So, as worried as I was about not getting a fill last week, my doctor gave me a full cc, bringing me up to 5.5 cc in a 10 cc band.  NOW, after 9 months, I finally know what restriction is!  Holy crap is all I have to say!  I thought I was living by some strict rules before, its nothing like now!  And I love it.  It takes a lot of patience and I had one day where I was VERY frustrated because I was getting stuck on water and I was thinking I was overfilled.  But I seem to have loosened up.  I just need to take it slow and easy and keep aware of what I'm doing, which I should have been doing in the first place.

I had packed on a couple of lbs over the holidays (don't tell anyone!) and as of saturday morning (6 days ago), I was 267 lbs...this morning I weighed in at 258 lbs.  I've been losing like a lb a day.  Its about time.  The scale has barely moved in 4 months, I KNEW a fill was all I needed to get me going again.  It feels wonderful!  I know it will slow down eventually but this week I am in HEAVEN!  I just calculated it and I need to lose 20 more lbs to reach the "halfway mark" in my weightloss journey.  And in 16 more lbs I will be down 100 lbs since my initial consult and official weigh-in. 

I was wishing and hoping to make it to 100 lbs lost in the first year.  While I'm not altogether sure thats attainable by April 2nd...its 37 lbs.  If I lose 2 lbs a week thats only 22 lbs, putting me 15 lbs below target.  Even so - 85 lbs in a year would be freaking fantastic!  Anyways, these are my ramblings for today....that is all

Hope everyone reading had a wonderful holiday!  Mine was very nice, filled with good times with family and friends.  Ok and some good food too...but we're back on track for the most part.  Very anxious about my upcoming fill in 5 days...sooo nervous he won't fill me.  But I think I've only lost about 2 lbs since my last one...and it wasn't on pupose.  I'm kind of afraid he'll think it was on purpose and refuse me again.

I don't know, I just think its ridiculous that I'm stressing about this.  I shouldn't have to be.  Anyways, just wanted to wish everyone Happy Holidays, Happy New Year and hopefully this next year will be just as great, if not better for weight-loss.  Here's to finding the new me in the new year!

10 days and I go for my "fill".  I put it in quotations because who knows if it will actually happen.  If we go by weightloss it should happen because I don't think I've lost more than a pound since my last appointment.  But if we're going by what my doctor will actually do, then who knows.

Maybe if he wakes up on the right side of the bed that day I'll get one.  I'm completely frustrated right now because I feel like I've wasted the last 3 months screwing around waiting for my doctor to give me a freaking fill.  Since the end of August I've only lost about 10 lbs.  Thats completely unacceptable and it pisses me off.  I'm usually a pretty positive person, but not when I'm not in control, haha.  Not that I have a control problem, but usually when I set my mind out to do something - complete a task, change a behavior, etc -  I'm in control of it and if I fail I only have myself to blame so I usually try not to fail.  When someone else is holding the reins and is not giving me the 110% I'd give myself - it pisses me off.

I can eat wayyyyyy too much and lately as the holidays have crept up it seems I am doing just that.  I know I haven't gone completely off the deep end but I feel like I am losing the control I once had and it scares me and makes me angry.  If I hadn't hit this roadblock, I would have never started indulging the way I have been lately.  But then that pisses me off because this is a lifestyle change and I should be stronger than this and I should be doing what I'm supposed to be doing regardless of whether or not I'm losing. 

Its just discouraging to have this tool inside of me, to have gone through months and months of researching and debating about whether this was the surgery for me because my BMI was so high, to have lost my pre-op weight, gone through the surgery, recovery period, and to be at a damn stand still not because of my lack of effort, but because of a lack of effort on the part of my doctor.  It just makes me want to scream.

The day I get my fill is the day I'm recommitting myself.  Whether the fill gives me restriction or not.  No more screwing around.  But if for some reason I don't get my fill, I'm still recommitting myself.  To stopping with the splurging, and to finding a new doctor who will take me on for aftercare.  I can't keep fighting for fills.  Because I'll hurt someone

Happy Holidays to everyone.  Enjoy the time with family and friends and remember to stay strong! 

I started my pre-op diet!  How time flies when you're having fun!  I attended the nutritional seminar, thinking I still had some time to put off the pre-op diet but learned that I needed to start because at my next nutrition appointment I would be weighed. 

So a year ago today I started losing the 17 lbs that was 5% of my body weight at the time.  It was required by my insurance to prove that I was serious about the work it would take to have the band.

This time a year ago I weighed 342 lbs.  I had no idea I'd gotten that big!  Today I weighed in at 264 lbs - thats 78 lbs lost in a year.  I was hoping and crossing my fingers to make it to 80 lbs lost but, hey its close enough!

No matter how much I've stalled out over the past few months and how little I think I've lost, 78 lbs in a year is nothing to scoff at!  Sometimes I feel myself getting down, thinking I should be losing faster and I always need to remind myself that I chose the band because its slow!  It took me 28 years to get as big as I did.  Its not going to come off overnight!  And I don't want it to. 

But I want to get moving again!  I can't wait to get another fill to bring me closer to my perfect restriction level and get losing again.  Unfortunately that won't happen until after the New Year.  I just need to hold strong, be patient, and pray that I'll keep moving in the right direction.  I just can't believe its been a year since I started my pre-op diet!  Whew!  What a ride!

Yesterday I returned home from a 9 day vacation in Puerto Rico with my mother.  We stayed just outside of San Juan, PR.  It was a beautiful, wonderful trip.  The entire time there it didn't go under 82 degrees and it only rained once, two days after we got there.

Now, I decided before going on this trip that I wasn't going to obsess over my diet.  The two of us planned on going to the grocery store and buying things so that we could eat breakfast and dinner in the hotel, using our little microwave.  Lunch, we would eat out at different Puerto Rican restaurants.  We bought things like yogurt and oatmeal for breakfast, and some frozen dinners.  Traditional food in Puerto Rico is rice, beans, plantains, and a lot of chicken or pork.

I definitely ate well during the trip and didn't feel guilty about splurging and having some things I haven't had in months or don't have regularly, like pumpkin pie, ice cream, etc.  For the most part I tried to follow the band rules by concentrating on protein first and then moving on to the starches (because vegetables are not plentiful there!).

We did a lot of walking but I only visited the fitness center (a treadmill, stationary bike, and weight machine) once.  One day we went on a hike through El Yunque rainforest (3 miles up and down hills) and climbed to the top of a tall observation tower.

So last night when I got home I approached the scale with fear.  I figured I'd have 3-5 lbs extra on me that I'd have to spend time working off for the next couple of weeks.  It was a sacrifice I was willing to make, to be able to enjoy my vacation without completely overindulging like before surgery.  I stepped on the scale and I was 2 lbs lighter than when I left!  What?!  2 pounds??  How is this possible?  I don't know but I'm not going to question it.

I'm back to reality now, ready to hit the gym and get back on track with food.  All I have to say is - I love my band!!