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Happy Happy birthday, today you are 50 I am grateful for every second of those years. you have been there though the thick and thin times and I'm learning to love you, because you deserve to be loved. you married a perfect man who has believed that for 30 years you just have never believed it yourself. my gift to you for 50 years of life, is a healthy life from here on, I'm sorry for the abuse I have inflicted on you in the past, I can not change that, but I am doing better, and will continue to get stronger, because I deserve to be healthy, my brain has always known what was right. but since it was ignored for so long its voice got weaker until it could barely be heard, it was drowned by guilt. for too long, since Ive had no use for it I'm letting guilt go. stomach you will suffer separation anxiety but we will all be there for you, for the rest of my life I will take better care of you, I hope you understand, sometimes it will not be easy. we all will need to be in this together,all of us organs and parts . in the long run it will be worth it don't fail me now, my gift to you is life, I choose life over food, the fight for my life and well being. you can thank me later.    

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!    I LOVE YOU!!!!    (some more than others but Im working on that) 

I'm really struggling this week with this diet, I want to stick to it, but 6 months is a long time, for where I'm at right now!!
I'm trying to take my own advice and take it one day at a time, but its becoming harder, Ive gained 0.6 I know that's not much but its discouraging, I only weigh in once a month with my DR I don't want to be like this when I weigh in next, I have 1 and1/2 more weeks to try to get a hold of myself before weigh in the 11th of April, I feel like a fish out of water today. will I ever get there? its not like my Dr requires too much from me he said as long as I lost 0.5 lbs every month that's good, but he doesn't want to see any gain, I need some one to kick my butt, this week, Ive come too far, maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

down 8.4lbs this month,  sooo happy, I wanted 10 but Ill take 8.4, that makes 12lbs in 3 months, goal for next month 5lbs. as my husband says "you gotta want it".

cardio went as expected, he wants another stress/echo, says he prefers to error on the side of caution, so echo is sced for 4/4 at 9:15 am,  the stress secd for 4/7 at 8:30 am, then follow up with cardiologist 4/13 at 2;30 pm so I'm getting there, but slowly, oh well supervised diet/exercise is not done until June , so I have some time yet, might as well jump a few more hoops,........right?


next weigh-in 3/14