I'm in the 170's !!!!  OMG.  I can't believe it. I have NO idea when the last time I weighed somewhere around this number.  Most probably somewhere about 1983.  That would mean.....ummmm 28 years ago... Dear Lord... I"m wearning size 14 and 16 petite clothing. I'm exercising 3 to 4 times a week, I"m eating like a normal human being, and I'm happy. 

Yes, I am happy.  Happy with myself, happy with how I look, how people see me, and how I project myself.  It's been a difficult transformation for me to wrap my head around.  I have had to re-learn who I am, where I am in space, where my body boundries are.  I have had to learn that I' m not the "fat white social worker lady" anymore.  I have twice been referred to as the "little white social worker lady" and was floored by the title ! I am by no means little -- but considering I'm only just over 5'2" and I'm no longer hugely obese.....heck, I'll take it !!!

These last two months have been hard in weight loss terms....losing a pound or two now takes me a month...but that's ok.  I would be happy to lose the last nine and a half pounds over the next 5 or 6 months.  Wouldn't faze me a bit. At least my clothes will continue to fit !!!

I think my own goal will ultimaately be around 165.  But we shall see.  I don't want to go too far into the future here.... because you never know what each weight will feel like next ! 

Work is busy, fast and furious, but no complaints there.  Home is as it ever was.  concerned about Jess, and my dad....but I just do what I need to do and take care of everybody....

I LOVED LOVED LOVED my Black Friday shopping spree !!! A beautiful dress and 2 outfits with a nice black skirt ! 4 pr of shoes (no more wide width for me !!!) And trouser socks in normal ladies sizes that don't cut off my circulation below the knee ! And I bought tights !!!!  and black pumps !!!!

I can't wait to put them all on !!!

Hope this last week of weight loss does not come to a screeching halt this soon....I hate hate hate this lose a pound, lose a half a pound then gain a pound back.  Spend the next two weeks fighting to re lose the pound I gained....then maintain for a week and then lose another pound.....gosh I'd rather lose an ounce every other day or two....then forever feel like I'm going up and down the staircase....

There are some pounds that seem to hang on there for ever !  Why did 183 stick around for ever; but 182 was here and gone in a week ?!  And now 181 is stuck like glue to me.  On the boards, I don't complain, but here, I do.  There are a few things I really WANT in this weight loss thing. 

ONE of them is to be a size 14 or lower.  Why ? And why does it matter ? Because some places, don't go higher than a 14, and I don't want to have to EVER go PLUS size again.  EVER.  And although I think I look darned good in my petite size 16's I really would like to see a smaller size.....however, in reality, I now see that I am going to have hanging skin, my belly and abdomen have....ummmmm extra rolls....and they are not going away.  The size 16 pants fit at the waist, fit at the belly, but are big in the butt and thighs.  Sigh. 

When I look in the mirror in clothes, I see a person I don't quite know.  And sometimes I kind of scare myself.  Looks like the clothes I picked out to wear this morning, but who is that human wearing them ???

It's times like this, that I tell myself that the slowed weight loss is a good thing -- it gives me the time to have some mental adjustment to who I am again.....but still, I would happily give up mental adjustment time for more losing time !!! 

Still hitting Curves about 4 times a week now.  Making sure to set my week off by being there on Monday mornings, and Tuesday mornings too.  Then it's an easy finish with either Wednesday and Thursday or Friday to finish the week up.  I really do prefer to go before work, and it seems to be working for me now.  I can actually feel muscles in my arms and legs now.  It is so odd to FEEL my own bones and muscles.   Exciting.  But odd .

Two stinking pounds is all I lost this month. 

I am pissed. 

I am pissed at myself, I am pissed at my tiny tummy, I am pissed at chocolate. 

I can now eat more all of a sudden, and I'm hungry to boot.  I've been trying to eat every couple of hours, and to keep protein around.  but I found low fat crackers -- 30 for 120 calories.  And I loved them. And I think it turned on the carb monster that I never knew lingered inside me. 

So this week I put the crackers in little zip lock bags, so I don't eat too many.  Half a serving of crackers.  Once a day. 

I can't figure out what it is.  Yes, I'm eating a bit more at meals. I can eat a whole chicken thigh now.  A whole egg. But I can't believe that my body refuses to lose any more weight on what I am eating.....

And I'm doing my curves -- managed to get in there 4 days this week, and maybe will get there tomorrow too -- 5 days.  And I'm taking a walk at lunch or during the day at work -- even if it's just once around the parking lot and to the trash bins.  Sigh. 

I know....117 pounds is nothing to sneeze at.  I just wanted to get down to 170 by January -- my surgeversary......but it's not looking good.  I keep telling myself that EVEN IF I only lose 2 pounds a month ......that will put me at 181 in November, and 179 in December, and 177 in January......so maybe by MAY.....

I"m not giving up......I'm going to get there.  166 makes me "OVERWEIGHT".  That is my goal.  to get there.  skinny was never my goal.  My surgeon told me his goal for me at 12 to 18 months was 170.  maybe by 18 months....