Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~Nelson Mandela~

9/23/06
I've done most of my testing, I have three more a colonoscopy/EDG and Mamogram. All my appontments are set up and now I'm just waiting for the 13th.
I went to a great support group last Thursday night, I was so happy that all the girls there were so down to earth and friendly I swear it was like sitting in someones living room and we'd been friends forever. They answered so many of my questions. I am happy I found them.

10/03/06
My friend Heather went in this morning to have her surgery, I have been thinking about her all day. She is 10 days ahead of me and I wish I could talk to her and get all the poop. I know she is resting and doing great. She has been in a lot of peoples prayers.
Tonight I am getting ready to have a colonoscopy tomorrow so as those who have had one know I have drank the crap and I am waiting. Waiting. Waiting. I have to drink some more in a couple hours. I am really dreading this test but the sooner it gets done the faster I will be done with all these tests and can concentrate on getting ready to join the losing side. I'm very excited. Right now I'm going through the gammet of emotions. I cry, I'm mad, I'm scared then excited. I wish my mom were still alive because I need her with me when you don't feel good, you know. It makes me cry so I'll stop talking about that. Well I'm gonna go wait and I'll write tomorrow after this horrible ordeal (lol) is over.

10/04/06
Today was my EGD and Colonoscopy. I have been dreadidng it for weeks and rightly so. Everybody said I'd be asleep. WRONG.
I was not and it was one of the worst afternoons I have spent in a long time. It's over now.. I'm home.. I can eat something other then liquids and I came out of it fine. But damn what a day. Anyway everything in those two places checked are fine, these were the last two tests I needed to have done. So I'm now just going to set my sights on my big day.

10/10/06
Worked today and sent out a memo telling everyone I will be out for hopefully only two weeks. I had told some of them what was going on but I got tons of emails asking why I would be out. I got lots of incourgement from everyone. There is be a lot less of me to kick around I told them. I've worked with most of these people over 20 years so they are like family really. Tomorrow I go for my pre-op meeting with the surgeon and my nutrition, pre admit and meet with the put me to sleep guy. It will be a busy day. Then on Thursday I'm going to work so I don't sit around all day at home and think. Friday will come soon enough. Hopefully I will get on here and leave something the night before I go, if now I will when I get home and let everyone know how it went. Nervous, who me?
I'm excited too!!!
I think I have lost about 15 lbs but I'll see tomorrow when she weighs me. I hope I've lost enough. She wanted 20 but I tried I really did.

10/11/06
Today was my pre-op visit. I saw the nutritionist, the surgeon, the make you go to sleep guy, had more blood taken, spent to whole day getting me ready to go into the hospital. All went well. Hey I lost the 20 lbs. that the surgeon said she wanted me to lose before she would do the deed. I was pretty proud I must say. So anyway it's one more day at work and then be at the hospital at 6am on Friday Morning. Tra la Tra la.

10/13/06
Today was the day, let me tell you the story of my journey to the losers bench.
We had to be at the hospital @ 6 am so we left the house about 4:30 so we would have plenty of time, my husband drove which is unusual because I am the driver of the family. (I get car sick).  I sat in complete silance for the full 1 hour drive.  I can't tell you all the things going on in my mind, they were all jumbled together.  Jump from the truck, excitement, scared everything all at once.  At the hopsital my friend Joanie met us and was there to keep hubby company and give support through the what was to be 4 hour surgery and turned into 7 hours.
Some sort of minor complications, something to do with muscle in my stomach wall (who would has thought there would be muscle?) I stayed in recovery for a long time, just couldn't seem to want to wake up and there was an issue with my left eye (a scratch that was very irritating).  Once in my room I got tons of kisses from hubby who I could tell was very glad to see me.  Mouth was so dry I thought I'd go crazy and the lemon swabs things they give you are useless.  Once they give you water it gets better.  Pain was minimal at best.  I have arthritis in both knees and degenerative joint disease which made walking very hard but I tried.  Everything went well and I went home the next day.  At home my husband and I learned what to do (trial and error) and I was back to work in two weeks.  Absolutely no complications.  I am now 6 months out and have lost 105 lbs.  
                  I wish I had done this years ago, but maybe I would not have done quite so well, maybe you have to be ready and I was ready to make the decision to take my life back.