i am recommitting to my band. plain and simple i haven't been using it. i need to use it.

i have reevaluated my plan.

the major thing i know:

weigh yourself ONLY once a week
don't eat fried foods
don't eat bread (it gets stuck)
don't drink 30 minutes before or after eating

if i can do that i can succeed!!!!!!!!!

also i have reset my goal weight to be 180 pounds. that means based on the doctor's scale which read 304, i need to lose 124 pounds. that doesn't seem all that bad, actually. if i stay present and in the now i am already there.

i turned 30 yesterday. it was a great day. i was 1 pound away from my goal of being under 300 and i feel AWESOME about it. having this surgery is the best thing i have ever done.

as opposed to my past birthdays when i sat around wishing i had done what i wished i would have set out to do - i can actually feel like i accomplished the things i wanted to accomplish!

30 will be the best year yet. i can feel it.

i haven't blogged in a while!

i feel great. i have had 2 fills, and this last one has really helped me get more of a control on my portions. i am getting another fill (maybe my last?) on tuesday. i think that will be my sweet spot, so to speak.

i am now down to 304.6... which means i am just a hair from being under 300. that was my first major goal. i wanted to do that by my 30th birthday - which is 8/24... i don't know if i will make it but i am so proud that i have lost what i have lost.

today is my 2 month surgery anniversary and to lose 32 pounds in 2 months is AMAZING to me and i just thank god that i have finally found a tool to really help me lose weight.

my puppy is helping me focus on the important things in life. i am a high school teacher and had to go back last week. the kids start coming on monday. i am going to use my puppy as a stress reliever this year and not stay too late beyond what i have to do and not take everything to heart and so seriously. i have already had one incident since going back, and i am just going to stay zen about the whole thing.

other than that - i feel amazing. and i'm so happy to have gotten this band!!!

this week has gone down hill since my fill. i have been eating solid foods for the first time - YAY! but i only lost 1 pound since last monday - BOO! i gained and lost a pound all week.

i am about to get my period. but i didn't exercise.

i have been going through a lot of stress with my job and my living situation and feeling stress for my sister's job and HER living situation... we both don't have the job we want and both don't live in the town we want. all i wanted to do was eat. but i didn't binge. i am sure though that i could have cut back on snacks. i eat sugar free popsicles like a madwoman at times.

maybe i should go back to OA.

i have this goal in mind of getting under 300 pounds by when i go back to school - which is the 17th of august if i stay at my current job... which may or may not happen... that means 10.5 pounds in 25 days. i would have to exercise practically every day to do that, i imagine. but i think it is doable.

eating real food again is a head trip. a REAL head trip. it was almost easier being "sick" so to speak and having to eat liquids and mushies... now i have to be healthy and eat real food.


i am going to make it through! i just know that until wednesday when i hear about this other job i am going to be stressed and PMSing... not the best combo for me.

i should take a new avatar picture. i hate the one i have it doesn't even look like me.

i had my first fill today. it was a BREEZE. i learned i have a 14cc large AP band. dr. rantis put in 2.5 cc's. he is a very nice man and knows what he is doing.

he didn't do any local anesthetic because he said he gets it on the first try most of the time. it really didn't hurt.

today is the first day i really notice a difference in my clothes. i tried on 3 of my tops today that didn't used to fit and THEY FIT. sweet. i am thrilled that all of my 26/28s will fit now and if i need an outfit i can go over to lane bryant and not squeeeeeeze into a 28.

personally things are kind of all up in the air. i might be leaving the school i teach at and moving.

i have a second interview tomorrow at a great school in the city. i will be teaching a lesson in front of some real kids for the principal and vice principal to observe. i am not nervous... and i attribute part of my confidence to the fact that i had surgery and i feel i am in a great place.

there is a lot of financial stress in my life right now but i'm trying not to get overwhelmed... but i have to really really work hard not to panic.

but the best thing in my life is my lap band!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so happy i got it. i feel great. one month out and i have lost almost 27 pounds. yippee!!!