days of August fade into September cooler air hints that change is coming. And sure enough, October rolls in promising an end to our seemingly immortal leaves. But even as death looms heavy overhead, the leaves put on their best colors for one last hurrah before the chill of winter shakes them from their perches and begins the cycle anew. If only we could face hardships with such grace.

I’ve been in and out of the hospital for five months now. In that time I’ve seen a dozen different doctors and specialists and been to all kinds of wings of the hospital and finally, I’m looking at another surgery to deal with a potentially fatal medical condition I’ve developed that is shutting down major organs. Things have been tough as I battle through medical complications, try to keep up with classes and have some semblance of a social life. Late at night during the ugly and painful moments of chronic illness, I hate my life. In my mind I throw temper tantrums railing against the forces that be for allowing this to happen to me. At times I am angry, bitter, defeated and just overall anti-graceful.

And it doesn’t help to be sulking and intentionally dwelling on unfair and harsh circumstances endlessly. Grief has an appropriate purpose and place, but there comes a time to make a choice. “It isn’t fair!”
Yeah, that’s true, but what are you going to do about it? Are you going to whine and allow yourself to be kept down by things you can’t control, or are you going to use the hard knocks to shape you into a better person? Are you going to give up and be just another victim, or are you going to push ahead and come out of the fire refined and strengthened?

I choose to live with joy. The circumstances of my condition suck, as do many circumstances individuals are faced with. But I will not allow the things I can’t control to shape the one thing I can, my attitude. I will stare down my adversity and face my trials with all the grace of an autumn leaf, and if in the end I am toppled from my perch with the winds of winter at least I will float away knowing that to my last day I was radiant. Face hardship with joy, remembering that seasons, even cold and bitter ones, eventually change.