Okay so the Naked brand drinks are bull, I realized after having two that they amount to nearly 600 calories for one bottle. Not good at all. But I guess this is what this is all about now, right? It's a balancing act trying to do this right, I've fallen off a few times, not realized what I was doing, but eventually figured it out. On another note, last night I was out in the city with Teague and instead of trying to consume TastiDelite on our normal end of the night, walk around the city eating ice cream treks, I stopped into a market and picked up a desserty tasting yogurt, berries and cream light and fit, and it was just as pleasure inducing. Just thought I'd share.

Just thought I'd share that my clothes no longer fit and I no longer have work clothes. My heels also do not fit my feet - SOS. I'm so freaking out.

Okay so if your going through this with a full head of hair that you adore, like me, your biggest concern is likely also how the fuck am I going to consume the 40 grams of protein necessary to stop the hair loss we dread. I tried everything short of of buying powdered protein and eating it whole because it's just too damned expensive. So, on my way through 7-11 this evening I found NAKED brand Protein Juice Smoothie with no sugar added. It has apple, banana, organge, coconut and pineapple juice with added protein. It is DELICIOUS!! Also, if your looking for added iron (as I am anemic), try Taco Bells Pintos and cheese. Its like refried beans with a tiny bit of cheese on top. It's delicious and is chock full of both protein and iron, oh and only .89 cents.

So things are okay I guess. The weight is coming off fast, but I'm not yet sure I know where it's coming from (though I did have to leave my favorite pair of shoes in the car this  morning because they kept falling off, so now when I tell my mother I'm losing weight and she snidely respond, "from where, your toes?" she'll actually be right). But really, everyone says they can see it melting and that I look great... and get this, I realized after an hour of sitting on the couch watching Law & Order that I was sitting with one leg on the ground and one leg bent up with my knee near my face and the heel of my foot against my butt - I can't remember the last time I was able to sit like that, it felt good. 

Other things are bothering me though. I had this problem with my menstrual cycle that seems to have gotten worse with the surgery, just really heavy bleeding and such, but the good news, is that my blood pressure has been low enough for me to safely go on birth control, wich is the effing reason I had this surgery in the effing first place. 

Oh, yeah, I realized last night that biting into a wanton, no matter how long it's been in the soup and no matter how long you chew does not count as mushy foods. Darn it. It was my second throw up... hey, I tried. I just feel like I want the food to go into my mouth whole, get pureed by my teeth and then I won't be so depressed about it - ha! 

I cannot lie people. I'm depressed damn it! I want food. I WANT IT. I'm getting by just fine, I have tons of support from the family, but grrr... sometimes I just want to eat like normal people. I know I know, it's only been two weeks, but this psychological crap is hard to beat. I'm working as a substance abuse counselor now and trying to help women kick drugs and alcohol, but I feel like I need my own counselor to help me kick food. It's as much of an addiction. 

Okay, back to doing some other mentally distracting things on my dinner break (a peach weight watchers yogurt and a few cheerios). Till later.

Yeah, so the night before last I had my first piece of fish with a small portion of rice and lentils and everything went down fine. So, thinking I was playing it safe, I repeated the meal last night, but half way through my meal, it seemed to be getting stuck somewhere in my throat. I swallowed and swallowed and swallowed, but nothing was going down... and then, up it came. I thought I was lucky to have thus far gone without the dreading dumping, but I always knew it came with the territory. Ok, so vomitting is gross, standing over the toilet dry heaving with nothing but gobs of spit and bits of chewed food coming up (have I grossed you out yet?) is yucky, but it wasn't that bad. PLUS, yesterday I tabled at a health fair in my county for an organization I'm deputy director of and I saw so many people I know, all of them had something to say about how great I looked. It hasn't even been two weeks, and when I look down I can see the fat melting away. So a little vomitting? Not so bad. It isn't the same throwing up as before, there isn't the acid that burns so bad in the throat and that leaves that taste in your mouth for hours, its like a dry vomit. I can deal, and so can you! I'm feeling great. Going to work in a few hours for the first day. Exciiited!